So I’m struggling with trying not to hate my in-laws, more specifically my MIL. She talked for years about wanting grandkids and how she would love to babysit if I had to work. Well now we have an almost two year old and are pregnant again, and she is nearly a stranger. I started having hateful feelings towards her when I got pregnant the first time, and I wanted to blame it on my hormones, but im realizing it wasn’t that, I just started to see her true colors. Want to add I LOVE being a mom and I want more kids, I don’t expect anyone else to raise my children, and even though its hard alone, we are doing it and enjoy most days. This is just a rant to say I’m heart broken over what I thought the grand parent relationship would be like.
we are close to being behind on bills, cant afford day care, so my husband and I work alternate schedules. I’ m spending all our extra money on baby essentials and groceries. But she goes off buying her other daughter a new car, sending them checks, she has 5 kids and lives out of state (in a GREAT area with a big house) and we are like ??? We like to keep our finances private and don’t like asking for help unless absolutely necessary so maybe she thinks we’re fine.
-baby #1 was born, she never comes to visit and seems to prioritize her social life over seeing her grandchild. (They live less than 20 minutes from us). SHE NEVER ASKS FOR PICTURES.
-Even though she said prior to baby #1 being born that she would love to babysit all the time, she NEVER does. We ask sometimes to go on dates or for her to babysit so I can pick up some extra work shifts and she is nearly always unavailable. She is always out with friends, it’s like she loves her friends more than her grandkids (My mom NEVER visists either)
-recently we invited in laws over for dinner, Husband and FIL were working on something in the garage, I was cooking while watching the baby because MIL was literally just sitting on the couch scrolling tik tok. Not talking to me, not offering to help me watch the baby. All while they had been out of town for 10 days / hadn’t seen the baby in over 3 weeks but she couldn’t be bothered to interact.
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She’s given you every indication in the past two years that she is not all that interested in being a close and involved in your lives. She has her own social life and interests and you aren’t her focus. Maybe she always knew that would be the case or maybe she only realized it after the baby arrive and she never found herself emotionally invested, it really doesn’t matter so much why.
Since you’re asking for advice, you ought to lower your expectations and stop letting her live rent free in your head. I understand being disappointed but at this point it’s been years with no change so your job is to manage your feelings and your family without her involvement.