For some background, my BIL is the golden child and my husband is the scapegoat. We’ve had issues in the past which resulted us going very low contact last year.
Both my in laws and BIL & SIL have consistently copied pretty much everything we do for the last 1-2 years.
We’ll start with my in laws. My MIL (who is the main problem) started to dress like me, style her hair the same way, even started going to the same hair stylist I go to. She completely took over my husbands lifelong hobby, to the point where my husband has been completely pushed out and doesn’t even want to do it anymore. She buys the exact same things for HERSELF that we buy our kids. I’m not talking about adult things. I mean like Montessori toys and a BOUNCE HOUSE?! What 60+ year old woman with osteoporosis needs a bounce house??
My FIL mostly copies my husband. It’s also more subtle. Buying a motorcycle my husband likes when my husband’s wanted one for years (FIL already has one and doesn’t even have a license). Talks about buying my husbands absolute dream car when my FIL has never mentioned wanting a car like that. He even asked for the link to where we stayed on our last vacation so he couple book THE SAME ROOM!
My BIL & SIL…… they very openly don’t like us. My SIL has told people she doesn’t like us and we live in a small town so it gets back to us easily enough. However, they copy everything for our kids. When they come over for a birthday party or a baby shower and see what toys we have…. It magically shows up to their house within the next few weeks. To the point where they have every single toy/baby item we have. They’re not generic toys either. We’re pretty minimalist so I go out of my way to research the best Montessori toys for development. They also completely redid their backyard to match ours. They post the same posed pictures with the same captions that DH and I did YEARS ago. And the kicker….. they named their kids eerily similar to our kids names. I mean 1-2 letters off. One of the names they picked they knew was our top name before we had kids at all.
It seems like this is all just petty and not a big deal, but it’s honestly really annoying. If we had a good relationship I wouldn’t care at all and I’d be flattered. But how can you claim to hate us while also trying to be exactly like us? I’m not sure if it’s blatant insecurity or they’re trying to hold on to the last bit of connection and control over my husband but it’s gotten creepy. Has anyone experienced this before?
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Low contact and a strict info diet will probably give you more peace of mind. Or if you’re feeling petty, feed them mis-information about what you’re doing and buying as a family and then sit back and watch.
Yeah, that is super creepy and really annoying.
I think they have deep-rooted insecurities to be copying you to this extent. It’s very ‘keeping up with the Joneses ‘ – or one up in the case of FIL.
Stop giving them details of your life – or turn it into a game by dropping ridiculous purchase suggestions into conversations. Want to get a climbing frame? Look up something you would never buy, talk about it a few times, wait for them to buy it then quietly buy the one you really want. If questioned, tell them it was going to be too expensive to have it shipped and installed. Or didn’t match the swing set you already have, you get the idea.
Start telling them that you stayed at X hotel when you really stayed at Hotel Y on vacation. That it was at the expensive all inclusive resort down the coast. That you had a villa instead of a suite etc. more fool them for not doing their own research or using their own imagination.
One of my brothers used to copy me, to the extent that when he moved to the city I lived in, permanently, he lived in the same area of town as me – and my parents would drive up to his place but make excuses not to come to mine. I ended up moving to a different city and thankfully he stayed put. But I never forgave him.
I’m a red button pusher and this would be an entertaining gift to me. I’d post fake crap all the time. Tell them fake plans and life-long wants only to say ew when they showed up with it. I’m a troll to those who are disingenuous.
I have a family member exactly like this therefore they are on an info diet. It can be fun to tell them little white lies about your dream toys. “I have saving money to buy a cyber truck”, when in reality is the last won earth I would buy.
How annoying.
(My in-laws are toppers, not copiers. A BIL bragged about having 2 boats, which good for you, but also, big whoopie do. Thank you god, we are NC so we don’t have to listen to his man toy Ted Talk.)
Would it be possible to let it be known how hilarious you think it is that these in-laws copy you, throw a little shade on the lack of original thinking? Original & authentic people don’t have to copy anyone, it’s enough to be.
I believe this is common in codependent and enmeshed families. They don’t know how to have authentic connection bc to the only way they know connection is full enmeshment and codependency. I’m assuming based on the GC/SG language that you have noticed some of those behavior patterns within the IL family unit?
If that’s not the case, they might just be more “keeping up with the Jones” types. Or it could be both? Porque no los dos?
I would get a totally outrageous outfit, go to a BDSM CLUB, share pictures with them, stage a bar fight, and take gourmet cooking classes. Doing really odd or out of character things for you might dissuade this behavior. If your hubs gets a new bike or dream car, get it in the color that FIL would absolutely hate. Get petty
Geez that must be annoying! I remember before my STBXH and I got married, my BILs loved when I baked for the holidays. I’m talking baked from scratch southern delicacies that would surely make you lose your mind and slap your mama! Well, my SIL hated that her husband loved my food and would make requests. So, she got petty. I’d bring my delicious family recipe Mac n cheese to the function, and she’d make sure replaced mine with hers. My in laws could tell the difference and would go looking for mine. Same thing with desserts. She tried replacing my homemade cheesecake with one she made from a box. No shade to those who bake from a box as I will do so on occasion. But, the in-laws caught on and began guarding the food. The look on her face was…priceless!
Anyhoo, I said all that to say keep doing you boo! Oscar Wilde said “imitation is the greatest form of flattery mediocrity can pay to greatness”. Let them continue to be cheap imitations of you. They don’t have their own identities and it’s sad. Yes, it’s annoying. But they ultimately hate you because they ain’t you. ❤️
Is this the twilight zone? Because I’m creeped out.
I was gonna say it wouldn’t be annoying or weird if they were close to you (specifically the toys and hairdresser type stuff)
While this is so frustrating for you, you could have some fun with it. Leave brochures around for really silly things and circle expensive rubbish. Holiday brochures for places you have no intention of going. Leave open a cookbook at a really complicated recipe that has many, many expensive and exotic ingredients. Clothes you would never dream of wearing. Make a secret bingo card so see how many of the baits they take. Good luck.
How about dying your hair a fun color or getting real looking color extensions put in and then when they dye their hair, show up next day with extensions removed?
Def grey rock and take a break from engaging with them.
Time to get a wig – a really terrible one – unnatural colors – something a drag queen would not deign to wear. Also time for some fake facial piercings. Go wild! This is your chance!
Also use AI to remake your backyard – full bouncy castle/trampoline yard.
Also time to fake wanting some terrible things – cybertruck, backyard clydesdale, bear cub.
And start posting about your new ridiculous hobbies – BASE jumping, nudist camping, etc.