hi all. i’m in my early 20s. new to dating. i usually
prefer older men and was wondering if having ssx with a man that early in talking. would be harmful if i
need a long term relationship with him?
is having sex on first date the wisest idea of i wanna date that person?
r/Advice
Comments
Yes harmful to the prospects of dating long term.
Hello! I would highly recommend against doing this!
Sex is really important to a healthy relationship, I always say you should fuck first and then get coffee. Nothing worse than bad sex ruining a good relationship.
Depends on the person some people will think it means your a whore and not “dating material” and some others think it just means your sexually compatible and that’s good.
Depends on you and them mostly
a real person wants to first get to know you ( mind , spirit and emotions) not your _____!
Utterly irrelevant, although it WILL bias how you perceive the person.
If you feel comfortable and trust him it’s your choice. But taking time to get to know someone can’t help with long term relationships
It’s super situational but 9 times outta 10, it won’t work out. If you’re wanting an actual relationship, hold out on sex and follow the 3 date rule. No sex until at least a third date and if he doesn’t make it that long, then you know all he’s wanting is a quick lay
Hey there! I’m in my mid-twenties myself. I’ve found that, for whatever reason, people seem less respectful to someone if they find themselves sexually involved that early-on. When I’ve had sex with someone early in a relationship, I’ve become somehow expendable to them. They become unkind.
It’s a shame, really… there’s nothing morally wrong with being open like that, but the cultural narratives around us, the context of our dating lives, demonizes that sort of behavior. I think a lot of people suffer from a whore/madonna complex due to its prevalence in the zeitgeist.
In short, in a perfect world, it wouldn’t pose a problem, but the world is weird and sexist. (This still applies in queer contexts too, of course. The issue just finds its original root in sexism.)
It depends…on the personality…some couples that I have been together for years, had sex pretty soon…but for me personally, I just lose interest if I do it too soon…and some men may see you as frivolous
No it is not wise at all.
Not advisable. You will find that a lot of people out there see quick sex with no strings attached as the end goal. They will ghost you after that first date. You need to spend some serious amount of time with a person to get to know if they really want a long term relationship or just a quick fling. Several dates first before sex is perfectly okay.
It depends on what feels right for you. First-date sex doesn’t ruin long-term chances, but good communication and trust are key.
Why don’t you let him take the lead.
Let him lean forward for a kiss
Let him take you on a good date
Let him invite to his home
Then see the chemistry and act.
A double-edged sword. If the girl is a virgin, then I could wait, if not, then it depends on how many of these “first dates” she has had. If she doesn’t give it to me only, then why the hell do I need such a girl. If she gives it to everyone, then why the hell do I need a whore. I make this conclusion on the first date and decide whether I want to invite her over. If the girl gives the impression of a good girl who doesn’t sleep with everyone, if I really like her, then I will ask for sex to strengthen the relationship and check if she likes me as much as I like her. If I don’t like her enough to be my girlfriend, then I will ask for sex just for the sake of sex, and then forget about her like a bad dream.
I’m Australian, so it may not apply to wherever you live, but it isn’t an issue here.
I get that other nationalities are way more judgmental.
I slept with my husband of 25 years on the first date, and it worked out great.
My ex before him, I also slept with on the first date and we were together for 3 years.
If you like each other, who cares? Having sex shouldn’t suddenly change that, or suddenly mean you don’t want to get to know each other better.
On the flip side if you are sexually incompatible, you find out right up front and you don’t waste months of your life and ending up just friends.
Go with your feeling at the time
Probably. Not even for moral reasons. Let the tension and excitement build
I don’t know of any man that decided he didn’t want to be with a woman bc she had sex with him too soon.
I would recommend not doing that. Especially when ur this new! First, find a person and get into a long-term relationship with them, and then the breakup happens. That’s when u are super devastated and that’s when u start exploring ur sex journey with multiple people. 😭
There’s no right or wrong answer it really depends on what feels right for you. Having sex early doesn’t mean a long-term relationship can’t happen, but it’s important to feel comfortable and communicate openly with the person. Trust and connection matter most.
I stopped because first stds, and second they could be a terrible person and I’d regret pleasuring someone who’s terrible.
Me and the wife started with sex on the 1st date over 25 years ago. Now, I would not recommend it. I made it a point that I wanted to date her and not have our relationship based only on sex. On the 2nd and 3rd dates, I keep sex free to make sure we were actually interested in more than the physical.
I wouldn’t want sex on a first date, and would disappointed and repulsed if it was tried
Yes it would be harmful. First, you need to value and respect yourself, and have morals. No this is not a religious thing. Like they say, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” so to speak.
There’s no right or wrong answer it depends on what feels right for you. Having sex early doesn’t mean you can’t have a long-term relationship, but make sure you’re comfortable and communicate openly. Trust and connection matter most
I will agree with most here that usually, having sex very early frames you as “not long term material.” Why, because math says that you will have way many more 1st dates than 3rd or 5th or 10 dates, so if you are a 1st date lay, then your body count will be way higher. Since it’s not often considred polite to ask body count, then the guess will be made from how quickly you “give it up”.
Having said that…
My overarching feeling that has yet to let me down is to OWN the situation and to do whatever you do, FOR YOURSELF. If you want to have sex, have sex. Don’t do it for him, don’t not do it for your GFs or family values. If you want to wait longer or not, it’s because YOU want to.
Why does this work for me? Because at the end of the day, you don’t really KNOW what is in his head. If you do things based on his desires, your actions become tied to his honesty. If he misleads you, then you feel you betrayed yourself by acting based on his lies. Guy put on full-court press lovebombing- very intense, but lasts only long enough to get what they want. Then there are the honest ones. How do you tell the difference? Get to know them and their friends. Still no guarantees.
Have sex because YOU want to do it, with whoever you want to do it with, whenever and as often as you want to do it. The sum of your decisions will define you, so don’t rely on others to make those decisions for you.
Good luck and UpdateMe!
He will never respect you.
Ew. No it’s not even in the Top 20 “wisest ideas”
No guy respects what’s handed out to everyone freely.
There’s nothing wrong with you taking ownership of YOUR sexuality, and expressing it freely… from a position of personal power, self confidence, and satisfying your own needs.
But this isn’t a Regency Romance novel. You can’t get an “offer” just by putting yourself in “compromising positions” in the orangery.
Grow up. Build yourself up till you get to “fuck you money” … in self confidence. Then you can get laid as much as you want, whenever you want… without being some sad, lonely, needy sex-beggar trading pussy for crumbs of attention.
It can be fine. If you both like each other then go forth and fuck
No and yes… No because if he’s looking for a notch on the bedpost you don’t want to be that one. And yes because if you leave it too long he might start thinking you will hold out after he marries you. These days it’s definitely try before you buy, in the the past a married woman didn’t call all the shots as they do now.
If you’re dating to find your right partner for long term relationship, It’s not right idea to have sex on first date. Often time one of you, will not proceed for second date. May be you’re the person who would get ghosted. That will be hard for you to move on without resentment. I personally would wait for few dates to understand my feeling regarding the date or my date’s thinking about long term relationship with me.
Who gives a shit? If you like sex, have it. If he likes you, he’ll want more. Stay safe.
If you have sex with a man on a first date, you likely won’t have a second date or relationship. Most men are dine n dash. They won’t work for something they got easily on the first date.
You have to be clear what kind of relationship you wanted and communicate this to the guy.
Youre young and sex on first date might turn into a One night stand or a friends with benefit. If your cool with that them go ahead.
If your looking for long term well get to know the guy and go on dates with him more to know what kind of relationship he wants from you.
Remember having sex on first date does not mean he wants to have a long term relationship with you. So be careful
I am going to be contrarian with this as I see some are. This a decision only you can make.
I say yes have sex on your 1st date. My wife on our 1st date, we had sex. We met at my apt, we never left for the actual date. The next two weekends were just like the 1st. It was the 4th weekend before we went on a real date. That was 46 years ago and we have been married 44.
Prior to my wife, this girl I met, she actually approached me and asked if I leave where we met and go to a wedding reception with her and if did, I could fuck her after the reception. We went back to her place after the reception, and we did it we lived together for about a year.
I also had a couple of others that 1st time turned into long term relationships.
So yes you can have sex on a first date and have it turn into a long-term relationship.
While I’m all for sex I can’t say that I’ve ever stayed with someone that I had sex with on the first date. Maybe it’s just me. The people that I’ve built a relationship with first seem to work better.
guys just wanna hit it and quit it. get rid of the weaker ones and find someone who genuinely cares about you and wait it out.
meh. I’m old. not sure it matters.
Nope it tells people are desperate and just care about pp no personality and long-term relationship.