I went with my boyfriend and his friends and their girlfriends to the beach yesterday and i knew going in that im the biggest one by a long shot out of all of them but it was still hard being next to all these girls in their bikinis and perfect bodies and i just don’t know what i offer. My boyfriend thinks im attractive and tells me all the time. But it was also weird because of the guys he was the most fit one and of the girls i was the least fit. It just makes me wonder if people don’t think we match or fit together physically like maybe he should be with a skinny girl like other guys. And also it wasn’t like these girls were just skinny they had boobs and curves in the right places so i can’t even use that as an excuse
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Remember that he chose you, not them
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Life is too short to spend this much energy thinking this way. Your boyfriend thinks you’re gorgeous and that is what you should care about. Live life proud and loud, let your personality shine through and that’s way more attractive than a skinnier body ❤️
He chose you, so maybe he likes fuller figured chicks. I know many guys that love full figured women.
However, the important question imo, is: are you happy with your body? If it bothers you, then work at it. That’s what you have control over.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. A lot of super fit men prefer bigger girls. You don’t need to compete with the other girls because there is no competition. It’s hard to love yourself when you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, but it’s way easier when you have someone who loves your own skin regardless.
Maybe he likes your curves? Maybe he likes you as a person? If he can have someone more conventionally attractive and he picked you, it’s because he wants you.
People have different tastes. I’m skinny and I’ve met men that aren’t attracted to me because they like bigger girls. Weight ≠ Attraction.
I bet you’re beautiful. ❤️
If you’re not happy with yourself and you don’t like the way you look then try make a change, start going to the gym or exercising more?
Girl im pluszize and the amount of ripped or good looking men that i have been with was an eyeopener. I deffinetly think a lot more men like bigger woman but due to socially pressure from media ect. Men.dont truly prusue what they actually want😅
My bf is also on the good looking side😂 even tho im super fat
I’ve been told it’s quite common for incredibly fit men to choose bigger women. Damned if I know why.
Im thick and often thicker than my friends and most of my lovers or partners were super fit or skinny. I find i love all body types of men, sometimes even plump, but generally prefer fit or very skinny and prefer plump women although I can certainly understand the fit girls being hot. At this point unless I radically pick up my kettlebell again or my insurance one day covers ozempic, im going to be plump with fit muscular legs. I like dating men who love my body. Im sensual and sexual and date a lot younger and I do think men like a range of sizes and body types. Some men dont like thin or muscular. They want big sensual curves..I’ve been around the block long enough to know people have preferences. The few times I was super fit I might have gotten tons more guys interested in me, but I also have found lots of men like curves and softness. One hot guy I dated would grab my stomach in bed. I think feeling sensual and confident really turns men on. Many thin and fit women do unhealthy things like throw up to remain thin and often dont even feel good about themselves. (Not all. But its very common) Don’t compare yourself to others. Be a goddess in your own body, be sensual, enjoy yourself and pleasure and treat your partner with nurturing and sensuality, too. He chose you.
Genuinely, why does it matter??? I’ve always been the “fat” girlfriend/wife and my husband has always been the thinner, fitter one. Never for a moment did it matter. There are couples of all shapes and sizes.
All that matters is that your partner treats you with love and respect and loves you for YOU.
If you want to, try to lose weight. But do it for yourself. Don’t let this insecurity sabotage something good.
“perfect body” in the 1700s the perfect body was a bigger body, In the mid/ late 1900s you were supposed to be extremely skinny, today you’re supposed to be skinny/ curvy. There’s no “perfect body” it’s just a trend. If you’re happy with yourself and you have good health then that’s all that matters
everyone saying it doesnt matter he chose you blah blah but ive been in your place, i understand and it sucks. him choosing you isnt going to erase or create that insecurity or confidence. him preferring bigger girls or curvier girls or whatever rlly doesnt matter. the feeling is still there. i dont really have much advice other than use this as fuel to workout and get fit. your bf is fit, so he can probably help you and would prob be jazzed if you started to workout with him if you dont already.
It’s easy to feel overshadowed in moments like that, but your presence and confidence bring something unique and valuable that no one else can offer. You’re not just there, you’re part of the story, and that matters more than anything else.
I know its cliche, but you really cant compare beauty to beauty. Like how Christmas lights are beautiful, but so are sunsets. You may LOOK different, but youre beautiful in your own way ♡
Hey, save yourself a lifetime of mental turmoil, and build your self confidence NOW. You’ve got mental work to do, and these thoughts are only going to hurt you and your relationship. If you seriously think your body is unattractive and can’t understand why anyone would want to date you, then you need to do something about it. Or, you love yourself exactly as is. But either way, it’s all on you.
Girl honestly as someone who is bigger than her friends. It doesn’t matter. Yes it can be upsetting but I bet you bring a lot to the table aside from your body AND you’re beautiful. Your bf loves you and you should love you. Your body is the least interesting thing about you and there’s so much joy to find in life to spend time worrying what our bodies look like. Just enjoy your days out and have a blast! Xx
Thin can be sexy, yes. But so can thick. Just because you may not be society’s ‘ideal’ body type (whatever the fuck that means) does not mean that you’re not hot. I was always attracted to a petite body type. Then I met my wife who is full figured and I find her sexy as hell. I’m attracted to both her body and mind and her weight does fluctuate but I don’t care. Whatever the shape of her is, that’s what I want. Because it’s her. Trust me, your bf, and likely a ton of other people, think you are very hot.
Some of these fit guys are fit in part BECAUSE they like bigger women. Trust me.
People like what they like and he likes YOU.
I understand being self-conscious. It sounds like your boyfriend is super into you though.
And honestly? I know you know this, but I’m going to reiterate: it doesn’t matter what people think. Honest to god, it does not matter.
Dont concern yourself about others opinions. Be in the moment and enjoy your life with your boyfriend. It all could be over at any moment and you dont want to be regretful that you wasted time being worried about the opinions of ppl not involved in your relationship.
He picked you. I totally get what you’re feeling coz I’ve felt that way before w my ex but he picked you. He likes you. There is no logic to the insecurity as much as it sucks and feels like there is.
Try to remind yourself of that.
You girls and us guys always compare and compare and compare, we all need to grow up and learn most of the time it is not about preference but the choice, you aren’t as fit as them so you have nothing to offer, what about your personality and standards aren’t these amazing offers you have on you, or just because we can’t see it, it doesn’t count? Love yourself more and stop focusing on others and learn to focus on yourself
sounds to me like he loves you and so should you! he chose you not his friends babe <3
Like others have said: He chose you and not the other girls.
If you are insecure about your body then it wouldn’t hurt to try dieting/exercising. Forget the image aspect of it, but the health benefits from living a healthy and active lifestyle are amazing, and I wish I had gotten started sooner.
Not only that but it can make you feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin!
My fittest friend, like personal trainer, athlete all his life, etc… was always super into bigger girls. People like what they like, and I find often it’s fit confident men who are less concerned about what society says they should like.
girl he chose you. clearly your body is what he wants
If it’s causing you this much distress maybe change your lifestyle and diet.
As the fat friend, yes they are thinking that. And yes, it’s absolutely too bad for them if they are that vain that they spend any more than a moment thinking about it.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Love yourself and take actions to be happy and healthy.
Your body, your choice.
You can either be proud of it and happy in your own skin because your body takes care of you. Or, if you are that unhappy with how you look, you can change it.
Don’t let peer pressure control you. You are free to do whatever you want so long as you aren’t hurting others.
Fat can’t hurt anyone other than the person wearing it (heart disease, etc). Existing is a human right. You are allowed to be comfortable and happy existing with fat. Those who are judgemental due to fat are the ones with mental issues that need fixed. Someone who is trying to guilt trip other people into conforming to to their standards is a terrible person. Their disgust is their problem to deal with, not yours.
The opinions of other people are ultimately their business. You can’t change them. If they want to be a judgemental AH, then they have proven to have a shitty personality, and therefore not worth being friends with.
Even your bfs opinion about your body doesn’t matter. He could love it or hate it, but that doesn’t matter, because only you live in your body 24/7. He should love YOU no matter what your body looks like. If he is choosing to sleep with you based solely on how much bodyfat you have, then he is objectifying you. Period. He should want what’s best for you, and he should trust you to be able to make your own decisions. That means loving you and supporting any decision you make for yourself.
If you are happy the way you are, then embrace that and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. If you want to make changes, then do it! It’s up to you to make yourself happy.
TLDR: The opinions of others are temporary and ever changing. The only constant in your life is you. If you are comfortable and happy, then enjoy it. If you are wanting to change, then take action and make it happen. You will always be you, and your personality is what makes people truly like you or not. Those who are materialistic enough to have a mental meltdown over some fat need to get help for their mental issues. Fat isn’t inherently bad or good. Too much or little of anything is what causes problems. It’s up to you to decide if you can manage those problems or avoid them. You are worth more than the opinions of others. Your life is yours to live, so please, enjoy it as much as you can. We only get 1 (as far as we know).
I’m the bigger of the two of us in my marriage. When I get in my head about my weight I remember how she has said yes to me, chosen me, time and time again. When you love someone, like really deeply they can change physically and you don’t even notice. You just see them. Your man sees you never forget that
Most of the time men don’t understand what attracts them to one woman over another but they do typically have a type. There are many reasons why we are attracted and one of those is for reproduction. Subconsciously, he may find you attractive because he finds you the most suitable to reproduce with.
If you’re happy with yourself and he’s happy with you don’t worry about the rest.
i went to a dinner with my husbands high school friends, many skinny and conventionally attractive ladies and one bigger lady. I told him outright at the end when we were alone that the bigger lady was the most beautiful and attractive of all of them- it’s the way she carries herself, the way she dresses for her body type, and her mannerism that made her more attractive than anyone else at the table.
it’s not about your size, it’s about you as a person that makes you beautiful and attractive to HIM, not to anyone else 🙂
Sounds like your bf prefers bigger girls.
Have you considered losing weight?
I am also the fat “girlfriend” (I’m non-binary but present very fem) of the group and the biggest romantic partner my boyfriend has had, so I deeply empathize with how you’re feeling. I’ve always been the biggest in my friend groups, even when I was little, and it’s so easy to feel othered or other yourself from your skinnier, fitter friends. I’m constantly putting myself down because of my weight and for being bigger than my partner, but he adores me and loves my body, assuring me of that fact all the time. But even with that reassurance, that doubt always manages to get to me, too.
I don’t really have any advice for you because we’re sitting next to one another in the same damn boat, but your boyfriend chose you and wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t love and adore you for who you are. You’re not alone in these thoughts, but please don’t let them consume you. Acknowledge those feelings, feel what you need to, and let them go. Don’t let them fester into something that will devastate your relationship with your partner. <3
I’m also the biggest one in the girlfriend/spouse group. I feel self conscious about it often. But my husband chose me, I was overweight when we met and even though I’m losing weight now I am still bigger than these other girls. He loves me as I am and I know he loves my body.
As long as your bf is not doing anything to contribute to your insecurity, just try to love yourself and remember all of the amazing things this body does for you ❤️
Use that as motivation to lose weight.
>I just don’t know what I offer
Yourself. Those girls are girls of another. Your man loves you for who you are.
Edit: finished reading, it’s who you are. Your boyfriend likes your body but he loves you in your entirety. There is more to a person than what they look like and you picked a good one. He knows what he wants and what he’s looking for and it’s you.
While I’m sure he thinks you’re the hottest one around, don’t forget relationships are built on a lot more than looks!!
I’m definitely the big girlfriend every time we go on group dates. I used to be self-conscious, but I’m not anymore because I know my fiancé loves me because “I’m the nicest girl he’s ever met.” Trust me, if a man chooses you, it’s because he wants YOU, all of you 🩷
Girl, I feel you. I dont find myself attractive AT ALL, but my partner is constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much he wants me. I know he means it, but I’m still like, “Sure, Jan 😒”. I don’t have to love myself as long as I know he loves me.
He picked you for a reason, so don’t try to compare yourself to the skinny girls.
Have you ever heard the expression “Comparison is the theif of joy”? Either way, just sit with it for a minute and let it really simmer in your mind for a little while.
I’m nearly 50. My weight has fluctuated my whole life. I’ve been you most of my life, self-conscious because of my weight, because of my flat chest, ample thighs, too white skin, thick ankles. Hell, I’ve needlessly suffered every summer in sweltering heat because I hated my legs so much that I refused to wear shorts or skirts. But just this morning I told myself fuck it. I’m buying shorts. I’m going to be comfortable for once and I don’t care what anyone thinks about my body.
In all those years, not one of my SOs ever had a complaint about my body. My current partner is always grabbing at me, asking me to flash him. I feel old and dumpy some days, but he obviously sees something different. Every single criticism I’ve had came from my own traitorous brain.
Please, don’t waste as much time as I have hating your own body. Find something about it that you love and really focus on that. Your boyfriend chose YOU for a reason, focus on that!
Life is way too short to spend it worrying about how others view you. Build yourself up. There are things that make you fucking awesome! Love yourself! Men find that sexy as hell by the way!
Why not rebrand that title you’ve just opened the conversation with and come up wit a not so obvious descriptive tag to introduce as ..
If it was me , Instead of describing myself as a “FAT PERSON” I’d say something that doesn’t get such a definite negative opening first impression ..
I’d imagine there’s plenty better terms if u thought about a nicer title but even something like “ULTRA NOURISHED “ I would resister with me as “non fat”
He’s investing in you
As others have said, comparison is the thief of joy.
Also, what is considered a perfect body, or image, is subjective and often warped by own experiences.
At the end of the day people have specific tastes, not everyone is attracted romantically or sexually to skinny people, my self included. 🤷
Some guys are just into big girls. It’s not uncommon at all. We all have our individual taste, what attracts us to our partner. Obviously, you’re what your boyfriend is attracted to. Stop questioning yourself, you’re worthy of someone finding you attractive.
Girl who cares?! Different strokes for different folks. If he’s attracted to you that’s what matters. I say flaunt it
Comparison is the thief of joy. And those girls you’re comparing yourself to, that in your opinion look “slimmer” than you? They’d probably feel just as self conscious if they compared theirselves to the next best looking girl on the beach. Theres always better, always worse. Just accept yourself as it seems your BF accepts and loves you for you.
So lose weight 🤷♂️
dude chose you, remember that
if your weight bothers you that much, change it. track your calories. slowly reduce your carbs, dont go too crazy with it, a long weightloss journey with small changes to your diet is more sustainable than anything drastic.
start fitness, work out, maybe do a martial arts, look into sports or join a running club.
change has to come from you.
Once saw a video from a very fit guy saying he is not working that hard on the gym so he would lift sticks. He said i need meat to live. And i will be physically fit to lift it up Goddemn😂. Maybe your man is in that category of men. So enjoy him 😊😉
I’m always the fat friend/partner too. It’s hard to feel comfortable in a room full of smaller people, but like others have said: your partner has chosen you for you.
As a plus sized girl myself, some guys like squish. He chose you! He picked you and took you to the beach. You have nothing to be concerned about. Be confident, you have shot guy who loves you. Parade him and your curves down the beach. You earned it!
This is your insecurities speaking sometimes some people pick someone or not even picks them but falls in love with someone for them and not what they do or don’t look like, your find people who pick a person on the connection and what’s important in a relationship are happy together those who pick on looks are happy for a little while untill there ugly traits become something they start to resent!
As someone who’s been thin, fat, and everything in between.. comparing your body to anyone else’s is dangerous water to be treading.
There’s attractiveness, and then there’s beauty. I’ll bet your boyfriend thinks you’re beautiful. And you should, too.
This reads as if my wife wrote it. If he likes it don’t let your own insecurities destroy it.
Hi, fellow big girl here. Let me tell you that there are absolutely people in this world who prefer our body type. It took me until my mid 30s to realize this, which is too bad. But it’s true. Especially people from other cultures (ie: not white Americans) that haven’t historically put so much importance on thinness.
Oh honey. Please trust that if he chose you, he likes you for you, and I mean all of you, body shape/ size included. My partner and I are very opposite in body composition too, but his shape and size is exactly what I like and am attracted to. Why assume he wants something YOU are defining as attractive? He knows what he finds attractive and chose it and baby girl that’s you.
I’ve always known fit men to love curvy women. I see an attractive couple in the way their energy compliments each other and how comfortable they feel together not in their body types. Your body is just as perfect as the thin girls at the beach babe
Sounds like me and my fiancée! I’m by far the fittest in my close friend circle while my fiancée gained weight from medication and an injury. I don’t for a second regret going for her. I just wish her friends and family gently encouraged her to have a healthier lifestyle at a younger age 🙁
So sorry you are worried about what others think… Different strokes for different folks. You and your boyfriend chose each other. Focus on that and enjoying each other.
My girlfriend isnt on the bigger side, on the contrary, she’s really skinny, but i think its analogous. She always compares herself to people with bigger boobs, thicker legs, prettier facial features and nothing NOTHING can convince her that i absolutely love everything about her face, every little detail. Her body too, her “small” boobs are perfect, her legs are just what i love, her smile makes my heart melt and one of the most important things people always forget, i would trade no one for her because i couldnt imagine a more perfect person with a better personality. I dont care about societies beauty standards, to me she’s prettier than people that are perceived as more attractive and i hope that she can see that too someday. Hope this helps!
Stop wondering what other people think. Your man chose YOU for a reason. You might not like your body, and that’s a valid and common thing, but he sure does!!!
If you aren’t happy with your weight, you can try whatever you want to change it. Don’t let YOUR feelings about your body trick you into thinking your partner is unhappy with you.
I’m a fat girl and my skinny man would have me for breakfast, lunch, dinner, AND dessert if I let him. Fat on your body doesn’t mean you aren’t hotter than hell. Don’t concern yourself with the opinions of people who don’t matter to you.
The trick to not have yourself be a staring subject, and to project positivity, no matter what you look like no matter what you feel, is to carry yourself confidently. Not self-consciously.
Shoulders back just a little puffed and a confident walk. Do not fold in your chest like Don’t look at me. You must carry yourself proudly and that will negate the negativity. Just do it.
You’re hotter than you think you are.
Definitely trust that if he chose you, he will like you for being you! Your body and size included
in his eyes, you are the most beautiful.
U probably got the best personality doe
Listen. I went from being the skinniest to the biggest in my friend group. If your partner loves you and finds you attractive, that’s that. I’ve struggled with my body image and size but my husband d loves be despite other “hot girls” in our friend group. You need to learn how to love yourself, because you’re partner wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t,
Like everyone is saying here, he chose you and not someone else. But if it’s bothering you so much, you can always go in shape. Unless he specifically likes you for being fat, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you opt to lose some weight.
Do whatever you think is best and best of luck.
I weighed up to 80 pounds more than my husband when he was military and fit. It didn’t matter to him what size I was for decades until I had a heart attack, now he is a bit opinionated about me exercising and maintaining my glucose, but he has never ever displayed a lack of attraction. And later, he gained about 80 pounds and I never lost attraction to him. Attraction is very superficial these days, but not universally. My attraction to my husband and presumably his toward me isn’t based on just looks. I bet your fella has more depth and sees all the wonderful beauty in you 🙂 just because one set of criteria gets all the press, doesn’t mean everyone uses that. You are a whole wonderful person and you *deserve all the love!❤️
I mean you can always just ask him why he chose you over anybody else if you think it’s weird but you need to finally be ready to actually listen to your man when he says nice things to you and take it in. If he says you’re beautiful or wonderful or anything else, it’s because you are. Listen to him. Your weight does not determine your beauty or your worth.