My mind was blown today when my Bulgarian friend told me that in Bulgaria, families will have discussions to set up dates and potentially marriages between their children. Of course, they don’t have to marry or even go on the date if they don’t want to, but the parents will go out of their way to set such things up. I knew such practices were common in the Islamic world but I had no idea they were still doing such stuff in historically Christian countries. My mind was blown to hear of this. In what countries is this a thing?
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This still happens to a certain degree in places like Japan.
As for European countries, I’m not sure.
i believe this is not really a standard practice in any parts of Europe. maybe at most families will try to suggest or set up dates for single people, but with no obligation. if it works, it works, if not, not.
Not sure in what part of Bulgaria that happens, or if your friend is of another ethnic origin but I’ve never heard or experienced that. Bulgarian Christians wouldn’t do this. Ethnic Turks on the other hand might have such traditions
Add: or your friend might be Mormon or some other type of religious following which is uncommon
My mother in law was invited to spend holiday at her aunt at the same time her future husband was in town to introduce them as both were still single in their 30s. But that was 50 years ago and there was no pressure and no set up date. It was more about sneaky aunties than families arranging marriage. Today 30 years singles are normal and setting up a date is considered extremely rude. Also, my great-grandmother was talked into marry rich guy without love, but it was more than 80 years ago. I have never heard of recent story.
Albanians still do. Bulgarians, some communities might. In Romania, the Aromanian community does arranged marriage, as does the Roma.
I would say it’s not unheard of even in “standard” populations, but be aware that all it means is that you go on a date. You don’t have to marry someone if you don’t want to. It’s not like islamic countries, arranged marriage is just “let us find you eligible men/women to date”.
It happened to a friend of mine (white, Finnish, culturally Christian), but that’s because she has some batshit crazy family members who think it’s still the 1700s.
Other than that I think in Finland it mostly happens in Muslim families and in very conservative Christian sects.
That happens in poor, rural Bulgarian villages and small towns. Most of the country does not practice this.
We can hardly have them do the dishes and pick up their socks so to have them listen to us getting married nevermind.
This may happen in some muslim or Roma families, but it’s not a regular thing amongst the general population.
Unless you count Turkey, and if I’m not wrong even they don’t, Europeans don’t do this practice anymore. From Portugal to Iceland to Finland to Greece, we don’t have this practice anymore. It died out like a halfsecond century ago among commoners and a half century ago with the remaining nobles and royals.
The parents of one of my ex girlfriends, who were citizens of Greece, were married through arrangement. So this was in the 1960s. My ExGF’s dad was living in Canada at the time. Her mom was flown there to meet and marry him, which took place over a few days. The couple then moved to Detroit, Michigan and had two girls, one of whom is my ex. This marriage had been arranged by the yayas in my ex’s mother’s village.
They’re still alive and married. Two total characters, as are their daughters.
I am not sure if this still happens. I don’t believe it was a forced situation.
The Balkan states are probably the region, I have a friend of mine who come from Kosovo and in the last three years his parents obbligate him to visit six woman for a possible marriage. He also always tells me that when he goes on holiday to Prizren (the city where his family comes from) every time he goes around the shops the various owners keep asking him why at his age he is not yet married and has children (he is 21 years old).
Unless you count some type of minority like the Roma or certain Muslims, this is not a thing here. Unless like someone else said, it’s just some busybody aunties trying to pair up some folks (which can happen anywhere).
Maybe your grandma tells you half seriously that you should date XY’s daughter/grand daughter because they’re so nice. We’d laugh it off, and tell her sure, and never actually do it.
I think it’s common among elderly to joke around with this kinda topic among their friends, but I doubt anyone takes it seriously.
The roma population of eastern Europe do have a more strict views on marriages however, they do occasionally arrange marriages, or at least try to strongly guide their children, but even for them, it’s only the more conservative families.
So by no means is it popular anywhere in Europe…
Edit: at the same time it’s normal that two friends who have their own families & children spend holidays together, where the kids hang out. Maybe they end up dating, but it’s not really arranged, there’s no pressure. Just natural you’d start liking those around you most likely.
I have some friends whose mothers have tried setting them up with someone, but it is rarery if ever successful. I can’t remember a successful attempt, so I guess it was Roma people that do it commonly.
Honestly, I think it’s more common for parents to try and break their kids with people they deem unfit for their baby. Fortunately, my parents never did that, but I do have colleague whose parents deemed her boyfriend unfit just because he was tattooed. Yes, really. They tried all they could to keep them apart, but it backfired and now they are married with a baby and those parents came to their senses because they did not want to lose their daughter and grandchild. Stories like this are more common in my surrounding than arranged weddings.
It is pretty common in Germany. Every year there are warnings before the summer holidays. The girls got married in the holidays in their home countries. As you stated, they are mostly Islamic people.
Turkish mothers used to go hamam to pick up girls for her sons in the past. still they see every single girls future wife to their sons, especially in wedding ceremonies. it’s not as common as before but still parents try to find girls. my mother set me up once blind date but it didn’t work, that’s why i will die single.
Well, this unobtrusive kind, without any expectations or obligations, but with the hopes that it might click, it’s becoming more and more common across Europe after many decades again.
With the wealth gap within society raising, and with more and more people seeing that their kids will not be able to make as much by wage their entire lives, than what can be gained in future inheritance for their offspring from marrying well, these kind of efforts are making a comeback all over Europe.
Its subtle, but there. You don’t have the luxury to marry anyone anymore.
As far as I know the most that’s done here is grandmas or aunties nosily and jokingly discussing with the grandkids different young men or women they know because they’re the grandkids of their friends. Wink wink, knowing smile
That’s all. Maybe in some very conservative circles (Catholic or Muslim) the push from parents is real, but for the large majority of us, there’s no matchmaking by the families.
But there are lots of opinions, always. Lots.