I’m a late 30sF, and I went to lunch with a friend. well to be fair, a so-called friend. She had yelled at me through text (a long tirade) about how she’s in debt, actually to be fair the text was barely coherent. Like she was having a meltdown. But no excuses. Then two weeks go by I ignored her message (she’s also in my profession and it was all in writing, so didn’t want to fight back and leave a paper trail so that can be used against me for getting a job).
Then she apologized to me later, so I thought ok, maybe it was a one off thing. Then two days later she wanted to talk to me about some drama in her office, i said no i’m busy. But it turned out i was in her area for something else on another day, so I said she could talk to me then. And then we got lunch, and she didn’t yell at me, but her drama was so pointless (like most drama).
I left, back to my town, but before I did she said “you know, you are so agreeable! Even keeled and calm. When I sent you that angry message in the past, you didn’t fight back! I would have said ‘how dare you talk to me like that!’” Seriously? AGREEABLE? What an insult. I was tactful, not agreeable.
So in short, i’m not talking to her ever again. But my real question is: have any of you been called ‘agreeable’ before in your own contexts, and what did you do about it? I’ve also been called “not argumentative enough” “not firm enough” well f**k that! And would you consider “agreeable” an insult, esp. being a woman?
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She only thinks you are agreeable because she doesn’t see how disagreeable she is.
This is more a matter of her being blind to herself than you being a doormat.
She’s only calling you agreeable because she is volatile. Where she would’ve chosen to escalate you chose to disengage, which says a lot about your respective emotional maturity levels. Agreeable isn’t a bad thing, and I’d argue that she’s using the word incorrectly anyway. Don’t take criticism from anyone you wouldn’t ask advice from.
It really depends on the context.
I love historical period dramas. In that context, being “agreeable” is a good thing… it means “enjoyable and pleasant”
To be called “agreeable, even-keeled and calm” in the context of “you didn’t fight back when I sent you a shitty text” isn’t a bad thing, either. It means you aren’t going to blow your top over just any little thing and you know how to manage your emotions.
IMO, that’s a good trait to have.
If you’re going to be upset over that, that’s your prerogative.
Your reaction wasn’t even agreeable, lol, you just know when to not enter a stupid fight or feed unnecessary drama.
She was right, though, when she said you were calm and even keeled. Someone has to be when other folks are sending incoherent rants like a broken cabinet (you know, unhinged).
I had a friend who commented that I was “passive” — but we aren’t friends anymore. Some people value that in friendship.