I 18f have never had a good relationship with my dad or my mom and really want to go no contact specifically with my dad. They’ve both been narcissistic, manipulative and mentally/physically abuseive towards me growing up but would sugarcoat it by saying “ we gave you a place to live and food” bare in mind that’s what parents should do regardless. They’re part of the sole reason why my mental health is so so bad .
Anyway the key reason to why I hate my dad is his weird behaviour. Growing up I’d occasionally snoop on his phone because I’d hear my parents argue and my mom would say he’s a cheater. I found tabs of porn sites on his phone & sometimes tabs of escorts. Most of the porn he’d watch would be labeled as “young women in 20s” etc and that irks me out knowing me and my siblings are in our 20s . I’m 18 the youngest daughter and my two siblings are in their early / mid 20s. When I’ve been out with my dad alone (I try to avoid this as his presence makes me uncomfy) I’ve seen him look at women mainly those with a bimbo aesthetic who have their whole chest out on display etc. it makes me feel really uncomfortable and it’s disgusting . It contradicts his whole controlling behaviour towards me . From the ripe age of 14 he told me to have self respect all because I wore mascara to school and on weekends. Anything I wear whether it be jeans or a cute dress I get stared down and looked at with disgust, his gaze makes me feel sick. Sometimes I’ll walk around in pjs at home and he’ll glance at my chest or my body and I’ll instantly feel ill and go grab a gown or cover my body with my arms. He always complains and says I should dress a certain way ( cover up completely) or not wear makeup as I will wear eyeliner etc , yet he will watch porn and stare at women when he’s in public .
I even feel uncomfy when he touches me randomly and no it doesn’t feel like a fatherly way. I’ll be sat on the couch and he’ll touch my thigh or my shoulders and I’ll feel uncomfy. Sometimes he’ll pass by me behind me and his hand will “touch” my ass. I say touch because I never know if it’s on purpose or accident but regardless I feel SICK and dirty after.
I don’t like being in the same room as him or anything. I don’t know if it stems from my daddy issues as my relationship with my dad is a lot more complicated than this ^ but his behaviour irks me out.
My mom’s well aware he watches porn as when I’ve snooped before he’s sent her the links on text messages but she never replies back , so I have no need to tell her anything.
I’m just stuck on whether I should go no contact in the future as he’s really toxic as a whole and complains and starts arguments at home 24/7 it’s mentally draining and I don’t know how much more I can’t take .
Comments
This is beyond toxic, it’s disturbing. Please prioritize your safety and get support if you can. You deserve a life without fear, judgement, or gross behavior from someone who’s suppose to protect you.
I completely understand you as i also dont have a good relationship with my father and he also makes me very uncomfortable. You dont owe him anything and you absolutely should go no contact with him. You dont need to feel guilty about it its definitely understandable why you would do this. Never let anyone force you to change your mind or make you feel bad about it.
You might want to pop over to the RaisedbyNarcissists subreddit.
I’m facing the same problem like you, i barely have a good conversation with him
Run and don’t look back. If I could go back and change one thing, it would be that. I would have ran away as fast and as far as I could the second I turned 18. My dad is a covert narc and my mom is his enabler and the reason I kept going back to give him another chance. Your mental health will continue to suffer as a result of being around him. You have given one valid reason after another if why you should go no contact. Don’t waste your life like I did. Cut him off.
I moved to another State to get away from my parents. From Michigan to Athens, GA and it still felt too close. I think it is the best choice of my life and I wish I did it sooner.
There once was a neighborhood Priest in one of my teacher’s towns. People would tell them their family stories. He would then sometimes go to the home and pummel the abuser. It sounds like that would have been helpful.
You need to get out as quickly as possible. If your neighbors knew what he was doing, odds are everybody would hate him.
What do you think would happen to your father on prison?
He’s crossed the line countless times.
I had a very similar issue when I was that age. Caught him recording women in public and even my friends. How do you confront a pervert like that? I don’t even have advice because he abandoned us. If you get angry enough, lose it on him tell him he makes you feel disgusting and you never want him to touch you again. And move out as soon as you’re able. One day you will have all the power and will never have to talk to him again.
yo fr i’m rlly sorry u goin thru this. it’s not normal or okay to feel uncomfy in ur own house, esp around ur own dad. the way u describe his behavior? nah u not overreactin at all. ur feelings valid 100%. if u feel like goin no contact someday, do it for you. u don’t owe anyone anything, esp not ppl who made u feel unsafe. protect ur peace, even if it means distance. u strong for even speakin on this, fr. stay safe 🖤