I’m 32 and have been in a rut the past year or two… most of my friends have moved out of NYC with their significant others and I’m still here. But taking that side, I wonder what part of my life I’m really truly happy with… I don’t know that I love Manhattan, but it’s where most jobs in my industry are based. Then I think, I don’t know that I like my industry – but I’m single and can’t afford to leave my job. But then I think – on paper I make okay money, but I’m not saving that much and my whole life is just work/sleep/repeat.
Curious if anyone has been here and whether you made a change that you’re either glad you made or regret.
Truthfully, I’m extremely depressed and feel very alone. I have people who love me, but generally I’m just so lonely. I was always a happy and optimistic person my whole life, but lately I’m just feeling so disappointed in myself for not creating a life I love.
I’m so scared to make a change, to go far from my family, or even make a decision on what that change would be.
Don’t you ever wish you could just take a break from your life and see if you miss it/what you miss?
Anyways; just wanted to get some intel.
Comments
I’ve got a couple of years on you and this was where I was at 32, more or less. I left a job that was causing me burnout and to feel like I lived to work — that was a good change, even though I swapped that extra-high intensity job for something moderate-to-high intensity (life is a journey! Another change may be in order!). But so far that’s been a very positive change. I haven’t looked back at all. Less money for more life was a good trade since I have time to enjoy things. I also save some of the lost money since I have more time to do things like cook.
In addition to that, I found myself crying to my therapist a lot about being single. I was tired of feeling dumb at weddings and celebrating everyone else. I loved my coupled friends — so much — but they were always way more busy than me because they had their partners’ schedules and obligations to account for. My therapist made a very simple observation about this: you need to get out and make more single friends.
I did. Went to events alone — a lot of them. Followed up to actually hang out with single girl friends of friends in my city I met at parties and weddings. Years later, I consider those people some of my closest friends. We’ve gotten in and out of relationships but I can’t express how much peace and acceptance and happiness it’s brought me to have new close friends in the same stage of life as me generally. My old coupled friends are still my friends, but my frustration and sadness about being single is way less. I have a community now. I feel more seen, supported, less judged, less lonely (they are down and free to make more plans!). The beauty of NY as a single 30 something is you are far from alone. Don’t fall into the trap of believing you are.
Sending a big hug to you.
Do it now, while you’re single, and while you’re young! No one knows how much time you have left but time is going to fly by. Five years from now you could be happy you made the leap and succeeded, happy you made the leap because it opened the door for a completely new opportunity, or exactly where you are at now.
Also go out and meet new people! Join meetup, a pickleball club, a knitting club, a coffee club, anything. Meeting new people can also expose you to new opportunities.
You’re so lucky! You’re so young, you live in New York! Anything can happen! You can literally pick any direction and make ANYTHING happen!
That’s what I did. I just decided to be a different person one day and started making steps in that direction. It takes years, but the journey was great too.
Only you know what you love. If you don’t know, look at what other people love and try those things on until something fits. Follow the path.
I made the change at 32. Left my old, small town and safe, great job to move to a big city. I was just tired of life being the same and I was so bored in that small town. It’s the best thing I ever did. My life is now completely different. There were set backs on the way, yes and it did take me 1 year to find a job I like (I found another job here quickly when I first got here but it was horrible). I met new friends, been on so many adventures and so many great dates now!
Don’t think too much. You’ll be fine. Ask your future 90 year old self if you would regret you didn’t make any changes?