I posted recently about cutting off my brother after he secretly sold our late mother’s belongings behind my back. That whole situation still doesn’t feel real, and I wish I could say I’ve moved on or found some kind of peace, but the truth is I’m still so damn angry.
Angry at him, for betraying my trust. Angry that he looked me in the eye after the funeral and said we’d go through her things together, and then went behind my back and sold the things that meant the most to me for a few extra bucks. Angry that when I confronted him, he acted like I was the one making it a big deal. Like I was overreacting for grieving what he treated like junk.
But I’m also angry at myself. For trusting him. For not speaking up sooner. For letting him near her things in the first place because I thought, “He’s her son too, he’ll understand.” Spoiler alert: he didn’t.
Grief is so complicated. I thought the hardest part would be losing my mom, and it was… but this betrayal right in the middle of all of it? It cracked something in me I didn’t know could still break. I miss her. I miss her laugh and her advice and just being able to call her when I don’t know what the hell to do. And now I don’t even have all the things she left behind because he couldn’t wait to make a quick buck.
I’ve been trying to keep it together. I talk to my aunt, I journal, I read all the supportive comments people left. But it still hurts. And I guess I just needed to say it out loud, somewhere, because bottling it up has been eating me alive.
I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him. Maybe someday, but not now. Not when I’m still waking up feeling like someone took another piece of her away from me. If you’ve ever been betrayed during grief, I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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I can only imagine how really gut-wrenching this must’ve been for you, not just losing your mom but also having that scumbag of a brother sell off her stuff behind your back. It’s so damn unfair, it makes me wanna scream… but then I think about my own shit with family and I’m like ” girl, at least he didn’t steal your car battery!”
Anyway, the point is, you’re not alone in this kind of pain. A lot of us have been screwed over by the people who were supposed to love us most. It doesn’t make it right or okay, but maybe someday you’ll find a way to forgive him (not for his sake, for yours). Or not. I don’t know your story, and I’m no expert. All I can do is offer this lame analogy, imagine all those memories are like books on shelves. When he sold her stuff, it’s like someone came in and started ripping out pages from the middle of each book without asking. That shit hurts, but you’ve still got the rest of the story left. Maybe with time, you can even add new chapters.
That gut-wrenching sense of loss, knowing treasured family belongings were sold behind your back… like having a piece of history ripped from under your feet. I can only imagine the fury and sorrow boiling inside you.
I suppose you’ve already tried to trace where and how he sold the items? Can you ask family members if they have anything left that was your Mum’s?
I can’t say what I think of your brother or I’ll be banned but I can give you food for thought.
I lost my Mum a few years ago and it’s a horrible fact that memories fade, write down as many memories of your Mum as you can think of. Talk to family and her friends and write down their memories.
Remember your feelings are valid, both about missing your Mum and being angry towards your brother. X
Some time ago, I too experienced a loss that turned my whole life upside down. In the aftermath of that loss, I also lost my best friend. It turned out that our friendship had been one-sided all along, and when I could no longer carry it under the weight of my grief and asked for their help, they abandoned me and went on with their life.
So my situation is very different from yours, but I recognize the feelings you describe and the suffocating intensity of them. Unfortunately, I don’t have any foolproof advice to give. I just wanted to tell you that I understand your pain and how the combination of grief, broken trust, and a fractured relationship becomes a tangled, heavy knot. It makes the grieving process harder and ignites a bitter ember in the soul that gnaws at you in a different way than loss alone ever could.
The only advice I have is a cliché: time. Time helps, even if it doesn’t necessarily heal. When you feel up to it, try doing things that bring you even a small sense of comfort. Even simple things, if you don’t have the energy for anything big. Go for a walk, listen to silly and superficial podcasts, focus on your hobbies. Or go through photos of your mother, write down memories of her if you can.
Maybe start keeping a “joy journal” separate from a regular diary, where you write down at least one thing each day that brought you some joy. It could be a good cup of coffee, warm sheets, a starry sky. Anything small and simple if the big joys still feel far away.
I’m sending you so much strength and encouragement as you grieve. This, too, is just a phase, one chapter, one sharp turn in the flow of time. It will pass, and even though it causes pain now, one day it will be behind you, and your gaze will turn toward your future again.
It might be hard to imagine or accept that right now. But I promise you, life will become bearable again, neutral, and eventually even good. And then, or even sooner, you’ll be able to grieve your mom without it getting tangled up in the betrayal and its dark tentacles.
I wished my mother Happy Birthday this morning. She would’ve been 92 and in a couple of months it will be 10 years since she passed.
Mom didn’t have a lot of really valuable items but my brother and each took what we wanted and let family take other things, so she’s still around in her own way. I have my memories of time with my mom. Yes sometimes memories fade but you’ll be surprised how many you retain. Cherish them.
Hold on to pictures. If you can, scan them and keep a digital copy as well as the original. Reach out to other family members for their pictures. Scan those too. Share those pictures with other family members.
You have every right to be angry with your brother, He betrayed his promise to you and he knows what he did was disrespectful to you and to your mother’s memory. That’s on him and something he’ll have to live with. You may eventually forgive but you’ll never forget. Only you can decide the relationship moving on.
Give yourself the gift of time and grace. During this time of grief remember to smile. Remember the fun things you did with your mom. Remember the times the two of you laughed until the tears rolled. Remember her hugs and her favorite things. Your mother will live on in your heart.
I’m sorry for your loss.