So currently I am trying to improve my mental health. For years I’ve been avoiding relationships because I know how ill I am, and I’m finally starting to get better. I’m going to therapy and I just started on Lexapro recently. I finally feel like I can dip my toes back into the dating world, but I’m unsure of how to navigate it at this point. My mindset has changed from “I need to avoid dating until I’m better” to “I’m working on bettering myself and I deserve to be loved, if they can’t handle me while I’m trying to become my best self then they don’t deserve me when I finally get to that point”. From my perspective, I’d want my partner to be there for me when I’m having a rough time. I’d be there for them, so I feel it’s fair to want them to do the same. However at the same time I also understand it’s a lot to ask of someone and I wouldn’t come into it with unrealistic expectations. I’d be forthcoming about my issues and all I’d want from them is to be patient and understanding while I’m working on myself and be there to support me when I need it, so that I can be there to support them when they need it. But the more I think about it I feel like this is kinda toxic and expecting too much. Is this toxic or would it be okay for me to approach dating again with this mindset? How forthcoming should I be?
TL;DR Is it toxic to want a partner to support me in improving my mental health so I can be the best version of myself for them and so I can be there for them when they need it? Should I avoid dating until I’m 100% better?
Comments
from my perspective, it depends. (absolutely not trying to make accusations at all, i just don’t know you/your tendencies so i need to put this out there) if you have severe trust issues, severe insecurities, manipulative tendencies, will use your mental health to write off any relationship issues/discussions/etc. then no you need to continue being single & work on getting past all that.
if not? absolutely dip your toes in the dating world!! if someone loves you, they will be your support system in hard times & be understanding.
you absolutely do not have to admit your mental health issues in the beginning if you don’t want to, that’s your own personal choice.
also, i’m diagnosed bipolar among other things so this is coming from an also mentally ill person. i wish u the BEST of luck, we deserve love & support too!!
Depends on how you interpret the phrase. At your worst meaning your lowest potential and needing personal growth, sure, though it’s a lot to ask in the beginning of a relationship, I see it more as loving someone though the waves when already involved. It does not mean handling you at your worst behaviour, however, as mental health is not an excuse to be abusive.