When I was 16, I lost my grandad and a close friend a couple months apart and then my brother had to go for two open heart surgeries. Ever since then I have been terrified of death. The idea that one day I will die and just cease to exist gives me the worst anxiety attacks. I know that there was a time when I wasn’t born but I simply can’t imagine a reality where I just disappear, and my consciousness no longer exists. Even typing that last sentence has my heart beating so fucking quickly.
It’s not a constant daily fear, it comes in episodes that last nights at a time where all I can think about is how I could die at any moment and I’ve not done enough, I’ve not lived enough. I don’t think I’ll ever have lived enough to be prepared to cease to exist.
I know people will say that there’s no point worrying because no one knows and we all die anyway, but that doesn’t help me. Has anyone gone through something similar?
Comments
Hi. Yes, I went through a period of fear of death in my early 40’s. It was so bad that I wasn’t able to even enjoy hanging out with friends or going to a happy hour. There are a few things that helped get my head around it. I’m happy to talk to you if you need it.
What about not existing worries you? Is it not knowing what happens next? Is it not being a part of the world?
I know for me, I don’t fear the act of death (I’m Christian). Instead, I really fear the fact that at some point in your life, you just die slow. It’s not a movie death where you peace out after two weeks in a hospital bed. It’s months or years of expensive, painful agony. Where all you can do is watch TV and eat jello till you die.
There is no new experience, and all you can expect is to lose something else. You walk less than before, you no longer can use the bathroom, bathe,etc. You lose that forever. On top of that, there is a good chance you die alone without anyone around you. Maybe a nurse doesn’t give a shit because she’s taking care of 10 other people.
It’s gross, but I almost envy cultures where people die in their homes. There’s something nobel about dying in the house you raised your kids in and loved your wife in. A house you fixed up and had parties at.
It’s tough.
Other people have definitely gone through what you’re experiencing. Unfortunately I don’t know how you’re supposed to get over it. I could say all the stuff, but you’ve probably heard it before.
But death is a natural part of life. And its existence is what makes life so precious. By allowing yourself to spend your life worrying about the inevitable, you’re merely wasting it. You want to accept that there is an end so that you can truly live life to the fullest. That’s what’s important. You do not need to live forever, you need to make the most of the time you do have. And freaking out over something out of your control is not making the most of it.
In general you need to learn to let go of things that are out of your control. There’s no sense in worrying about something you have no ability to impact. Instead focus on the things you can control. Put your time, energy, and mental bandwidth into that category. Let go of everything else.
I feel the same exact way tbh
Either there is life after death, or there is not. If there isn’t, nothing to worry about. If there is, start behaving. I would rather live my life as if there was a God, and find out there wasn’t, as opposed to living my life as if there wasn’t and finding out there was.
I’m sorry for your losses, and I hope the memories of your grandad and friend continue to bless you.
Something that helps me is to repeat a movie scene in my head when I think about death and it starts to make me feel some type of way. I chose THIS SCENE, particularly the line, ”Forth, and fear no darkness!” And I like how the king has his army scream ”DEATH!” to desensitize them to it. Doing this has helped my death anxiety.
I won’t proselytize to you, but something that gives me hope in life beyond death is the fact that oftentimes people who are dying, whether religious or not, see visions of dead loves ones before they pass, and some see visions of beautiful lights. I don’t think people would do that if there wasn’t something more, you know?
At the end of the day, I don’t think it would hurt you to come up with any sort of theory that gives you comfort. If your theory turns out to be wrong, then oh well. You wouldn’t know any different if you’re dead.
Death is inevitable. If you spend your entire life fearing it, you don’t spend your life living. You can’t focus down the end of your time, because it can literally be any moment. Also, you may want to look into reincarnation. I heavily believe in it. Deja vu and toddlers able to recall another persons entire life who is long deceased and they never could have met, alongside other supernatural feelings are not for no reason.
Someone once told me to think of life through the eyes of physics
Energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be transformed from one form to another. This principle is known as the law of conservation of energy, which states that the total energy in an isolated system remains constant over time