I 24 female have married my husband 24 male. The first week I felt very relieved and comfortable, but my relationship anxiety quickly came back. I became pregnant a month after we got engaged. Hormones really hit me hard and for a month I started a lot of arguments. I worked on it and got it under control. But for a while it impacted our relationship. Now we are married , and I’m afraid did he marry me because of the baby? He says even if the baby miscarried he loves me and we’re married together forever. But I feel fear. For people who felt afraid to be loved did you ever get over it?
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I felt anxious for a while as a newlywed. I think a lot of people do. It’s a big change. But then I made a decision. In for a penny, in for a pound. I was going to give it everything I had. It would work out or it wouldn’t, but if it didn’t, it wouldn’t be because I hadn’t done my part and then some. I found this extremely comforting. I was on a mission to be a fully contributing partner in a happy, loving family. There were times it could have gone either way. Every marriage has those times. When that happened, I reminded myself of my mission. In my case it worked out. I was with my husband for nearly 50 years before he died. You don’t have guarantees. But you can always have the knowledge that you acted in good faith and did your level best. Best of luck to you both!
We had 3 kids in the first 3 years of our marriage. I was a disastrous ball of nerves. My body changed drastically, and I was scared I’d never be myself again. My husband was in the military when 9/11 happened. He was deployed all the time and I was absolutely scared we wouldn’t work out. It turned out that for us, all the hard times and struggles really made us stronger. It took some time but I eventually found myself and my body returned. I started to feel so much more secure in our relationship with every milestone, hardship and year that passed and we survived. My husband is a good man. He is true to his word.
Only time will tell if yours is the same way. His words sound good so far. Listen to his words but pay close attention to his actions. If they continually line up, take a breath and let yourself relax.
I can feel secure when I’m not depending on anyone but myself. Otherwise, there’s always the feeling someone is going to pull the rug out from under me.
Read up on covert narcissism. Some of the most narcissistic people tell themselves it’s okay if they’re obsessed with themselves because it is in a negative way.
You’re now in a partnership and you have a child. Might help to focus on other roles in your life.
What was up before you got married? How long did you date? How did you feel? How important to you was marriage and why?
Edit: oh, it’s you. You overlapped escaping a cult with signing up to spend the rest of your life with someone. I understand that must be really difficult but it’s very specific. You chose not to spend time figuring out who you are if you’re not controlled in a cult or a wife and mother.
No, I still feel insecure with a stabile loving husband.
instead of focusing on HIM HIM HIM, reshape your thoughts
what can I do to make the world a better place today (for my child & my nieces & nephews & for other children & for dogs & planet & wildlife & my elderly parents & for my friends elderly parents & for my neighborhood elders etc)
acknowledging your hormones might be attributed to this mess is the first step, but the resolution is for you to seek counseling
it won’t be easy, it won’t be an overnight fix as your insecurities run deep
placing a partner on a pedestal is probably the worst thing you can do (besides emotional physical abuse)
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have you ever seen those images of a couple in bed together where the “thought bubbles” over each of them go like this?:
woman: I bet he’s thinking of another woman & having her do nasty things to him, etc
man: I wonder if I train my dog to open the fridge if he could get my beer, also
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so…. what I just said above in a nice way is sugarcoated.
bluntly: calm down
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