In two days I’m leaving for a mental health hospital for at least a month. My mental health has never been the best (I’m an anxious person, prone to depression, with abandonment issues and the lowest self-esteem ever), but even so I was a happy, sane, healthy person 14 months ago after years of therapy. Loved my home, didn’t dislike my job, was dating the perfect man and dreaming of a future together and I just wished for more friends.
But last year I had an accident, had to leave work (haven’t returned yet), moved with my mother after that accident, was diagnosed with cancer two months after, had three very complicated surgeries between the accident and cancer, I’m living with chronic pain, and 15 days ago my partner left me after two years together. He left me 8 days after leaving the hospital after my last surgery. I can’t continue, I’m literally so broken.
I’ve never had great luck, I had a shitty childhood, spent my 20s in and out hospitals trying to recover from an eating disorder (and I did it! I thought things would be easier after all that suffering),… and now this. I’m fucking angry with the world. Some people have it easier, and it’s not fucking fair.
I’m just venting, sorry. I’m 37 years old and all I wanted in life was a partner and a kid. A family I didn’t have. Good friends. A community. I don’t know. I don’t understand why life is so unfair, and people who are terrible to others or just plain mean have happy lives.
In any case, I hope someone can relate to this if their 30s are pure hell. I’m scared, I’m downloading books to distract myself there and if you have some recommendation about life/books/mental health/breakdowns/breakups/making new friends when you’re a basket case I’ll be all ears.
I also want to thank this sub because I spent all my convalescence here trying to distract myself. You all made me feel less alone. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to be nice and compassionate to literal strangers in this sub. You all rock. Hugs.
(English isn’t my mother tongue, so if this doesn’t make sense it’s a mix of my broken English and my anxiety lol).
Comments
My 30s have been a rollercoaster and I was inpatient last year. In two months I had a wedding, a suicide attempt, a divorce. In 6 months I lost my home, farm and business. I’m still angry at people who don’t go through divorce or have mental illness. I’m sorry your partner left you in such a cowardly way in top of it all.
Vent away. I hope your inpatient stay gets you the healing you need. Cancer is a bitch and never fair.
You got this, OP. I’m rooting for you. 🫶
Hang in there, you’ll be a different person after a month! Nothing is wrong with you, you just have to learn how to cope with some emotions, we all need help. I’m sorry your partner did not stick through the rough times, appreciate your mom, it’s a blessing! And to give you a light push to the positive outlook: you have people around you that care about you, focus on them, enjoy them, they’ll help you see the beauty that surrounds you.
I myself cannot recognize the huge bumps in life I’ve crossed and survived, but those for sure made me now stronger and more appreciative of the things I have.
All the best in your treatment, it is never fair.
I’ll approach this in a different way from the other comments, just to play devil’s advocate.
Why do you want a family? So many of us have been groomed to believe that is what will make us happy, but studies show that single, childfree women are much happier than married women or women with children—and all the metrics support these studies.
I just wonder if you’re so focused on wanting something you’ve never deeply questioned to determine if that’s what’s holding you back.
I’m 37 as well, and am hating my life. I am angry of the unfairness of it all. Just like yourself, I had a rough childhood, and as an adult I decided to put some boundaries in place, and am no longer in speaking terms with my family. I have a job that pays the bills and nothing much after that. I rent. If I were to loose my job, get sick or injured, I am 100% on my own. It’s a scary but a very real possibility and I try not ruminate on that. I’m happy that you’re having this opportunity to get better and heal, and have your mom for support.
I’m single and child free as well, and while I would love a partner through all this bs, I need to accept that this is my current reality but also things can change any minute. You might feel really crappy right now and hurt with what your former partner did, but I promise that you won’t always feel this way. Life has its ups and downs, and lately it’s felt like it’s been only down, but you’re still here, you’re a survivor, and have an opportunity to create the life that you want in the future. I think you’re also stronger than you think you are- I truly admire all of those patients that go through cancer and survive. It’s so much more than treatment and diagnosis- it’s a whole life change.
Chin up OP, you got this!
you got this!
i’ve been in/on psych hospital grounds since December 30. i was inpatient for 3 weeks then discharged down to something called a “crisis house”, ive been here at the house since January 22. the week after i arrived i started attending the day hospital, which was about 8 hours of intensive classes and group therapy for 5 days a week.
i’ve met some of the most beautiful and amazing humans during these months. between staff, other patients, classmates, housemates. some of them have even become and stayed my friends even as they’ve discharged and i’m the last one of us here.
i rediscovered my love for reading and coloring. i’ve learned some new stuff about myself. i’ve learned some new techniques and skills. i’ve applied for benefits and things. they’ve helped me find outpatient providers and support. nurses, psychiatrists, case managers, social workers, mental health specialists.
i definitely didn’t expect or plan to be here so long, but i’m happy i have been.
im finally looking forward to my future for the first time ever. i have experienced genuine happiness for the first time in over a decade, and i know im not masking or faking when i say it. i feel so much better than i did when i checked myself in. and feeling the best ive ever felt in over a decade.
it’s hard work, but no one is gonna do it for us. we have to show up for ourselves and keep showing up every day. we’re gonna have setbacks. it’s not a quick fix.
i can do it, ive been doing it. and i believe in you. you can do it too. make the best of your stay the best you can.
That’s a lot, and you’re still standing. You’re stronger than you know and you still have a lot of runway left to live the life you want. It will be that much easier for you to heal once your mental health is restored. Be kind to yourself and know that folks here are rooting for you, me included. 🙋🏾♀️🫂
Hi. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As someone who has suffered greatly with mental health issues, culminating in a bipolar 2 diagnoses, I can really relate. I’ve had eating disorders, been to rehab, been on a zillion pills, had to stop drinking, alienated friends, and ruined relationships. I understand.
You’re right, none of this is fair. I wouldn’t wish mental health problems on my worst enemy. It’s like starting from the basement when everyone else gets to start on the first floor. Everything is just harder and more complicated.
I am doing really well now. My biggest pieces of advice are the following:
-vent to Chat GPT. I have never felt more validated than I have using AI as a therapist. It’s always there, no time limits, low cost (or free if you use the free version), and actually gives really good advice.
-advocate hard for yourself and your mental health. Research everything. I basically had to diagnose my own bipolar because I was so high functioning, doctors thought I was just anxious and depressed.
If you want to talk, dm me. Btw, weirder things have happened than women our age getting married and having kids.
Oh man that’s a lot <3 Truly a lot. A huge hug to you. I loved the book Wabi sabi – The wisdom in imperfection by Nobuo Suzuki. It’s always so comforting to me.
Holy shit girl, you are a survivor! I can so relate. I am an only child who had a tough time growing up and struggled making friends and has always wanted a family (though I think kids are out of the picture for me personally). I had to go into the hospital for the first time three years ago because I stopped taking my meds suddenly and started behaving very manic (which is a side effect to watch out for and isn’t a late onset of bipolar as I was initially led to believe). I have also mostly overcome an eating disorder within the past few years that I’d had since childhood so I understand how tough that is. I was thinking of checking myself in the past few weeks because I’m finding my thoughts difficult but like… I always have found my thoughts difficult lol. Things are still ok. I will try and think of some book recommendations for you, what kind of books do you like?
One other thing!! I actually found making friends with Redditors really helpful when I got out of the hospital. I kept a few friends I had before that time but mostly had to start over because a lot of my friends had gone their separate ways during COVID as well. I’ve never had an easier time making connections and I’ve got some really great friends now, but it was really tough to stay positive enough to keep people in my life for the first little while!
Hey lady – I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been where you are. In my 30’s in the psych ward and then in various step-down programs. It worked!!!!! And I made a few lifelong friends in there. I am now 2 years sober, on the right meds, have a great job in the mental health field and feel generally good about myself. I swear to you I did not ever think that was a possibility before checking myself in. My advice to you is to get everything you can out of this stay, to treat it like a sort of healing vacation. Listen to the professionals but also advocate for yourself. So much good can come out of this. I promise. You’re brave – most people never take this step. I’m super proud of you. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I always tell myself, what goes up must come down and vice versa. All this bad can’t and won’t last forever. You are making it! You should be so proud of yourself for pushing through all the pain. Don’t give up on you – I believe that things will get better because that’s life’s natural course. Keep your head up, keep trying, keep seeking healing. ❤️🩹 I’m proud of you for prioritizing your mental health.
I’m sorry for what you are going through. If you want a distracting positive emotional read I’d highly recommend “My grand mother sends her regards and apologies”
This post makes me cry, because im 34 and experiencing the same, amd wanting the same from like, family. Im currently in my 4th week of intensive outpatient therapy just hoping this helps relieve he intense hurt I am feeling.
My heart goes out to you, and I while I dont pray, I really hope you feel better once you get out.
Just wanted to tell you how strong you are for taking such a scary but also proactive step to commit to managing your mental health. This little Reddit community of yours is proud of you. My life experience is not the same as yours but it’s not that different either. I just turned 40 and spent most of my 30s and am still working on untangling some complicated health issues on top of PTSD I thought I had processed but came back full force when my health went south. If you’d ever like to have a chat – idk if you will have internet access in the hospital, so perhaps when you get out, feel free to send me a message. Big internet hugs.
Sometimes life’s burdens are too much to carry alone even though modern society often pretends otherwise. By posting here, you have allowed each of us to help you carry a little bit of that burden with you and hold on to a little bit of your hopes and dreams in case there is a time when it gets to dark for you to see them, you can know that they are still in existence being looked after by some internet strangers/community.
“The Two Kinds of Decay” by Sarah Manguso is a memoir that helped me process my complex feelings about becoming chronically ill at a young age among other things. I can send you an epub file of it if you’d like.
I also frequently meditate on John Perry Barlow’s 25 Principles for Adult Life the list is here and lots of other places online. The principles are all pretty straightforward but some of them are hard to master like “tolerate ambiguity” and “become less suspicious of joy” but they are all good things to work towards or explore.
You got this.
While you’re there, consider yoga, maybe some time outside walking, coloring books or painting. I always dealt with seasonal depression but this year was my all time low. I fell in love for the very first time to a narcissist who’s emotional manipulative, my grandma was having surgery for a health issue and I got a concussion the same week that she was in the hospital. That was my mental break. Anxiety consumpted me and I was afraid to leave my apartment, afraid to drive, afraid to go back to work and public spaces. I got on anxiety meds (use them per needed) and I didn’t see a future out and couldn’t remember what happy felt like. The only thing I wasn’t was suicidal but it was a really dark time for me. Fast forward 4 weeks later, I’m doing a lot better. Accepted a new job, my driving anxiety is almost fully gone, my grandma is doing well, my doctor and therapist are saints. My ex is my coworker and I’m leaving that job soon so hopefully that will help with the anxiety I get from talking to him (the only reason I entertained the relationship was because I was looking for another job🫣). He’s a sweetheart in my face but play a lot of mind games behind my back which causes a whole different wave of anxiety. Eventually I’ll move on from this toxic relationship as well. You’re just going through a dark time but I promise there’s a light at the end of the tunnel…even if you can’t see it.
You make all the sense. It’s totally unfair and my (broken, fed up) heart is with you. You are incredibly brave and strong and I wish you didn’t have to be so brave or so strong, that life were “fair” and we could simply do and have the connections and futures we wanted. I’m sorry it’s like this. You’re not alone in this aching. I’m thinking of you, and sending love and hope and faith and resilience.
Hey all – while we do have a new rule requiring a question, I think this post does have a question that may just not be obvious. So please, while encouraging the OP make sure you give the recommendations she asked for. 🙂
>I’m downloading books to distract myself there and if you have some recommendation about life/books/mental health/breakdowns/breakups/making new friends when you’re a basket case I’ll be all ears.
Love you.
At 39, I went in for residential. It was the scariest thing being dropped off 4 hours away by my soon to be ex. All while losing by job(business we owned/ran), house, and marriage. However, it was also the best thing in the world. I am much happier and such a better father now being single and learning the skills I needed to to deal with the losses and my depression/anxiety.
You will only get out of it what you put into it. Also, double-check on electronics since you are downloading books. A lot of times, electronics are not allowed except for a short time at night. You may need to get some physical books. Even then, they might have restrictions on the content of the books. They like to discourage self-help books.
Good Morning Monster by Catherine Gildiner – A therapist reflects on five heroic patients. They each had harrowing tales, and reading this book helped me to see my struggles in a new perspective.
I’m glad you’re getting help. I hope you let yourself rest and find healing.
Hey, I am SO PROUD of you for going and getting the help you need. Even if you know you need it, even if youve been through it before, even if you know what to expect, that’s still a huge thing. And it’s hard. And scary. But you did it, and even if you are tired of being strong, it’s a strong thing to get help. And I’m proud.
I hate self help type books so no recs there, but some fantasy recs in case you’re interested and need a break sometimes to rest (not high fantasy cause that’s crazy, but I enjoyed these books a lot):
Tamora Pierce’s books set in tortall (medieval world with magic and magical beings, strong female characters, intelligent and great male characters, these are in order of the timeline so if you read them in this order you’ll understand characters, and they all come back around, but you can read out of order and it be fine too. Mild romance in all of them i think, no sex scenes I’m pretty sure):
Alanna the first adventure (and the rest of her quartet, Alanna is a girl who wants to be a knight,)
Wild magic and the quartet (this series is my fav because the girl has animal magic, but there is a weird relationship age gap that shouldn’t have been ok when it was written in the 80s and still isn’t, but the books are still great)
First test and that quartet-kel wants to be a lady knight like Alanna now that it’s legal to be a lady knight
Terrier-becca Cooper trilogy, these are longer than all the others, set way way before the Alanna books. Becca is essentially a policewoman. They’re really good. Tamoras books always give me comfort. I read them as a kid, probably a little too young, and they were a wonderful escape world.
Gail Carriger: Victorian steampunk supernatural (werewolves and vampires for the most part, and how they affected London society), romance and stupid men at times, strong and funny women, queer side characters (and main ones later)
The finishing school series (this one is aimed at YA readers whereas the rest are adults, still has a romance in it eventually, lots of flirting too, the girls are at a finishing school to be lady assassins, the finishing school is a floating dirigible. Spunky main character)
Soulless and that series-next chronologically, Alexia is a soulless so she can cancel out vampire and werewolf abilities by touching them. Scienc-y stuff, marriage, mild sex scenes a baby that shouldn’t be possible, men being stupid, a woman inventor who dresses like a man and is absolutely queer, children who blow things up, deadly ladybugs, hedgehogs
Prudence – Alexia’s grown up child and her adventures on her own dirigible. Mild sex scenes, adventure, queer characters, characters realizing they’re queer, were-animals discovered, floating balloons, ghosts, good fun.
The sumage solution-modern times in the same world but also San Francisco, queer/gay main characters, werewolf pack with a merman alpha mate, graphic sex scenes, each book is a different character from the pack. Really good.
Gails books always make me laugh and feel warm and fuzzy and have lots of absurdity.
Last book recommendation:
Magyck by Angie Sage and the following six or seven books.
I was super impressed by these. They’re incredible. They’re YA but they don’t scream it at all. They’re detailed, but not exhausting to read (I like Brandon sandersons stories but my God the world building is ridiculous). Details from prior books that seemed insignificant come back later down the line and they become significant. There’s a dragon. Evil magic. Time travelling sort of. A weird army. A dragon boat. Magic. Alchemy. Wizards and witches (but it’s not a gendered term). Ghosts, the good and bad kind. A kid is born and then it’s pretended they’re dead, while the child is hidden away to be raised elsewhere. Regicide and dark magic.
Really, they’re on my list to buy, they are just that good. And they’re hefty to read, so it takes awhile which is nice cause I like to stay on a book.
Having the strength to acknowledge you need help and then seeking it out on your own is more strength than most people can even muster if they were put in your situation.
OP I’m here with some empathy 💕
…. I’m in my 50’s and in the last year I’ve also had some AWFUL luck …. Broke a foot, my neck, my pelvis …. I’ve had multiple corrective surgeries and 14 months and I still cannot walk with a walker. Finally went on a vacation to start ‘25 with a “fresh start” .. and the day before we were to come home ? My Mom died (we’d taken my parents with us on vacation) crashed my BRAND NEW car 2 weeks ago (a big thing flew off a tractor trailer and destroyed my front end)
Some days it like “it never ends !!!l
I.HAVE.BEEN.MISERABLE. Feeling like I can’t outrun this crap.
I’m self employed (with my H) I’ve been wfh since last Jan – I’m alone MOST of the time …… even my dogs go to work everyday because I can’t keep them home because I can’t walk them on my own.
Some of the best advice I got (when I was temporarily paralyzed) is to ONLY focus on what you CAN do – some days that’s just taking a shower and answering the phone. Other days I can force myself to be more productive. It’s good to have an idea of 2-3 things that you decide you WILL do – “no matter what”, every day. You do this FOR yourself – it’s a small way to have some control over your own life.
I loathe relying on others and hate asking for things that I could typically do for myself. So, this is part of how I motivate myself to stick to my 2-3 things a day plan.
You may find some value in:
James Clear – ATOMIC HABITS
Also the weekly free newsletter is a handy tool to keep you thinking productively and positively.
Using the terms “fair” and “Deserved” and “why me” really only apply in certain specific situations ….. they NEVER seem to make the situation better…. Only worse.
I also started to use a paper wall calendar – the idea is that I can write things on there and see them all at once …. I record “things done” (so I can remind myself that I’m making some progress) and can also look forward to “hair appt” on the 23rd or “white lotus, season finale”
Most of us keep things like this on our phones – but you have to go looking for it
To see it — hanging on the wall is an “easier” reminder that you ARE making headway and you DO have good things and wonderful people who love you ….. and plans to keep.
I commend you for getting help !!! It’s a very good sign that you’re in tune with how you’re feeling and being proactive in getting yourself some help is amazing.
You got this, sister ….. I’m rooting for you !!
GOODVIBES
Missing Pictures by Angela Hoke could be right up your alley. Its from the POV of a woman who meets two other women in a mental health facility. They become each others support systems as they try to heal.
The Frankie Elkin series as well, the MC is a woman in recovery who has dedicated her life to finding missing persons.
Donna Has Left the Building by Susan Jane Gilman, a woman arrives home early from a work conference and finds that her husband (and father of their two teens) has spending their money on a dominatrix. She’s encouraged to join in on the kink but decides fuck that and goes on a roadtrip to revisit people from her past and rediscover her spark in life again.
T. Kingfishers protagonists aren’t often given an age and are women who have flaws which need to be overcome.
Grady Hendrix We Sold Our Souls has a female protagonist. A woman who once fronted a metal band, now works at a hotel and finally decides to go back through her memories and force herself to confront what happeed the night her band broke up forever. I give Hendrix a lot of credit for not belonging on r/menwritingwomen
Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh made me laugh and sob.
I love books with “imperfect” female leads, I’ll try to add as I can think of some.
> Good friends. A community. I don’t know. I don’t understand why life is so unfair, and people who are terrible to others or just plain mean have happy lives.
If you’re just looking for good book, Darcy Coates Black Winter series is amazing. It kept me gripped and it’s a rare post apocalyptic horror with a female main character that has no mention of sexual assault whatsoever. One thing I love about Darcy is that many of her books have characters who are well-meaning people.
If you have access to Amazon Prime Fleabag is worthwhile. It’s hard to say why I love it so much without spoiling everything.
If you can access youtube. Soft White Underbelly has some interviews with truly amazing people. Truly terrible people and people who have been victims of terrible people as well, so be cautious in which you’d choose. A man set up a camera on skid row to interview “people who are frequently invisible in society—the unhoused, the sex worker, the chronic drug user, the runaway, the gang member, the poor and the sick”. I like his interview style in that he asks minimal questions and gives people their space to say what they wish to say. Some people have faked things and were called out as scammers. Some people go to him in psychosis, but he’s respectful and lets them say what they wish to say without being patronizing.
Patricks entire saga has to be seen to be believed.
Some of my top choices just happen to be nurses. Clarisse the psychiatric nurse is one of my favorites, as is Rachel the nurse, the third and final nurse I’d recommend is Anthony Brown a former drug addict who became a nurse practitioner. I should warn you there’s an interview with a forensic nurse called Shawn. She describes some terrible things she’s seen, but watching it gives me a feeling of hope like I’m seeing an example of someone who is a good person. I wish everyone had a Shawn in their lives and if her patients have to go through what they do I’m glad they have her. That said, I’m not even linking it because the content can be so heavy.
Another youtube channel I like is “Laura – foster parent partner”. She has some examples of ways foster parents can help their foster children feel comfortable in their homes. I don’t know if I’ll ever have it in me to foster a child, but it heals my inner child to watch some of her shorts and hear an example of an adult speaking kindly.
As another person whose 30s are complete shit I’m sending you love and solidarity that you aren’t alone.
Try somatic exercises for anger (free on YouTube). And books about trauma therapy. But more importantly, the exercises.
Your body will always remember, and it has felt broken since childhood, not just in adulthood -when the mind is anxious, so does the body.
Ugh. I relate ♥️ Living with chronic pain can be incredibly challenging and isolating.
I just listened to The Body is a Doorway by Sophie Strand – really helped me feel seen, known, connected and understood. I recommend anything by Peter Levine to help dealing with trauma-related symptoms. And Bessel van der Kolk’s ‘The Body Keeps the Score’.
Listening to ‘For Thy Great Pain Have Mercy on My Little Pain’ helped me find some forgiveness and healing for my suffering/ crying.
I’m wishing you well. Things can and will get better ♥️
I also feel a lot of anger at the world these days, although for different reasons. One thing that helps me when I’m down mentally is to think of the good things I still have in my life. I’m a grateful person so it helps me. From your post the list I could write if I were you would be:
Here are some songs that give me a push up, especially if I dance along (karaoke also helps me, I think singing relieves stress):
Slower songs:
A movie that makes me feel better is an anime, the Trolls (there are 3 of them, I love their soundtrack).
To breathe deeply also helps me a lot.
You have lost a lot but you still have some very precious gifts in your life. Wish you the best ☀️🙏
OP, you’ll make it to the other side. Really, you will. Try reading ‘Life is what you make it’ by Preeti Shenoy. It is a slim novel and it got me through a period of blinding darkness. I’m rooting for you.
Hang in there, just take everything day by day friend. I was in inpatient and did IOP twice last year, you’re not alone!
As far as book recommendations go, I enjoyed the “7 laws of positive thinking” by Brian Cagneey (I listened on audiobook) and mostly from my own experiences from IOP, what helped me most was learning DBT skills and radical acceptance.
There are many beautiful things to enjoy and look forward to for your life- just focus on getting better and YOU GOT THIS!
Sending you love + rooting for you! 🖤🖤
You got this love. I feel you, I really do. I’m so sorry for all this. I feel like a lot of us don’t have the lives and things we’ve worked so hard for.
Take a break, good on you for going to your mum, and for going into treatment. It sounds like you’ve been fighting hard and for a long time. Use the support around you to rest and recover. You’ve got this. ❤️
I stayed at an inpatient psych floor about 3 or 4 years ago when I was 31. All my childhood trauma basically came to the surface, and I guess dormant mental illness from genetics that I had some how avoided during my 20s finally reared its ugly head.
I stayed there for about 3-4 weeks. My main issue was that I could not fall asleep. I had been up for days and days. Having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Was the lowest I’d ever been.
Being there did help stabilize me. I was lucky to be on an all women’s floor and I met some friends actually, surprisingly.
Flash forward to now, years later, I’m worried I will be admitted again. I’m 33 weeks pregnant and mentally it has done me so wrong 🙁 So many of my mental illnesses have returned again. It’s been so hard.
Idk I just wanted to say I understand. Plenty of people need to be hospitalized for a period of time
Sending you so much love OP. Rooting for you 🤍✨
You sound like a very cool person who is taking charge of her life and you will benefit from this greatly. You are brave, strong and smart(I know you are bc I can’t believe English is not your native tongue, you write so well). I admire you and your time will come to shine. One day you will look back and appreciate where you are now and how far you have come. Internet stranger is praying for you.
Karma takes her sweet time, but eventually she will reveal herself to you, You are LOVELY.
I am so sorry. But I am happy you have access to this kind of healthcare/mental health support :).
I am not practicing meditation now, but about ten years ago I went on a Vipassana meditation retreat. The first one is always ten full days (so it’s about 12 days away from home). You can probably download some of the audio materials for this and you can also get books/printed materials. It might be worth looking into either doing this once you are out of the facility and/or taking audio and printed materials with you to the facility so you can already inform yourself and try out some of the practices.
This is AI/from Google: “Vipassana meditation, meaning “to see things as they really are,” is a mindfulness technique from ancient India that involves observing thoughts and emotions without judgment, aiming for self-transformation and mental clarity.”
Wishing you all the strength!
Please take care of yourself and have some self compassion. You have been through a lot. You’re a survivor!
This post resonates with me so deeply and I completely understand how you feel, I deal with these feelings on a daily basis. On my worst days, I fall asleep listening to this audiobook and it brings me a little peace. I must have listened to it hundreds of times over the last year. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach
know this is a safe space and we’re here
I’m 38 and my life is so out of my control I go to bed crying every day. I’m also sick of how unfair everything is too—why are horrible people able to have children, for example?
I don’t want to rant, but I want to send you my support and love. I was once in a mental health institution and it was helpful. I hope it helps you too.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab is the best self help book I’ve ever read. Not sure if boundaries are something you need help with but I feel it can be helpful to anyone! You are so brave for getting yourself the help you need OP. Best wishes to you!
Praying for you OP. Don’t give up.
Book Recommendations:
Under The Whispering Door by TJ Klune.
The Girl With Stars In Her Eyes by Xio Axelrod.
If you like scary, this gave me nightmares for a while:
Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky
I wish you all the best, OP!
I feel you; I’m also a chronic pain disabled queer with crippling anxiety first and foremost, forever since I can remember, but also depressed due to my personal suffering and, honestly, that of the world around me.
You’re taking a great step. It will help — I’m not saying this because I hold out hope, but because I had two of my female friends voluntarily commit themselves as inpatients, and both were so much better after.
We hope to see you back on Reddit soon. Much love! 💕
Life has been really hard for me too- you’re not alone! It’s hard to see my closest friends living extremely full, fun, happy lives with little stress. They’re almost 40 and have almost never had to struggle in life. I did everything “right” but my circumstances still led me down a hard path in life.
I hope your time in the hospital will be healing for you. Honestly? It sounds like a nice break! I’m really sorry you’ve had to struggle so much, but it sounds like you’re a fighter and despite the hardships, you still keep doing your damn best, you keep trying, and you don’t give up!! You’re really brave 🙂
My aunt is similar and just left the hospital after a four month stay for mental health issues and health issues complicated by her mental health. She’s feeling great and on the mend! You can do this and I’m proud of you for seeking the help you need.
It may not exactly fit, but {An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison} is a really powerful description of what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder (though she hates that term) and it’s inspirational because she winds up in a much better place at the end — she’s a professor of psychology.
I’m so sorry for all you’re going through 🙁 you deserve so much love and happiness. This book is not exactly the topics you mentioned. More in the spiritual/reincarnation vibe, but Journey of Souls by Michael Newton literally anchored me in the worst years of my mental health crisis. Gave me a different way to look at life and a deeper meaner to apply to my day to day life. It’s not for everyone, but I always suggest because you never know who may resonate with it like it did. I wish you peace.