I am 28f and I apologize I don’t post to reddit often but my confession is that I can’t clean my house. I’m in such a deep depression which I’ve been in for over 6 months and I worry that cleaning my house might worsen it. Like the shame of some coming into my house is what keeps me alive if anyone gets my meaning. This is stupid and will probably get flagged but I needed to tell someone . Sorry
Comments
Gotta start somewhere or you’ll spend another 6 months in your dirty house that’s actively contributing to your depression. Cleaining your house would make you feel better. Because your house is a reflection of yourself. If you clean it up youll unconsciously feel like you have some sort of control of your life. So start now. Start small. Throw out any trash. Then the dishes. Then sweep the floor. Etc. One step at a time. It doesnt have to be one big project but just start somewhere or youll dig yourself deeper in this hole.
To clarify the worry I’m feeling isn’t from the cleaning itself it’s of how I’ll feel when it’s clean and if I’ll be safe it is terrible hard to explain so I apologize
Honestly just start super small, like throw one thing away or wipe a counter and call it a win. Depression brain makes everything feel heavier than it is, but tiny steps add up way faster than you think. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re not lazy—you’re surviving.
Yes. Do a little more each day and set some goals for yourself. Change your perspective on it- maybe you like the cluttered space because your mind is also cluttered with things…however once you get it started it will hopefully help with your mental health too. Get some sunlight in there. You can do all things big or small.
Start with a shower. No expectations afterwards, just a nice long hot shower. Be kind to your body, that simple act of forgiving yourself for who you are nourishes your soul.
Wash up and imagine you’re washing off a little of the “funk” of depression. You won’t get it all but that’s ok. When you get out, get fully dressed. No pajamas this time, just regular attire. Then feed yourself. If everything’s dirty make soup and a sammich. It’s warm and comforting anyway.
Then remember you’re only human. The stuff in our houses is just stuff. None of it matters. If you want start baggin shit up and throw it away. It’s just stuff. Keep the family mementos and toss the rest. Start in a small area.
Please see a therapist.
As you obviously are hanging on by a thread there.
I get what you are saying. But you deserve better than this in life. Your pets would agree with that statement.
You aren’t a bad person, you are struggling with depression. A bad person wouldn’t care at all.
This isn’t stupid. You are just in a very bad way.
Shame isn’t a good reason to hold onto life, you’ve got to give yourself better than that.
The shame of someone coming into your house is what keeps you alive?
I don’t understand that.
But it is common during depression to not even have the care for hygiene so it’s not abnormal.
I just quit my job last week to stay home and babysit. I don’t start that till next week so i was so happy to have the time to finally get my house in order. Working ontop of home life is hard so the house is usually the one that gets neglected. And when your house is in a constant state of clutter and mess then we tend to be in a state of clutter and mess.
Don’t overwhelm yourself. Start in one room and move on to the next.
I started in my kids rooms so that i’d still be “forced” to do the living room and kitchen. You’ll feel better once it’s done. Cleaning won’t worsen it. It’ll be one less thing for you to worry about.
I didn’t mean for this post to blow up o was just yelling into a frustrated void I didn’t expect so many voices to respond I apologize
I really relate to this- I get incredibly bad seasonal depression and for 6 months of the year I’m debilitated. It’s awful! My house goes to shit each time. I’m really sorry that you’re going through depression like this too!
My strategy is to do 1 thing each day. And to like, pick an area (doesn’t need to be big) and clean that area. The dishes and the sink is 1 area , the table (and the floor under it) is another area etc. I just do 1 per day, and slowly I end up feeling better because I’m starting and finishing a task each day.
I’ve developed another rule for myself also: “don’t put it down, put it away”- it’s a great way to slowly start cleaning up the counters and clothes piles etc.
I hope this helps a bit, and I hope you start feeling better too!!
Just do a little when you feel you can manage it. Start a load of laundry or wash a cup. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Which means if you can’t face getting rid of all the trash today just fill a small bag and then tomorrow do it again and eventually everything will fall into place. Can’t face doing all the dishes, wash a cup, bowl, plate or a fork or spoon. Eventually there will be less of them. One step at a time.
Cleaning may actually help you feel better. But remember, it’s a marathon, not a race. Do it step by step with little goals.
I’m sure you can do it and I have faith in you
Why aren’t you seeking professional help?
There are many ways to find it.
Your worth isn’t measured by how clean ur house is
There is no moral tie to having a clean house. It is most important to have a safe house. Does your house cause you harm? If the answer is no, then you can accept your home as it is. A place where you feel safe and comforted that you can control and keep as you like.
If the answer is yes, my house does cause me harm, then evaluate how you can make it more safe and begin there.
Nah why care about others,do what you feel like doing.
I feel for ya. I ain’t even depressed and still can’t bring myself to clean the damn house! 🤦🏼♂️
It hits in waves. Pick one corner of one room. Keep that corner pristine. I have a Perfect Corner in my bedroom. My house has definitely looked worse than right now, but it’s getting bad again.
I keep my corner good.
It’ll slowly creep back to my woke place again.
Lady find one real friend who won’t tell you what you wanna hear and that you know what you need to do and sympathy points from Reddit won’t change how you feel about yourself
hey keep your chin up, things will get better.
Remember it’s not all or nothing. Spend 10 minutes doing dishes. It’ll make a difference physically and emotionally
Things that can motivate you are music, meditation, journaling, exercise, pep talks, company, nature, etc. I mean it’s not like you’re working, you can do all those dishes as you watch tv too. Wake up to an alarm that’s in another room. Maybe get out of your house so you’re fully awake. Are those days when you have plans any better? For me they are atleast. You’ll feel better at the end, know that. Yeah, doing certain sections at once is usually my go to also.
Depression makes simple things feel like climbing a mountain, ur not alone
Mmm I’ve been in a years’ long choke hold constantly decluttering but never making real progress ..
Thing just started to fo from back to worse.. I’d tidy and then be back to square one in a few days .
I was also unwell and recently had surgery.
Obviously the surgery helped me… but realistically
I had enough .. I really toughest it out over the past week
I bought some vitamin supplements ..
Started drinking more water and less crap but the major thing.. I stopped hanging out with a couple of people who were def draining my energy.
I always felt depleted after being with them I think I was soaking up some of their depression even tho we were laughing alot.. one lady had really bad hoarding issues after her mom died and we hung out alot ..
I need to rest for a week before getting energy to do anything again. By which time I saw her .. she started getting better and loosing weight. Tidied her home alot .. I realised it was time for me to look after myself ..
It’s taken alot of courage .. but I said to myself mig change requires big acts..
I envisioned my each room now I wanted it and then emptied everything that didn’t fit that vision into plastic bags .. I was ruthless..ditched 2, 3rds pf my clothes, gave away alot of stuff I valued but I had to be honest
With myself .. if it had gathered dust, clearly I wasnt using it or going to miss it..
I’m still going but I’ve made lot of progress.
See your space how you want it to be In your head and donehay every it takes to make that happen.
Good luck
You deserve to feel good in the place where you live
Break it down, section by section. I’m sorry depression sucks.
There is anxiety in change, even needful change. Striving to be better is noble but nerve-wracking bc “what if I get better, and then fail again?” That’s OK too.
It’s ok to try & fail & then do it again.
I cannot offer words to help with the depression directly but I can tell you my method of cleaning when I REALLY don’t want to. 10-15 minute timer and I clean as much as I can in that time.(like really racing myself to see how many dishes I can clean) Then I take an equal break to scroll or whatever, rinse and repeat until done. I recommend doing this and only spending an hour a day of actual cleaning so you don’t get exhausted and not finish. It’s kind of like working out in the sense that progress is progress no matter how slow.
I just want to say you’re not alone and depression is one of the worst feelings in the world that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Please do all you can to care for yourself. It is possible to feel better, don’t give up on that. Also, I get what you’re saying here, and I wouldn’t even worry about cleaning right now, I’d focus on getting the care you need to get better, whatever that is. A few years back when I realized my depression was too much, I emailed my primary care physician in the patient portal and said I was depressed and didn’t even feel up to calling. Could her assistant make me an appointment. She did. Also, I would say cutting phone use and sitting quietly near trees can help enormously. Really, nature was transformative. Once you feel better, you can focus on cleaning again. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I wish you all the serendipity possible to feel better soon. Getting the right care is so important, and I hope that for you.
DMed you
I get you. I have some really depressed stints that last for weeks. I come out of it and wonder what happened to my house. I start in the bathroom. Let’s clean the sink. That looks nice. Then clean the toilet so I don’t get sick. Then oh my let’s clean the bathroom floor so I don’t slip on clumps of hair or dirty clothes. But I only clean the shower when I’m in there, so I’m done. 20 minutes and the bathroom has improved.
You can start a load of laundry. Just find enough to start a load. Get it washing. Set an alarm to remind you to put it in the dryer.
You can do this. It’s not easy, but it’s not hard. It’s just gross for a while. But you can fix it with a small effort every day.
BTW…..you’re a fucking great person!!!!