y husband(m/49) and I(f/41) have been together almost 12 yrs. Married 7.
The past two years have been extremely rough. We fight, no sex life, and he annoys the hell out of me.
We are friends. He’s not physically abusive, but he’s just weird. I’ve begged him to go to therapy for almost 10yrs now. He struggles a lot with childhood trauma and abandonment issues.
Last night, was the final straw.
He had an extremely stressful day at work. He came home depressed and started drinking. We were talking at the kitchen table and he asked if we had any plans for the weekend.
I reminded him I had a child (m/12) coming over on Sat to sleep over (it’s my friends son. He passed away in 2021 and son is having a rough time.) His son also recently came out to me as gay.
Immediately after telling him this my husband suggested I ask my nephew (m/21) who is also gay, to come over so they could “hook up.”
I flipped out and reminded him that my nephew is an adult man and child is only 12. He continued to say that he didn’t know their ages, but still tried to justify that the age gap was normal. When I continued to yell and tell him to stop. He proceeded. He then made gestures with his hands(insinuating sex between the boys.)
I told him I was going to call the police. That’s when he stopped and went to bed.
I slept on the couch and he came down at 2am asking what was wrong. I reminded him what he said. He continued to try and justify his words. He did apologize but I don’t even want to look at him. I’m disgusted and I also don’t want my friends son to come over now. WHAT DO I DO??
Am I taking this comment too seriously?
Comments
Your husband literally tried to justify pedo behavior. There is no working through, or fixing that. Even when my husband was deep into alcoholism, he NEVER thought it was appropriate for an adult to be with a minor, only a man who is a pedo at heart tries to justify it.
Oh my god… divorce. Keep your nephew away from him.
Yea, the guy needs therapy. You could say he was drunk and wasn’t aware what he was saying but still something very immature and weird to say even while being drunk.
The fact you came here to tell your story and have even used the phrase “Last night, was the final straw” in your post, listen to your gut and instinct. GET RID OF THIS MAN OUT OF YOUR LIFE
Your husband is eight years older than you and you’re surprised that he would suggest that? So when you were 10, your husband was 18? Do you see the problem here?
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He sounds a bit repressed…
Your husband is disgusting. I honestly wouldn’t have the sleepover. No child should be around your husband. You and your child need to leave asap. Or kick him out.
If he’s unwilling to go to individual therapy, what about couples therapy?
The initial joke was distasteful, assuming he didn’t know the ages. But not immediately admitting the comment was wrong once he knew the ages and continuing to double down to defend himself even hours later is another issue entirely.
It’s okay to make mistakes and land a poorly thought out joke occasionally, but not owning up to his behavior speaks a lot about how you can’t seem to resolve anything else that’s bothering you. He has a blatant disrespect for you, which isn’t acceptable.