I’m turning 40 soon and I’m still a virgin

So yeah. Like the title says, I’m a 39 year old virgin, turning 40 in two weeks. I’ve told myself every single birthday that this is gonna be the year I finally change things. That I’ll lose it, maybe find someone. And every year, nothing changes. Still here. Still alone.

I’ve been trying. Like actually trying. I downloaded all the popular apps, set up my profile, put in effort. I even paid for premium a few times just to see who liked me, but even then it’s mostly bots or just nobody. It’s depressing. Months go by and I get zero attention. I don’t even know if it’s me or just how messed up these apps are. But deep down I keep wondering, maybe is it because I’m ugly? Like, truly unlovable?

I’m unemployed right now, yeah, but I haven’t given up. I’m trying to get my life together. I buy good clothes, take care of my hair and beard, skincare too. I’ve even got pics with a nice car (not mine, I know, but whatever) and still nothing. Not even a convo that goes anywhere.

And yeah, I even tried gay apps when things got real desperate. At least there I got more messages, but it still never led to anything. The one guy who seemed into me just changed his mind right before we were gonna meet. I don’t blame him. I guess I’m just… not enough.

At this point I’m not gonna lie to myself anymore. I don’t think next year’s gonna be different. I’m not gonna pretend I have some plan or motivation left. I’m just really tired.