My MIL just Facebook messaged me to say that she saw the photos I posted from baby gymnastics and would “love to come with to the next class- it looks like a blast!”
How to I even respond? My strategy thus far has been to be respectful/polite but interact as little as humanly possible. I really do not want her to come (if I give a little she takes a mile).
I’m torn between ignoring it or just “hearting” it and then never following up? Any better ideas to avoid conflict? Help she gives me so much anxiety 😭
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“Sorry MIL, this is an activity just for me and LO.”
If you ignore it, she might show up or call the gymnastics facility to ask to attend.
“I will let you know when it’s a good time to join. This has been an opportunity for me to get one on one time with LO and I’m not ready for anyone to tag along. “
Ma’am. You’re an adult. You tell her, “No, thank you.” Protect your space, your peace, and, ultimately, your child.
“That doesn’t work for me. Baby Gymnastics is our mommy baby time.”
Given her history of trying to get your child & SO at her house on Mothers Day without you so she could bathe your child
(https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1kham12/what_would_you_do_mothers_day_edition/)
I personally would grey rock her and limit her being able to look around in your Facebook.
I totally understand your hesitation
“No need, thank you” if she keeps pushing then say “don’t worry I can handle this, thanks again”
“No thanks” or “nope, not happening” is the answer.
“Oh Lil one loves you so much I think you’d distract her. How about I send a video instead?”
Just tell her that it’s one on one bonding for baby and you and you don’t need any extra help but you appreciate her asking.
Tell her it’s parents only – no other guests allowed.
respond by saying this is mother- child activity only. no way to avoid conflict. might just face it head on.
How about letting her it’s a class for babies and mommies ONLY. Don’t tell her where it is, either. Radio silence about all the fun stuff. You now know she wants to tag along.
Just tell her it’s bonding one on one time for you and baby!
“We’ll have to show you the tricks she learned the next time we see you! :laughing emoji::”
Acknowledge the spirit of what she is after – baby gymnastics is so fun! – but do not acknowledge the overstep she is after – joining for class. It’s an obvious blow-off, but one that is hard to push back on without being direct. If she does push back directly “I’d actually really like to join you for a class,” then you can respond directly with “Oh, sorry, it’s just for parents.”
Both times, you are matching her tone, which keeps it polite, while playing dumb.
Heart it and forget to tell her when it happens again.
And stop posting photos of things you don’t want her to involve herself in
Just tell her that it’s a fun activity for just mom and baby to do something special together.
Just don’t respond.
If she wants to force a conversation, she will have to work harder than that.
And if she brings it up again, just say that it won’t be possible.
I would say just to heart react and ignore is a good idea, but she could see that as you accepting her invitation to join and then show up at the next session. Definitely think you should respond and be straight up but polite. ‘Thanks for the offer but the classes are aimed at parents having one on one bonding time with baby so I’d like to just go by myself’ a
Bad Katz suggests something like “I don’t think they have classes that would work for you and husband’s name here. You can talk with him to see if he’d be interested, though.”
I’d heart react, not respond and then limit her visibility on socials so she can’t see things.
IMO a heart react conveys the wrong sentiment. I’d respond and say that while you understand her desire to attend but that it’s an activity for you and her as mother and daughter.
Give her the laugh 😂 emoji and say no thanks.
Tell her they limit the class to child and one parent. (Assuming it was just the two of you in the photos). Then say we’ll make a date to come and show you her new skills.
So sorry, MIL, the space has limited capacity for onlookers. Some of the other families are privacy conscious and ONLY parents are allowed. Anything plausible that lets you say no.
Don’t respond. If she pushes say it’s a private bonding experience for you and baby.
Say “Will do” then don’t
“It’s a parent and child class, and there’s no room for extra participants.”
Do restrict what she can see on your socials, or you are going to have this problem over and over again. I hardly use FB anymore because if I dared to mark myself as interested in any local event, my MIL would pounce. My good friend has a Google Photos album that she invites select family and friends to and post pics there exclusively. Something like that might work for you, too.
“Unfortunately they’re really strict about not having extra people join, but I’m sure she’ll be so excited to show you all she’s learned soon!”
Respond by not responding. When you post on FB edit the audience block her from seeing your posts without having to unfriend her.
I’m really sorry but it’s not something you can bring extra people to.
No. No explanation needed.
Not going back with people you’re the parent now, she had her chance.
Or yeah it is super fun but no thanks maybe come up with a fun outing we can all make a day out of.
I agree with just saying no adults that aren’t parents or instructors allowed. It’s entirely plausible and imo this should be a rule at all children’s gymnastics classes anyway considering the freaks out in society.
If you’re wanting to avoid starting a confrontation then I think this is the way to go.
First rule of etiquette: Never talk about a social activity to someone who is not invited to that event.
That includes ‘talking’ on the internet.
“I’ll be sure to send pics! XOXO”
You’re not outright refusing her, but the implication is that even though she’s not in attendance, she’ll at least get to see what happened. Unless she’s one of those MIL’s that post pics to the internet without permission.
It really is a blast! It’s something I look forward to as our special little Mommy & baby outing, but I’ll definitely share some cute photos again next time!
“The gym limits visitors. I’ll be sure to keep sharing pics though ❤️”
Does your MIL name the location and time of your child’s gymnastics classes?
I always told my in-laws my daughters dance class limited visitors due to space. She also started dancing in the summer of 2020, so it was true at once time. They called once when we were there to stop by to watch but I knew it would be intrusive and my mil would make it about herself trying to get a reaction out mommy daughter so I ignored it and told them later I had no cell service there.
Tell her she need to get with her child as it a ‘mommy and child only class. /s 😆 🤣 😂
Don’t heart it. Don’t act like you like something you don’t actually like.
Ignore it if you don’t want to confront it right now and as long as she doesn’t know the location and day/time of the class.
Or, say “Only the parents attend these with the kids!” My kids go to these and all the people hanging around are super annoying, TBH.
Don’t let her see pics you post. Give her an info diet. People who try to insert themselves into things get limited info from me. I don’t tell my mom about anything until after we do it so she can’t invite herself.
ETA I’ve also started posting more a monthly batch of pictures on social media instead of on real time or daily/weekly. Then people don’t see where we are in real time, and it’s harder to see patterns of what we’re doing, where we’re going, how often, if it’s one time vs. regular, etc. It’s helped me get less questions about what I’m posting.
“I think X is too old for that or you’d be able to attend”
Or just tell her you go so that you can make friends who are also parents and won’t mingle if other people are there with you.
Sorry MIL, but I also catchup with my mother’s group/ friends during/ after this class so it’s not the best day for us.
Just tell her it’s a bonding activity you do as mum and daughter so don’t want to dilute it
Giving a ❤️ implies you love the idea of her coming and joining you. Why send the wrong message? Just an honest “This is an activity I enjoy doing with LO”.
“This is not an activity where extra guests are welcome but I will be sure to send more photos next time. I’m glad you like them!”
Ignore her
Not enough room for all the parents.
Thanks, it is a blast! It’s for me and baby alone time.
‘Sorry, MIL. Only one adult per baby is allowed to attend. I’ll have a look around for some grandparent activities that you can take Lo to. I know that baby would love to spend some time with you’.
Look up things like baby rhyme time at the local library, baby splash / swim classes, baby bush play activities, stuff like that. There must be some out there. This is YOUR thing, don’t let her muscle in on it but try to find something that SHE can do that will 1) make her feel involved and 2) give you an hour’s break from LO. If you’re feeling super charitable, you could meet her for lunch / brunch afterwards.
Put MIL on a restricted friends list so she can only see what you allow her to on fb,
Don’t respond as it opens the way for further dialogue.
Ignore it.
Never give an “excuse” why she isn’t going, ever.
Acting like it would be a great idea, you support it, but “there’s the one little problem between her and what she wants” tells her that what she needs is to eliminate that as a problem, and she can have time in the class with baby.
Hey, mom said it was alright.
Right?
So “the class doesn’t allow it”
“you wouldn’t like the pool”
“It’s too far a drive”
“too many people is distracting for the class”
“you don’t have a bathing suit”
are all things that to normal people in possession of manners and consideration, are a place to infer from.
“oh hm, that sounds like I’m being told that it’s nothing personal but I won’t be invited. Okay what am I having for lunch today” end of story for us, because normal people with manners who like to maintain friendships look for boundaries to cooperate with.
Guess who isn’t doing that.
People who can’t take a hint, and absolutely will go around the boundaries, calling the school to demand being the exception to the rules, or telling you not to worry about her, or dismissing that she could possibly be distracting/detrimental, because if Mil didn’t intervene and Get Shit Done everyone else, no one would get what they really want, and what everyone really wants is for Mil to be happy.
Ignore her, tell her “that’s so sweet but this isn’t a group activity,” tell her the class is already over, tell her that you will let her know if that ever becomes an option but so far it isn’t, or just say “aw thanks” and nothing else, but don’t give her a reason.
so i have a 20 month old daughter and my mil has commence to our gymnastics class although she still spends more time with her other grandkids and i don’t know your situation with your MIL but it sounds like she just wants to be an involved grandma (that’s my wishful thinking) if she oversteps i think it’s 100% okay to say no clearly over text and that this is something for you and your child to do together but you could find another activity
Quit posting your kids photos on social media. Not only for her safety, but so MIL doesn’t interfere . I had to do this with my in laws.
Just don’t respond to it lol.
“hearting it” is as good as giving your blessing for her to intrude. Tell her no. She knows she is imposing.
“I’m sorry, but the policynis they don’t allow spectstors at baby gym. They allow parents only due to safety reasons.”
Just be honest and tell MIL that this is a activity just for you and your daughter to have special time alone together.
You’re allowed to have your own activities with your daughter. If you start lying and MIL finds out it creates drama