I’m not that good at expressing myself but I’m 19F and my parents want me to get married after college and have children. The thought of it scares the living shit out of me. As my parents really weren’t the best (they’ve been neglectful and abusive) this led me to have extreme anxiety and depression. To the point where I have extremely bad intrusive thoughts. But yeah, my mental health is not great in the slightest. My parent’s love has even felt a bit conditional at times so yeah. I just don’t think I’ll be fit to raise a child. I don’t really have a good idea of motherhood to be honest. And I also really just want to live my life as I feel like I’ve had so much taken from me. A part of me even still wants to be the one to be taken care of (I know that sounds silly) since my parents nor siblings didn’t really want to. I think the only thing that’s having me MAYBE wanting kids is this insanely desperate need to not be forgotten. Since I feel like I’ve been pushed aside so many times I’ve thought having a kid would at least keep the family going. But then my brain hits me like “why would I wanna continue this family?” I feel so torn I just wanna be able to NOT want children but I feel so much pressure since I’m the only other girl in my family and my sister is already planning to have one. I just wanna know how to deal with these feelings?
I’m scared to have children.
r/Advice
Comments
It’s reckless to have kids just to please your parents. Choose healing and freedom first because raising a child without wanting it will only pass down the pain you’re trying to escape.
Just don’t worry about it now. Go live your live. I think mostly they want you to be settled in life, which for them is marriage and kids.
Go to college, follow your career. It’s not for them to decide. It’s you and your future husband that will decide if you want kids and when you want them.
Seriously, take your time; life’s too short to be pressured into parenting before you’re ready!
You cannot have kids just to please your parents. If you’re going to have kids, it has to be because you truly want them.
Live life and don’t give in. Keep pushing it off.
Only thing to fear is fear itself. Humans have been having babies for thousands of years, you’ll be fine.
You’re 19. Stop thinking about having kids for 10 years. Literally get a copper kid and don’t think about it. Be an adult first, learn boundaries, and become more mature.
Live your life. You are only 19. Of course having kids would scare you. Being young and a difficult life so far. As an adult you have to take responsibility for you. So living life. Figuring out what you truly want and moving forward. And your parents do not rule your life. Maybe some low contact if possible.
Take your time figuring things out; there’s no deadline on enjoying life!
Have you talked to a therapist about this?
You have a whole decade before this is a valid concern imo just use birth control meanwhile
Enjoy being young babe!!
You are 19. I wasn’t even considering kids at 19. Don’t have kids, get married or do anything because someone is pressuring you. Live your own life not the life someone else wants you to live. Break free.