I (30F) have been with my partner (36M) for nearly 3 years. When we had first met, I was heavy in my party stage, was living life on the edge and just overall a very carefree careless person.
Soon after we started hanging out, I got pregnant which ended with loss at 27 weeks. Of course I stopped drinking right when I found out and then we ended up with twins a year and a half later.. they are now 9 months old. I have drank TWICE in the last three years, two weekends ago at a festival with a friend and last weekend at a wedding. Not drunk.
I haven’t been able to do my things and feel like I’ve stuffed myself into an empty shell of the person I used to be to please him. His idea of fun and mine are not the same. I sold my four wheeler, my Harley, basically the two things that bring me joy.
Our relationship was good, it was great. But his drinking is never freaking ending. It seems to be the only thing we ever disagree about.. ever and it’s getting to the point where I just don’t say anything.
He used to take several shots and drink several beers and come home drunk (before kids). Now he doesn’t take shots but still goes to the bar for 1-2 hours before picking kids up from daycare. After we go to bed, he sits on the couch and drinks “only 6-7 beers” which isn’t ONLY because they are 16oz cans.
My last straw today was him asking me to pick the kids up from daycare so he could spend more time at the bar since I’m going to a bridal shower tomorrow.
I don’t really know what to do or how to process this, maybe I’m just venting. I already feel as if I’m emotionally checked out and can’t just keep repeating my frustrations over and over again. Yes, his drinking is better. But it’s still daily and I don’t foresee it being less than what it is now.
What do I do? I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with the never ending conversation about how it’s an issue. My father was an alcoholic and I don’t want my kids to be raised in that environment.
I am financially set, I am the breadwinner and could leave tonight, no issue if needed.
Please. Someone. Tell me what to do. Help me. I feel so stuck it makes me sick.
I don’t want to be alone and I am into guys who are older. I feel like I’d have a hard time finding someone okay with two young kids – I know that’s not a reason to stay where I am but I simply am so torn I do not know what to do.
TL;DR partner is great but won’t stop drinking.
ETA: he’s a good dad and partner. I wouldn’t have to lift a finger at home if I didn’t want to. Does laundry, cooks, basically worships the ground I walk on. But ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Comments
He’s picking your kids up after drinking at a bar? He’s drinking 6-7 giant beers a night? Leave. He’s not acknowledging he has a problem and it’s not going to get better.
He’s an alcoholic. You knowingly procreated with an alcoholic and now you don’t know how that happened. You have to leave.
This man is never going to change. He’s your father, but probably worse. Value your life and your kids life more than your mother valued yours and get out now. Put them first, even if you never find another partner, you’re saving them from being the next young adults to marry a drunk.
Alcoholism is more than 4-5 drinks a day which he passes easily. He needs a come to Jesus moment, can hid family help? What would he do if you left, do you think he would quit?
>Now he doesn’t take shots but still goes to the bar for 1-2 hours before picking kids up from daycare.
He is not a good dad.
he’s an alcoholic.
hes picking kids up with alcohol in his system?
leave…..please….