I don’t have anyone to vent to, so I’m venting here. Sorry in advance. It’s probably going to be a long post.
I’m so fucking sick of being repeatedly told to “reach out” and “ask for help” when I need it, only to do that exact thing and be told “I just can’t” from a man who hasn’t woken up before noon in a goddamn week and has the fucking AUDACITY to not even lift his head from the pillow while neglecting his parental responsibilities. And it’s not because he’s exhausted from work. He hasn’t worked in 2 months. It’s because he stays up until all hours of the night watching YouTube videos.
He says, in all seriousness, that he “can’t do this anymore.” Can’t do what exactly? Live like a goddamn prince, spending roughly half a day with his kid while I’m STILL the one doing the majority of the labor for our child? I get that he may feel depressed, stressed, and overwhelmed. You know who else feels that way? ME.
It’s BULLSHIT that I don’t get the luxury of having days (or even a few hours) where I “just can’t.” I got about 2 hours of sleep last night and I guaran-damn-tee you that I “just can’t” right now and yet somehow I do. Because if I don’t, nobody else will. It’s fucking despicable that my sweet little munchkin has to have a parent who isn’t able to be fully present and engaged because they’re burnt out. It’s fucking obscene that I expressly articulated that I am aware of not being able to give my child the level of patience and understanding they deserve because of my mental and physical exhaustion, and that’s somehow OK with him. That ANY parent could hear that and roll over and go back to sleep like it’s nothing is truly beyond me. I’m disgusted.
The kicker is, I’m not even involved with him romantically anymore. We haven’t been a couple for over a year now. Due to circumstances, we unfortunately still live together, a situation we plan to remedy in the near future. It would actually make my life easier if he didn’t live here because at least then I wouldn’t be gaslit into asking for help and not getting any. I wouldn’t have this searing resentment building day after day.
My child deserves better and so do I.
Comments
kick him out. raising one child is easier than raising two. you’ll find you can do all that you do now better once that extra mental load is gone. signed, a dad who watches YouTube to the small hours and still gets up in the morning.
Really though, sister, I get you. It’s beyond frustrating when they don’t even lift a finger. But have you thought about trying to establish some kind of routine or schedule for household tasks? Could take the pressure off you
I’m sorry this is happening. It sounds fucking miserable and you don’t deserve to be in this situation.
When relationships break down, it’s easy for things to get taken out on the kid, in spite of the best intentions of the parents. And it doesn’t always look like yelling at the kid, it can look like letting your ex do more than their share of the work because you resent them.
Separate as quickly as possible, however you can. Set up joint custody. Odds are he’ll feel like he “has to” even when he “just can’t”. And if he still feels like he “just can’t” then at least you know that, and can get your kid out of a bad situation.
no one ever knows what kind of father or husband someone will be until theyre on the other side of the pregnancy.
sounds like you have yourself a dud dad. you can cut him loose and have him pay child support or you can ditch the kid with him as a warning for future women and go start over with someone who isnt a loser.
“I can’t do this anymore”
You should say to him:
“What? What exactly is it that you can’t do, because you don’t seem to be doing anything other than sleep and waste time watching youtube. I am a solo parent, and somehow you seem to think that that is some sort of burden that YOU have to bear. THIS IS YOUR CHILD. YOUR. CHILD. I should never have to ASK YOU FOR HELP because this child is also your responsibility. Step up or get out. You have a week to show me you can be a responsible parent or I need you to leave.”
Is he your husband or just a guy who lives with you? If it’s the latter, kick his ass out. He clearly isn’t contributing financially if he doesn’t have a job. And file for child support. Maybe that’ll motivate him to apply for some jobs.