This is a very long story but I’ll keep it as short and least confusing as I can but I’ll clarify in the comments if necessary.
When I was 19, I started an affair with my now husband, who is 15 years older. I didn’t care at the time, I justified what I was doing with “if it isn’t me, it would be someone else”. Eventually, I got pregnant and he left his now ex-wife. The divorce was extremely messy. She was rightfully really hurt and put their daughter a lot in the middle.
At some point before he left, I felt like he might be lying to me, and I reached out to his wife to talk to her because I wanted to leave him but I was worried about my baby. I figured that if I left, he’d stay with her regardless and I was really afraid of her taking out her resentment on him. From that discussion, I inferred that she was not going to treat my son right so I stayed.
Eventually, he did leave. It’s been years now and everything has calmed down. My children are happy, we are a functional couple and we’ve both been through a lot of therapy (both individual and marital).
I feel so much remorse for the amount of pain I caused her. I have felt like this for years and I always want to reach out, send her something to let her know that I would so things very differently if I could go back. I wish I never caused her that much pain. I feel shame and am horrified at how selfish I have been. But I know she hates me and I don’t know if reaching out to her would be selfish of mine because I don’t want to reopen wounds.
I treat her daughter (my step-daughter) the very best I can. Luckily, we have a good relationship. The divorce did a number on her and I cannot believe I participated in inflicting so much pain on a child. Everyday I try to be the best mother, step-mother and wife I can be so at least the children are happy. I feel like it’s the least I can do. I am not looking for sympathy, I sincerely want to know if I should reach out. Would it give her closure, would it hurt her more? What can I do to right by her that wouldn’t hurt more children?
Comments
Look, not gonna sugarcoat it, what went down was hella messy. But here’s the thing, IMO I don’t think reaching out would do good. Would prob just stir up old feelings or make her think you’re gloating. Best you can do is continue being good to the kids & being a better person each day, ya know? The past is the past, work on the present & future. Asking for forgiveness sounds more like it’s for your peace of mind than hers. Keep in mind, healing is different from forgetting. Cheers.
Maybe if you weren’t still with him, but it’s crazy and would just be like rubbing salt in the wound to still actually be with the guy and reach out!
Leave it alone. Don’t reach out to her. There’s nothing you can say to her for the hurt and pain that you put on her family. Let this be a lesson to everyone reading this to never get involved with a married man or a woman because it hurts the whole family. You are lucky that he didn’t cheat on you. Usually karma gets you and you get cheated on yourself.
Reaching out, although it feels like you want to do it for her, is really for yourself to make yourself feel better. It is not going to feel good for her to hear from you saying I’m so sorry. I stole your man. You can journal about it. You can forgive yourself. You can try and do better by others. You can try and teach your son on moral code that would keep him from behaving this way. You can do as much good in the world as possible. You can volunteer for an organization that supports single women with children. You can be creative and find your own ways to balance your bad behavior in the past with good behavior now. But leave that poor woman alone. It doesn’t help her that you feel sorry. It just rips scabs off old wounds.
No. It’s not going to in any way make her feel better about the situation or better about you.
You would only be doing it to make yourself feel better.
And potentially opening up old wounds for her.
I think the only thing that would bring her joy is your marriage failing. You seem to want to reach out to clear your conscience. That’s not the point. I’d not reach out and just try to be the best person you can every day. Eventually time heals all wounds
Sincerely, leave her alone. There’s nothing from the mouth of the teenager who her husband left her for that can make her feel better whatsoever.
Your husband is a creeper. I’m sorry, but where does a 34 year old man even meet a 19 year old? I bet this is a pattern for him, I’d keep close tabs on him.
I would not contact your husband’s ex-wife.
What I would suggest you do is write a letter to her. Write from the heart, tell her what you wrote in this post, pour your heart out. But don’t send the letter, instead tuck it away in a desk or drawer somewhere. This might make you feel better.
In my opinion? Leave the lady alone. She does not give a shit about your apology. she’s probably healed. she only had to heal because of you and her husband. Feels like you want to apologize to make yourself feel better. Let her live her life and figure out a way to forgive yourself because that’s all that really needs to happen.
I think you should apologize and take whatever she has to throw at you. You’re never going to be able to make this right or to take away their pain but you can acknowledge your part in it all.
Is your husband sorry? Does he know this is what you want to do? Do you want to apologize to quiet your own guilt or because it’s what you owe her?
It’s not the same situation but it doesn’t matter how much time went by, if I’m conscious of needing to make amends or to apologize, I do it and don’t expect forgiveness or a response even. I wish for once someone that had wronged me would get it and take accountability.
Honestly, I get why u’d wanna apologize, but think about it. Is it for her healing or ur guilt? If she’s moved on, don’t drag her back into that mess, might just open old wounds. Focus on being a good mom and wife now. We all make mistakes, it’s what we do after ’em that matters. IMHO, best thing is to let her live her life. Peace out.
Nothing better than someone committing adultery having remorse.
You need to reach out to her. It was disrespectful and you do deserve everything she gives you. If she even harms you, (I don’t wish this on anyone)
The fact you married him after that messy divorce and everything. And to think that he probably won’t cheat on you is bizarre.
Also, if you guys divorce. Do not sleep with any other MARRIED men because you already created a name for yourself for her side and maybe his side of the family for being a homewrecker
There’s no way I can feel that doesn’t sound like gloating, even though you mean it sincerely. YTA and your husband is, too. That guilt is yours to live with.
You share some of the blame, but an apology would be misplaced. There’s not much that you could do that would be worth anything to her. You were one half of the thing that ruined her marriage (in her eyes, I obviously don’t know the whole story). Keep being a good mom. That would be my biggest concern if my wife and I ever separated. I would not care how it happened (after some time). I would just want to know that my babies were being cared for/about when I could not be there.
Sorry, you suck and so does your husband. What a fucking terrible thing to do to someone. It should haunt you and hang over your head, and I hope it hangs over his, too.
You’re trying to give yourself closure, ho. Don’t reach out to her.
Ick a 34yo man dating a 19yo is just ick.
Honestly she’s probably happier she doesn’t have to deal with his creeper self anymore. You did her a favor honestly
Actions speak louder than words. She isn’t going to believe any apology you give, it will just irritate her at best. Best you can do is show improvement and regret by being a good step-mom and by helping her if the opportunity ever arises
Every point about your remorse, your selfishness, the pain you caused, what you inflicted on the child… it’s all about you, and your reaching out would only be to sooth your own conscious not to do anything for the ex wife.
So no, don’t reach out for yourself. Your excuses would be weak, and you can only cause more pain all around.
No. Don’t. You’re decisions caused alot of destruction. Of course your partner is as much to blame as yourself you knowingly tore apart a family. I went through this when my father left my mother for another woman and she divorced her husband for my father but let me tell you cheaters will always cheat. My father cheated on his mistress many times. At the end of my mother’s life she was upset that this woman came into my father’s life and caused her and her family so much pain.
I agree with everyone saying to leave it alone. What’s done is done. It sounds like time and aging have given you the perspective to realize how much this hurt her. Perhaps you realize how easy it would be for him to strike up an affair with another young woman, and how much this would hurt you. But just leave it alone. It would hurt her more.
The decision is yours in the end, but just realize that she has every right to reject hearing from you. She has every right not to accept your apology.
Honestly? I think the best apology is changed behavior and it sounds like you’ve already done that. Keep being kind to your stepdaughter, stay respectful from a distance, and let her heal on her own terms
Awww… you managed to grow a conscious after destroying someone and now you want to validate that by dragging her back into it. SMH.. the entitlement slaps hard with you… as does the gaslighting.
What goes around come around
No, don’t. Why throw more salt on the wound. You won, the end.
This woman wants nothing to do with you and you would only be reaching out to assuage your guilt. Don’t do it.
You are a terrible woman. You think reaching out would give you happiness? Come on.
I would say reach out to her if you are in a place where it matters to you that you help her find some peace.
The situation is hard. If my wife cheated on me, I would be immensely heartbroken. That sort of pain doesn’t really go away. But I believe in forgiveness. That we, as human beings, should strive for forgiveness and redemption and healing. So, my advice is that if you are truly seeking to repent of your actions for her good over your own, then yeah, you could reach out.
Leave her alone. You want to apologize for you, not her. Let the past be the past.
You shouldn’t. What difference would it make, now?
You’re still being selfish. This apology is hurt yourself, not her. If you care about her you wouldn’t have justified hurting her repeatedly in the first place.
You are living the life that caused her and her daughter so much pain. You are with the father of her child and partner to the man who promised a life with her and left her anyway.
Do your suffering in silence. Perhaps when he cheats on you, you could call her so she can appreciate you experiencing the same wrenching agony that you and he put her through.
Leave her alone. Youve already fucked up her life. And now you want to go apologize because YOU feel bad. You should feel bad. But she shojldnt have to hearnyou whine about what a pos you are. Let her get on with her life and deal with your own bs, if you need to tell someone sorry go get a therapist theyll give a shit about you because youre pahing them.
Also just think how you’re going to feel when he leaves you for the next woman. Are you going to want her to come tell you sorry she stole your man? Or are you going to want her to leave you the fuck alone.
Leave it all alone. You were a huge participant in her pain. She’s probably tell you to f$ck off and with good reason.
You should have felt this remorse or whatever before you started screwing around with a married man who is 15 yrs older.
At first, I thought to say no, don’t. It’s selfish and more about you. That still might be true, but your step daughter makes things different. The only question that really matters is what would be the most healthy situation for the kids. What kind of relationship is possible that would give them the most stability? How that goes is up to the mother given that she was wronged, but apologizing could help.
You can never escape karma , you have hurt an innocent child
Honestly karma’s a bitch and you sure as hell shouldn’t contact her and act all guilty and reopen all those wounds for her. She has hopefully moved on and you saying anything will just reverse that. Stay in your lane and leave her alone.
Just remember.. you lose em how you got em. Karma always spins the block.
Oh no, cheaters feeling bad for being a horrible person.
You’re reaching out for your own selfish reasons. Leave the woman alone. Your bullshit about feeling “remorse” is nonsense, you just want to make yourself feel better.
Seems to be a pattern for you, doing whatever you want at the expense of others. I’m not sure how you’re not realizing that it’s just your turn, you’ll lose him the same way you stole him and I hope your step daughter sees you for the garbage you are
Do not do that. My grandfather married his affair partner and his life burned down around him when he thought she was about to be accepted by the family. You messed up in a way his ex wife is unlikely to ever ever forgive you for and you’re going to have to learn to live with it.
Leave her tf alone
Sounds really tough…I would ask though, if you did reach out what is the best case scenario? Is it worth it? As like a few people have commented it might stir up so old feelings. Might be best to draw a line under it and accept that part of your life has gone.
Your husband is the one who should be apologizing to both of you. He took advantage of a 19 yo who didn’t know any better at the time and he cheated on his wife and child. You both are his victims. I would not apologize to his wife because it does seem like you’re doing it to relieve yourself of the guilt you are carrying.
I think your intentions while well meaning, have the potential to unintentionally stir things up again.
I think relationships can be messy & maturing sometimes changes our perspectives. I think your own self reflection in regards to your actions & how you feel now about everything is what’s really important & making the effort to be the best stepmother you can be, speaks volumes about how much you’ve changed.❤️
I despise people like you.
Yikes. Okay. You wouldn’t be reaching out to ease her pain, you’d be doing it to ease your own guilt. Leave the poor woman alone. By the way, if he’d do it WITH you, he’d do it TO you, so I hope you don’t think you’re somehow special or the last young, naive girl he’s going to go after.
(The guilt primarily should lie with the prize of a man you have chosen to stay with, btw; you were 19 and didn’t know what you were doing, but you do now and you feel guilty. That’s normal. But again, don’t rip open this woman’s scar tissue just to ease your own mind.)
Just leave her alone, don’t you think you did enough damage without now trying to make yourself feel better?
Your husband sounds like a groomer. What was a 34 year old married man (with children no less) doing with a teenager??? I hope you’ve talked this over with your therapist.
Reaching out now does nothing but assuage the guilt you (rightfully deserve) to feel. Leave that woman alone.
Don’t reach out. Everything is stable for the kids right now and if you reach out you risk that. She may not be in a good place so have you dump and apology might do more harm than good. She won’t necessarily trust what you are trying to do. It isn’t worth the risk!!!
Get away from their lives. You already did enough damage and only want to appease your conscience.
The guy is at fault too, completely, but you were the initiator knowing he was married and then married him.
Enjoy the adventure whilst it lasts and expect it to end the same way it started.
Never get in the middle of a relationship
It is unfair to ask her to forgive you, you are once again forcing her into a situation where she has to deal with this situation. Leave her alone. You already caused total devastation to her life and she rebuilt. Let her be.
Just leave her alone. There’s no good you could possibly do. What are you honestly expecting from her? She has no reason to forgive you. Your intent isn’t to help her. It’s to assuage your guilt. Don’t reopen her wounds to make yourself feel better. I get that you feel bad and that’s a plus because it means you’re not a sociopath but don’t. Just eat the guilt and let her be. She already has to deal with knowing you’re helping to raise her child. At least you’re genuinely doing your best at that. That’s how you apologize. Bend over backwards to do everything you can for that kid. You personally contributing to a college fund or another major expense like that (a car if she’s old enough) would go a lot farther than a heartfelt letter of apology.
Don’t reach out. You doing it for your remorse not her pain. It was never about her pain.
I don’t think reaching out is a good idea. The best thing you can do to make it better is to be the best stepmom you can be.
Time heals all wounds! Best for you is to stay away from her, let her heal without you showing yourself there.
Also, be aware, he cheated on his wife with kids with a young girl while he was 35 yo, that is beyond CREEPY!!! Not saying for sure, but your husband gives me pedo vibes, sorry just does!
Either way, is good that feel remorse, but there are 3 people at fault for this, is not just on you! His wife not meeting his needs (mind you, seems like he has pedo kinks, so maybe his wife could not help), the husband for cheating, and you for knowing he was married and still being with him!
The main thing you need to do is be aware that he cheated once, he may cheat again!
Keep your cheating mouth shut.
Leave that woman alone. You’ll be asking for forgiveness and apologizing for yourself and your own sense of guilt. And you and your husband have been selfish enough. Just leave her in peace. If she chooses to speak with you, if she wants to express something to you, then you can express your remorse, but be prepared for it not to be accepted because you hurt not only her but her child with your actions.
Lmfaoooo you and your shitty husband are bad people. He’s definitely going to cheat on you with someone younger and hotter. I hope he does.
Please do not reach out. You are doing it to soothe your guilty conscience. It would not heal her in any way, and rather would simply rip open her scabbed over emotional wounds.
When you find out that your husband is cheating on you. Do you want the other woman to come and apologize to you? One day you will be the same age that his wife was…. when you became his mistress.
Carry your own feelings.
No offense, but you are a piece of garbage. On one hand your not really gonna show a good example of being sorry if your still with her ex-husband and secondly your now husband is a creep for the huge age gap you mentioned.
Leave the ex-wife alone because your gonna cause issues for yourself and to your now husband and don’t parent her child either. I do hope your parents and friends went LC or NC with you for the way you helped destroyed someone’s marriage. You were old enough to know better and couldn’t find someone who wasn’t around 34 years old and married?! You are gonna be seen as the other woman by the ex-wife and your straight up rude for wanting to reach out and rub salt on the wounds.
Don’t stir up muddy waters. Leave well enough alone.
You might think you’re doing this for her, (and sorry if this sounds harsh and if you don’t think so) but you’re really doing this to fix your own guilt. I don’t know what you’ve talked about in therapy, but talk about thia with your therapist, not with the woman who’s like you wrecked. It will only remind her of her pain (which I hope she worked through and doesn’t need to be reminded of)
My dad left my mom for a much younger woman when I was a little boy. The scars are forever.
What I’m going to say is brutal but the truth. You need to hear it from someone.
Leave her alone. You’ve done enough damage. You didn’t care when it was happening, why would you care now? Nothing you can say or do at this point will make any difference in her world. You’ve done enough already to destroy it.
And this garbage about being a “step-mother”?
Sorry, but in the daughter’s eyes you’ll always be the “bitch” that broke up her family and took her dad away. That’s the way it is for you and that’s the way it was for me. You can’t get in her mind and change that.
The Coldplay couple that are everywhere you turn right now – do you see how the world is reacting to the HR bimbo? That’s you. Deal with it.
Just leave her alone please… it just seems like you want to rub it in her face even more. You’ve already caused her enough chaos, you KNOW she hates you, so just leave her.
Unless your apology comes with $1,000,000, keep your mouth shut. You feel shame because you deserve to feel shame. Trying to pawn your guilt off on the victim would give you closure, not her
This is all about you, just own the reality of what you did. Your peace of mind should come from letting go and moving forward, not from easing your guilt. Some things are supposed to hurt, you can’t fix it by apologizing, you are just asking your victim to do emotional labor for you. Grow up and live in the present.
You’re at the point in your life where your inner self is waiting for the other shoe to drop on you. The theory “If they cheated w/me they’ll certainly cheat on me” is alive and living rent free in your head. Good luck w/that.
You want to alleviate your owj guilt…leave her alone
You shouldn’t. In fact, why would you even think it might be a good idea? Didn’t see an answer in OP.
You want to apologize to feel better. Its not gonna do any good to the other woman.
Own your mistakes and live with it.
Your husband is a creep and a pos. You’re a terrible person yourself
Leave this woman alone
As s betrayed one let me say this: if there is one person on this planet I don’t want or need an apology from it’s my ex wife’s AP.
Let me phrase it undelicately. If her lungs were on fire I couldn’t be bothered to piss down her throat to extinguish the flames.
You willingly and deliberately destroyed a family and later forced the betrayed spouse to endure your presence because of the child you broke the family apart of.
You feel bad? Good, deal with it on your own. Be honest, you don’t care how your PoSs husband’s ex wife feels. It’s still and again about you and your feelings. You want to apologize to alleviate your guilty conscience not to actually apologize. What do you want to say anyway? And what do you expect? Forgiveness? Why? You didn’t care when you dished out the hurt. Why care now?
Keep it to yourself. If you feel bad whine to your husband
Maybe he will listen. Or find another AP. Who knows?
Don’t reach out. Most of us don’t want to hear how much you are in pain. You don’t know half of it what you caused.
Do keep it to yourself. She certainly doesn’t need anything from you and owes you even less.
You should not reach out to her about this. What you are looking for is some way to relieve your guilt. And if she doesn’t absolve you then you will think she is being mean and somehow you were in the right.
Treat her kids well. Compliment their mother to them appropriately. And leave it alone.
Don’t traumatize the ex-wife just so you can relieve your own guilty conscience. You’d be doing this for yourself; not her. Leave her alone and move on.
You would be causing her pain to make yourself feel better.
There may come a time when it’s appropriate to do so.
Write a letter and date it with everything you want to say. Put it away. If the time ever presents itself, you can give her the letter. She can choose whether to read it or not. That child is growing up. One day she may get married and you two will have to be civil for her sake. If she brings up the past, present the letter. If she does not, keep working in therapy to find a way to make a silent amends. But it sounds like you are already doing that with the treatment of your stepchild.
Haha. Restraining my language here.
No. You don’t get to do that.
You’ve had more than enough influence in her life, keep it to yourself.
And remember, if he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. Watch your back.
You’re still the self serving person now that you were the. This entire need to apologize is bc of your feelings and YOUR need to absolve yourself.
Leave that poor woman alone now and when he does to you what he did to her.
Why? This’ll just you being selfish once again
As someone who has been cheated on and left for the affair partner, please don’t reach out.
I wouldn’t want my ex’s girlfriend reaching out to me. The divorce wasn’t a pleasant experience, it took me a lot of work to get where I am – happy and thriving – and I honestly have moved on. I don’t need reminders, I don’t need to hear about the GFs feelings after the fact. I honestly couldn’t care less and just want to continue moving forward in my own peace.
Fins a way. Be ok with yourself. Forgive yourself. Process your emotional and mental needs. Move forward on your own path and leave hers alone.
Do you have any contact with her now? How is her relationship with your husband?
Maybe a card that is mailed to her so she can choose to reach out or not and can consider how she feels about everything?
Definitely tell the step daughter before reaching out so you don’t make her home life harder.
As the ex wife, this would piss me off.
Not only what you did was wrong, you didn’t care. You broke up a family and now you feel guilty.
Screw you. If the previous affair partner approached me, it would mess up all the work I put in forgiving myself for being the loyal fool to his lying, secretive second life, manipulative narcissistic ass.
STAY AWAY FROM HER
She got rid of a cheater and you married one. So she’s got that going for her.
I do wish her well.
Sounds like you got pregnant on purpose,as when you were pregnant, you thought he was lying to you about leaving his wife.
That makes this so much worse.
I wouldn’t say anything. That would not be right it’s not going to make her feel one iota better it would just make you feel better.
You actually won’t understand, until you find out he’s cheating on you.
Leave her alone.
Don’t…
She probably doesn’t want to hear it anymore and it’s not going to make her feel better.
The only person that’s going to feel better is you and that’s not what it’s intended to do.
You’ll get it eventually because once a cheater, always a cheater. Karma.
No.
You’re only going to reopen old wounds by reaching out. There is nothing you could possible say or do that would even do a fraction of alleviating some of the pain you caused.
Don’t be selfish and reach out trying to ease some of your guilt. Leave her alone. You owe her that much.
you mean groomed partner. she should be thanking you.
My advice? Don’t. You’ve done enough harm, just let things be. It sounds like you want to say sorry to help your own guilt now that you know how much you messed up. That’s selfish, just like having an affair with a married man was.
You were young and selfish, and that’s translating to when you are grown and still acting with selfish intent.
What good would come of you saying sorry to her now? Not for you but for the ex wife. None. It’s likely to drudge up old bad feelings and set her back. Hence, the selfish if you do this.
If she has hinted that she wants an apology, then that’s different. Just make sure that you take fully accountability and make it about the ex wife and not you.
Who are you trying to make feel better? I think it’s just your own selfishness. You want to feel less guilty for stealing someone’s husband.
I understand where your coming from. You went through therapy and you want to make it right, but the truth is you can’t. You can’t make it right. Has she been through therapy? If not, she may not be ready to forgive and forget. You are essentially part of what tore her, and her daughter’s lives apart. I am not saying you are to blame. That solely belongs to her husband, he was the one married. Leave her alone, maybe when the time is right for her she may come to you. Just keep doing the best you can.
I disagree with people saying don’t do it. If it were me as the wife, or ex-wife in this case I would be grateful that you acknowledged what you did and have more respect for you and feel more comfortable with you in the future. IMO, I don’t think it’s ever a bad thing to be kind to another person. I wish you the best. 😉🤗💞
Well most likely he’s cheating on you . When you catch him you will know what the ex felt and her getting to watch karma unfolding will bring her peace .
You are kidding yourself if you think he stopped cheating after getting you.
Leave it alone. Your words are for your benefit. They will not help her. Hopefully he learned his lesson, most cheaters don’t so be prepared. No, do not contact her….”I know I won and now have the family I want, but I wanted to say sorry.” Nope it is for you not her.
“I wish my husband’s mistress would call and apologize.,” said no one, ever. Leave her alone.
Leave her alone. You’re feeling guilty because you built your home on the pain of others. I will say you were young and dumb when most of this occurred, your husband bears the brunt. Don’t be surprised when his karma arrives.
Please leave her be.
You don’t deserve sympathy.
Leave her alone. You’ve done enough.
You will be her in time.
Don’t reach out, it won’t do any good. He cheated you didn’t , he should be the one apologizing to her not you.
Don’t try to clear your conscience at her expense. Leave her alone, you’ve done enough damage and caused more than enough pain.
I think your motivation for wanting to do this has come from you maturing. If I were in the ex wife’s shoes I don’t think hearing off you would bring me any closure tbh. I would let sleeping dogs lie. I’d also be somewhat relieved to be rid of a man that didn’t see an issue with that age gap. I have a young daughter and I’d have serious concerns about that age gap. If you were 40 and he was 55, ok but 19 and 34 gives me the ick.
Hi my dear, I’m not going to bash at you and from your post you made some mental transition. At least you understand what pain you caused and you take some accountability.
Having said that, it doesn’t erase what you did in the past, so as many very rightly emphasize it would be a very bad idea to talk to the „ex-wife“. For her it doesn’t matter whether you feel remorse or not, she will always despise you no matter what. And I do understand her very much, you‘ve destroyed her family, you‘ver destroyed her daughter‘s life as well by tearing the parents apart. You even got pregnant so that her husband was forced to make a decision. You probably put pressure on him so that he left his family for you!! Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean to put all the blame on you, your husband is no better. He’s a lier, he’s a betrayer with low traits. For you, I hope that counseling for you both helped you both to resist to any kind of seduction otherwise you might end up like the „ex“.
Long story short: no don’t contact her, don’t message her, just leave her alone and don’t open wounds again just to ease your guilt 💁🏻♂️
I’ve been the ex wife who was cheated on…the last person I ever want to hear from is his affair partner turned wife.
Leave the ex wife alone, please. It hurts me every time my ex’s wife tries to contact me.
I’ve been divorced 13 years and all it does is open the old wound and it hurts like hell to relive the betrayal, the self doubt, the feelings of depression and inadequacy.
Let me be totally honest.
The hurt you caused is what it is you show remorse now personal growth is great but don’t dig things up for that woman again to make yourself feel better feel proud you have grown but leave her be.
There is absolutely no amount of regret or apologies that is going to mend this relationship. You hurt her in ways you may never understand. Just as your husband did to her as well. You and your husband made her feel less than human with the affair. The only thing you can do is continue to be a good mother and step mother. She may heal with time but I’m afraid that’s a pain that’s always going to stay with a woman. The important thing is that you have grown and know that you did wrong. I hope that one day you can forgive yourself. My advice would be to ask her to lunch or coffee. If she accepts, start out with saying you aren’t expecting her to accept an apology but that you want her to know that you acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused. Tell her what you have learned and how you’ve grown, and that your main goal is to raise her daughter as well as your own with love and care for her as your own. And then take the years of hurt she has carried as she gives it to you, as it is deserved. That is in hopes the two of you can have a grown woman conversation. What comes of it isn’t really in your hands, however you have to accept it.
Nope. Don’t say a word. I’d never forgive the woman that helped my family break up. Leave it alone.
You want to reach for YOU, not her. It will alleviate YOUR guilt by apologizing to her and the only thing she gets is a painful wound getting ripped back open.
Wallow in your guilt pain shame sorrow whatever but do not reach out to that woman.
Apologize if doing so would not hurt her or others. Your intuition is telling you what to do for a reason
Edit: Oh wait you’re still with him. Nevermind! There can’t be an apology without repentance and willingness to make amends. Live with your well-deserved guilt.
Leave her alone.
What would it accomplish? Sounds like you want to do this just to make yourself feel better.
Why cause her any more suffering, just so you can unburden your conscious?
Leave her alone.
Don’t do it. It will cause more trouble than it’s worth.
I’ll be blunt. You’re not a good person. There’s a degree of “young and stupid” that goes into the decision (yes, decision) you made to f—k another woman’s husband. But it’s a very small degree. Very small because your equally morally repulsive husband was, in theory, older and smarter when he made the decision to f—k you.
You reached out to the woman whose life you DESTROYED once and it didn’t go well. You can’t dip into that well again.
Please, leave the ex-wife alone. You wouldn’t be reaching out for her. You’d be doing it for you. And YOU don’t matter to HER.
Drop it
She’ll never forgive you for taking part in destroying her dreams.
Yeah, he’s to blame. But you can’t fix this. Ever.
Leave her tf alone. Been the one who’s been left and the other woman made contact with me and it did not go down well. Find some other way to quieten YOUR guilt, and leave her be