I (33F) work in the same industry as him (39M) and I always had a crush. In the last month we’ve had a lot of work dinners with others from work industry and crush further developed. Someone asked if him and I were ever gonna have kids and joked “not together, unless you want,” implying they notice our chemistry. When she asked him if he is in a relationship, he said “ya sort of.” That confused me and I assumed he is dating casually. Anyway, the next day, that person and my crush ask me to start a business together. Incredible opportunity. I contemplate seriously for two weeks and know it aligns with my professional goals. I also make sure I do not join from a place of wanting to be with him. I say yes. I also find out from that same mutual that she learned he does have a gf who lives with him. Him and I spend a lot of time together working on the business. The working relationship is exhilarating, we are so attuned to one another. It’s always been my dream to have a relationship with my business partner. I have never felt this way before in my life, like I know he is my soulmate. He never once brings up his gf. I know I’m not crazy that I feel the attraction is mutual, but that it’s not conscious for him. I don’t want to do something wrong or hurt the gf and I’m trying really hard to suppress my feelings. I don’t want this to jeopardize the business. I need advice. What does he feel for me? How do I move on?
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So he is obsessed with you and madly in love with you… He just doesn’t know it… Consciously?
Other than your own projection, what makes you think this is true?
You need to get over this crush. You are delusional if you think he is in love with you but just doesn’t know it yet. Don’t be an attempted home wrecker and a business ruiner simultaneously.
Also people don’t typically fall in love with their business partners. They become business partners with the person they are already in a relationship with.
Start opening your mind to other people if you want a relationship. Also, he probably knows you’re into him but doesn’t reciprocate and values and respects you as a peer.
I think that this whole business thing is a moral minefield. I think running after someone who has a GF is something that could cause serious harm to both him and her.
I think you have to make a choice between what you want and what harm those actions would bring to someone you love.
Do you really want to be with someone who calls his live in girlfriend “sort of” girlfriend? You realize that if you do “get him”, he’ll talk about you the same way? You’re not looking at the situation rationally, you should not mix romance and business. It’s a recipe for disaster. Start going out, meeting other people, dating. You’re so focused on this guy, you need a different perspective.
Based on the way you described it, he knows that you like him. Maybe he’s flattered and that’s why he won’t bring up his girlfriend. You’re fawning over your business partner at work and it sounds like you are incredibly obvious about it. Even if he hooked up with you, it would be a huge mistake and wouldn’t lead anywhere because this is a fantasy in your head.
Just for your own self-worth and professionalism, you need to grow up. You should be taking your business seriously and setting up boundaries to safeguard that business. That should be your only priority.
Alternate take – You finally make a move and he gives in. You guys fuck at the office. Then he goes home to his girlfriend. This goes on for a while and eventually she finds out and he begs her to stay, says it was a mistake, etc. She leaves him anyway. He keeps messing around with you. Eventually, he meets “the one” and they start dating. You’re heartbroken but you finally realize that if a person wanted to date you then THEY WOULD ALREADY BE DATING YOU. But he’s not dating you. He is dating his girlfriend. So…. Stop.
I think people here are over complicating it. There is an old saying, “Don’t shit where you eat.”
As thrilling and dangerous as it is to play the “will they, won’t they” game, you have to ask yourself what kind of a position you would be in if things went south, as they often do in these situations.
Maybe the answer is “not that bad!” If so, go for it. Otherwise, I would avoid it.
Doesn’t sound like something you should pursue. His response of “sort of” when asked about the girlfriend who literally lives with him is a red flag. It indicates that his romantic life (whether they’re together or not) is complicated. Seems like more trouble than it’s worth.
You’re kidding yourself OP! You’re heading down an unhappy road that is almost certainly going to have detrimental personal AND professional outcomes. If he’s not readily admitting to his presumably serious relationship with someone he LIVES with, what makes you think that he’d make a good partner? In the kindest way possible, you’re not special and won’t garner better treatment as the “other woman”. Guard your heart and career, and move on. Future you will thank you.