So, I’m married and have an almost 12 year old step daughter. I’ve never wanted to have my own biological children but it was never an issue that my husband had a child. I have some friends who ask me about being a parent and how do I like it. My response to them is I don’t truly consider myself a parent. My stepdaughter has two able bodied parents (my husband and her mom) who care for her and provide for all her needs. I honestly just look at myself as an extra adult in her life that she can interact with and confide in if she likes. I always make sure she’s included in all family activities when she’s with my husband and I. I make sure to go to all our extracurricular events and school events. We have gotten our nails done together and gone shopping. I always treat her with kindness and respect, but I don’t look at myself as a parent to her. I’m curious if others feel this way? My one friend made it seem like I should have more of say in her life when it comes to discipline and decision making. I’m like that’s not my job. She has parents to discipline her and make important decisions for her. My husband has asked for my opinions on things but he isn’t asking me to help make decisions pertaining to her or to discipline her. I’m just the extra bonus adult in her life and it works out fine.
Comments
If it works for everybody involved, the people on the sidelines making judgements can go kick rocks
It’s ok to see yourself as her 2nd mom. Or even a stepmom. By your description, you are.
I think it’s totally normal.
IMO your interpretation of being a step parent is exactly right. It’s what I had with my step and I would have resented if she had any more authority or disciplinary activity in my life. As you say, I have two parents for that.
You may not be actively parenting, but you’re (hopefully) actively showing her another example of a stable woman in her life, and modeling a healthy relationship with her father.
That’s far more important than an official parenting label. ❤️