I’m tired of feeling afraid

I try to keep a positive mindset but it’s so hard when you’re surrounded with too much negativity. When I try to ignore the bad news I find it in everyday conversations “didn’t you hear? Something bad’s going to happen, the whole country will blow up” as if what we’ve been through isn’t enough. And I’m already an overthinker so you can imagine how very exhausted this is making me.. I don’t wanna give specifics so please don’t ask but I’ll just say where I live is a very chaotic -and dangerous- place. We’ve been through an apocalypse-like experience in the near past and currently I’m in a safe area but who knows how long until everything blows up again and there’s nowhere safe to go at all? The option of leaving the whole country is off the table atm for several reasons, and I hope it doesn’t get to that.. But as I said before it’s so hard to hold on to hope when everything -and everyone- is incredibly pessimistic (or maybe they’re being realistic and I’m in denial lol)

Anw I just really miss the times where I felt anything, anything other than constant fear.. I’m a woman a bit over my mid-twenties and I don’t feel my age at all, I don’t look forward to the future cause what if it’s as bad as the “worst case scenarios” I imagine everyday? I live mostly in the past reminiscing over when life was normal and when I was able to experience other emotions as intensely.. Or even at all.

P.S: I’m going to see a therapist soon about all this and esp the last part cause I’m seriously not able to feel anything , hopefully it’ll be helpful. I just had to let this all out since my friend just decided to send me an onimous news article past midnight about how we’re sitting on a volcano and yeah, now thanks to her sleeping is not an option anymore lol