I’ve struggled making friends basically my whole life- I had none in primary, struggled a lot in secondary school and never managed to keep any, and only made a few friends in college. Everyone told me going to university would be different but it’s been a lot worse than anything before.
I’m a university student in my first year, and it genuinely feels like something is wrong with me. I’ve always felt like there’s something about me that makes people instantly not want to be my friend just from being around me, or they’ll always find someone better or more interesting, but this year has just solidified it. I havent spoken to anyone in almost 2 months outside of my part time job and messaging the few friends from home I have, all who are too busy with their own lives to talk to me, which I understand, but this year has just made me violently depressed.
It’s gotten to the point I can’t even do anything anymore. All I can think about is what is wrong with me that people just have never really wanted to be my friend, and why no matter what I do, and I did everything right- went to social events, weekly clubs, spoke to people in classes and group projects and never said no- but I feel physically incapable of making any. People like to be around me in the moment but never want to talk further, will never be the ones to iniate anything, and even if I do plans always seem to get dropped. Knowing people struggle to make friends after education ends, I feel like this is the end of my life. I’m just going to be alone forever
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Most universities have counseling available for free for students. My suggestion is to sign up for counseling. Maybe they can help pinpoint what you need to change or project to others.
What hobbies do you have? Find a hobby group on Instagram, FB or Reddit. Also therapy via job or university.
You seem to be waiting for people to come to you. You need to text/call etc. also find people with similar interests.
Talk to a therapist. It sounds more in your head than in real life.
Friends are 100% random. Sometimes you make them from the most random locations. Clubs and school and such help. Do you talk to them afterwards? What you talk about? How you interact with others?
Also any mental issues? I know autism causes issues with social cues and their a bazillion mental issues that can cause difficulties forming connections from anxiety and depression to more fun stuff.
I might be out on a very long limb here, but have you looked at the criteria for autism, specifically in women? A lot of women fly under the radar when it comes to ASD, as it’s still somewhat stereotyped as a male issue.
Therapy
One thing that is kind of a difficult fact to accept at times is a lot of friends are friends of convenience. Many of my friends now are friends from work because that’s where I spend so much time, but I don’t know if we would have become friends outside of the situation. Growing up, most of my friends were made through church or sports.
If you aren’t already, joining a group in college is one of the best ways to make friends at school, so I highly recommend that route. Or even try something like Bumble BFF – you don’t need to make tons of friends; sometimes it just takes one great friendship. I’ll also add this – making friends often was awkward and felt weird, but that’s temporary.
Also, I doubt you are inherently unlikeable or too weird for friends, but even if you were, there are matches out there for everyone. You just have to work at it.