(This is throwaway account because I don’t want my partner to recognize me. Also English is not my first language, please by kind.)
My boyfriend (M29) and I (F27) have been together for 7.5 years. We’ve always had a strong emotional connection, and I know he loves me, he shows it in many ways. But over the past year, since we moved in together, I’ve noticed a big shift in our intimacy.
He used to be very sexually active, curious, and took initiative. Now, I feel like I’m the one initiating most of the time. He says he’s still attracted to me and that nothing’s wrong, but his actions don’t really show it. For the record, I’m 100% sure he’s not cheating. That’s not a concern, but the lack of desire or effort makes me feel unwanted.
He’s also never been big on compliments, and while I’ve brought it up many times (because it makes me feel sad and unattractive), he’ll usually make an effort for a week or two and then stop again unless I remind him. I don’t want to keep begging to be seen or desired.
We’ve talked about it a lot. He often blames stress, tiredness, or past conflicts, but things between us have been good for a while now. We’ve both been putting in the effort to improve the relationship, and I felt like it was bringing us closer. But the physical intimacy still feels missing.
I love him deeply and want to stay with him, we understand each other, we share a life, but I feel more like his friend than his girlfriend, and I’m starting to feel unattractive and distant. I want to feel like a woman in our relationship. I want to be desired, pursued, and loved that way too.
I’m not sure what to do anymore.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it?
TLDR: Been with my boyfriend for 7.5 years, living together for 1. He loves me but he rarely initiates sex or gives compliments anymore. I feel more like his friend than his girlfriend. I’ve brought it up many times, he tries for a bit, then stops. I feel undesired and distant. I still love him, but I don’t know what to do.