Okay. I hope he doesn’t see this, I dont think hes on reddit very often. My fiance likes to “play”, as in nag me, playfully tackle me when I tell him no. Well lately I cant tell if its “ok” behavior because hes joking. He took off his belt and was laughing playfully while pretending to threaten to hit me with it because I wouldn’t do what he wants (im his servant basically, but he play attacks and throws a tantrum when I wont do something). He’ll playfully choke me for half a second but sexually I like it so idk if I should count that. If im in actual pain he seems concerned (if I hit my head on something or fall down or whatever) but at the same time he slapped me with his slipper (Hispanic, iykyk) but idk if its truly concerning or not because he apologized when I said it actually hurt. I’m just not sure why he uses “authority” and pretend abuse to play?? I really don’t know if its just a game or if I’m catching onto something early. Someone please help me understand if im freaking out for no reason.
for context: he is verbally mean in the same way, jokes about my looks and insecurities so I dont like to show much of my physical body
(“your teeth match your face” I have overcrowded crooked teeth with a slight overbite that’s stained yellow from coffee)
(“slaps my butt too hard even though i tell him its too hard every single time”)
(“my hair is a dark blonde/light brown so he calls my underarm hair ‘shit stains’ so im embarrassed to show my arms”)
(“I got a haircut recently and he keeps joking that i look like a dyke. Im transgender male so i wonder if he uses female based terms to hurt my feelings”)
and etc.
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Sooo no, this is not playing, this is abusive behaviour 100%
Please leave this guy. He is abusing you.
You should leave. You’re being abused.
There’s no such thing as safe choking. There just isn’t. Ignore the idiots who think that’s kink-shaming, studies show that even if you don’t immediately feel off, there can still be brain damage.
You can’t trust a loving partner won’t accidentally hurt you, let alone a nutjob who thinks it’s funny to threaten bodily harm in the “lighten up, I’m just joking… or am I?” kind of way.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jul/07/no-safe-way-risks-of-choking-during-sex?CMP=fb_gu&utm_medium=Social_img&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1751886493
You don’t measure abuse by how you react. You measure it by the other person’s behavior.
If this was happening to your mom or sister or close friend would you think it’s ok?