Let me start by saying I truly don’t have anything against being gay. I believe people should be free to love who they love and live the life that feels right for them. One of the people I care most about in this world my best friend is gay, and I love him deeply, like a brother.
For the past two years, we’ve been hitting the gym together, helping each other stay committed to our goals his was he wanted to lose weight and become healthier. Mine was to gain muscle and get more defined in my muscles. We’ve both made real progress lost a lot of weight, gained muscle, and built more confidence along the way. But over the past month or so, I’ve started noticing some changes in him that I didn’t expect to affect me the way they have.
Physically, he’s just changed a lot. His waist has gotten slimmer, his body overall seems more toned but also more feminine in shape. His butt’s gotten a bigger and more defined, and even his facial features have softened in a way that honestly just caught me off guard. I found myself noticing these things, and then immediately feeling confused and guilty for it because he’s my best friend. And the last thing I’d ever want is to disrespect him or our friendship.
But these thoughts keep coming back not in a sexual or lustful way, but in a way that makes me question what I’m feeling. I’ve always seen myself as straight. I’ve had a girlfriend. So this just doesn’t make sense to me. And to be honest, the idea of possibly being anything other than straight is scary not because I think it’s wrong, but because of where I come from.
My mom is a Christian Black woman who’s always been pretty homophobic and has made some racist comments. My dad is a traditional Latino Muslim who wouldn’t understand any of this. If I ever said something like this out loud, I don’t think they’d even try to understand.
Maybe I’m just overthinking. Maybe these feelings will pass. But what if they don’t? I’m scared I’ll start pulling away from him not because I want to, but because I won’t know how to deal with how I feel. And that idea honestly hurts more than anything else.
I don’t really have anyone in my life I can talk to about this. I guess I just needed to get it out of my head and say it somewhere to someone who won’t judge me.
Comments
First off, noticing changes in someone you’re close to – especially someone you spend a lot of time with at the gym – doesn’t automatically mean anything definitive about your sexuality. Bodies change, people change, and sometimes our brains just… notice things without it having to mean we’ve figured out some deep truth about ourselves.
The fact that you’re describing it as “not sexual or lustful” but more just… noticing and being confused by your own reaction? That could be a lot of different things. Sexuality is way more fluid than most people realize, and our brains have this desperate need to categorize and label everything immediately. But rushing to slap a label on what you’re feeling might actually make things more confusing, not less.
You don’t have to figure this out right now. You don’t have to decide if you’re straight, gay, bi, or anything else. Sometimes feelings just exist without needing to be sorted into neat categories. The pressure to define yourself quickly can actually mess with your ability to just… experience what you’re experiencing without judgment.
The most important thing is that pulling away from your best friend because you’re scared of your own thoughts would probably hurt both of you. He’s still the same person you care about like a brother. These feelings you’re having don’t have to change that relationship or force you into some identity crisis.
Maybe instead of trying to figure out what this means about you, you can just let it be what it is – some confusing feelings that don’t require immediate classification or action.
You’re probably straight. It’s not gay to notice these changes. Straight men do notice changes like these, especially gym goers. If you have a girlfriend and are attracted to her, then I think that explains enough. You can tell another man is attractive while being completely straight. The thing is if you want to pursue a relationship with a man, which I think is not your case.
To me, it sounds like you are convinced you are gay 100 percent. Although you’re saying you’re not. I don’t know why noticing changes in your best friend would lead you to believe your gay? For me its really easy to tell lmao show me a woman i get turned on immediately. Do you feel that way about guys? If so id say yes you’re probably gay lol.
I do not understand why you noticing that he has become more feminine makes you think you might be gay. I agree with the other comment. I think you should just give yourself time. One day it will likely click why this has become stuck in your head. I doubt that it means that you’re gay or bi.
You’re ok, your thoughts are your own, you might be bi you might be straight the only thing that matters is to be true to yourself.
Try talking to your friend, just be honest he’s your best friend if there’s anyone you can confide in its him, there’s nothing wrong with talking about it.
Also you don’t have to be sexually attracted to notice that some one’s handsome either, girls tell each other they’re pretty all the time. Boys need to hear it more.
Normalize telling your same sex friends they look good.
It might be some feelings that could be misinterpreted or you might feel more. I would take it easy and just chill. Now if you notice more things about them and you feel more smitten then you might be. What I’m saying. Don’t worry about labels and let things be.