Me (28) and my gf(30) have been together for almost 8 years. I have always been on the hornier side and have wanted to have sex just about every single day since we started dating. She on the other hand only seems to want sex about 1-2 times a month despite saying we should have more sex after every time we do the deed. She seems to be attracted to me, or at least tells me so. She will hint at wanting to have sex later (she for some reason never wants to during daytime?) but it almost never happens and she falls asleep or has some reason why not to. She has rarely, if ever, given me a blowjob if she doesn’t want sex or is on her period. Almost every night she sleeps naked next to me, and it drives me crazy because I know any advances will be shot down. We have a good relationship despite that, I do so much cleaning, cooking, and Ive complimented her multiple times every single day since we got together. I just feel so much sexual frustration I guess and I have to relieve myself alone far more than I’d like to. I don’t know what to do, talking about it does nothing really or maybe there will be a week where we have sex like 3 times but then it comes to a halt. I’m 28 and have been very horny for the majority of my life, but I feel like I’ve had far less sex than anyone else I know in a relationship or not. It worries me that these years will be the highlight of my sexlife and it will dwindle even further down the road to a couple times a year. How do I fix this constant problem and alleviate the deep anxiety and frustration I’ve been dealing with? I know talking about it will be the common answer but it also doesn’t seem to work well and she’d get defensive. Another thing to add is I strictly try to engage in the way that works for her specifically and try to adhere to her cues and how she has told me it works for her.
TL;DR
I have a much higher libido and don’t get to have sex near as much as I’d like, gf doesn’t seem to care, I’m sexually frustrated and lost. Talking doesn’t do much, and I’m afraid since we are in our 20s this will be the most we will have sex despite it being abysmal already. Please help.
Comments
It won’t get any better. Because it’s not your problem to fix. It’s not seen as an issue with your gf. So it won’t change. Don’t let anyone tell you that sexual needs are not needs. You aren’t compatible any longer. You can try and stay and hope it will get better or change, but in all likelihood it will not.
I’m speaking from a position of 15 yrs marriage. I love my wife and am still extremely attracted to her. I want more sex than she does. I pushed and chased her for years, so much that it built up into resentment and anger on both sides. Finding a therapist and learning some hard truths got me to where I am now.
My therapist boiled it down to “ if I’m not happy, I should leave. Because my wife is who she is and she isn’t interested in changing. To her it isn’t an issue. I can either learn to accept it or move on. I’m too stubborn to quit so I haven’t moved on. Will I someday? Maybe. I don’t know. Aside from that issue we are good together.
If I were you, and your age, knowing what I know now, I would leave. There are tons of other women that will want to have a same level of physical intimacy relationship that you do. It may not seem apparent now. Maybe try some therapy. Can’t hurt. Good luck. Don’t waste your life
Her libido is lower than yours. If this is a deal breaker for you then end the relationship and move on.