I’m someone with avoidant attachment. I can’t form deep connections with people, not even with my parents. I’ve ended many friendships and potential relationships because I could see where they were heading. I stopped making new friends and have never dated anyone because I know I would end up hurting them due to my struggle to form a propre relationship and my fear of intimacy. I still feel guilty for ghosting that one guy, with whom I used to talk enthusiastically about things we had in common, all of a sudden. He was so kind and sweet, and I was the one at fault. He tried to reach out to me everywhere, but I coldly ignored everything. I felt like a terrible person because I knew he had a crush on me. I think he hates me now. I’ve done the same with others, but everything was superficial. Most people didn’t really know me, I was like that one girl who appears in your life and disappears like she was never there.
I don’t know how to get rid of this side of myself, but I want to. I want to change because I want something real, something deep and honest.
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Therapy helped me tons with this. You’re self-aware which is huge – most avoidant people aren’t.
Same. I like being alone, it’s peaceful. I do like being around people but I get smothered very easily. The older I get the more protective I am of my time and peace, which means even less relationships. I think people have been more difficult than normal to deal with these past few years.
Thiss right here, I don’t think I’m equipped enough to give you advice. But I also noticed the pattern with myself, I have great friends but it more so feels difficult to tend to a relationship or connection especially when it feels like it’s getting somewhere so I distance myself again. Through those patterns I noticed I was scared of intimacy, scared of rejection, scared to be the needy one, scared to be awkward. So what I do now even when I feel like ghosting people is I actually work through that feeling, accept what I am scared or how I am being perceived. And it feels so uncomfortable even now but I still do it and it’s easier said than done. It’s gonna take a while because I do enjoy being alone but I found having a connection with a community is just as important and beautiful. Also I’m saving up for therapy too, if that helps
I don’t know. I was friends w a man that has this problem. We were more than friends NE way . I ended up just cutting him off because I gave him way too much respect all these years. About twenty years give or take —I’ve known him… That avoidant detachment or whatever you call it, is bullshit, and it means you’re a horrible human being. I suggest you figure it out. Dude spends days on end getting drunk and filling up his basement w alcohol cans. Consider yourself warned.
Thank you for being honest.
Your self-awareness about avoidant attachment is actually a strength, even if it feels like a prison right now.
If you make amends, one honest sentence is a good place to start.
We should be friends!
this is me as well. I would love for ppl who went through this but got help and tried to change to give us some advise. I do this because I’m numb to most feelings and I can’t bring myself to care anymore. I know I end up hurting ppl, or they hurt m, so I start to disappear on them slowly and avoid them. I feel pressured and uncomfortable being seen, even when I love my friends, I feel obligated to see and speak to them. I don’t enjoy it much.
Once you acknowledge it, it is your responsibility to do something about it. Don’t stay in your comfort zone. There’s so much joy in life that you’re missing because love and human connection is the most fulfilling aspect of being alive and human. You don’t have to settle there
haha i ghosted everyone too