So my ADHD beautiful and highly intelligent boy opened his window up (no problem taking care of all “child locks”) and went out to “explore the front yard” at 6:00am this morning.
We reacted calmly, asked him to show us what he meant, thanked him for his honesty and assured him that he was not in trouble. We also went deeper into stranger danger, are buying window and door locks for the rest of the house, and yes I cried in private afterward, but we don’t want him to ever feel like he needs to hide things from us. It’s exactly because of this he just came right in and told us “Hey mommy, I’m sorry, I think I did something dangerous. But I’m okay!”
He is also aware if he does it again, now that he does know, he will be getting a serious consequence.
My husband and I discussed having a police officer speak with him about stranger danger BUT I also don’t want to scare him out of telling us the truth, nor do I know if we’ll immediately be signed up for CPS. It sucks to worry about asking police for help, but everything is so red tape now. Would the police help, or would they assume the worst and make life harder rather than helping my son learn an important safety lesson?
He has a clock that tells him when it’s morning, because he has always run on so little sleep. I was like that at his age. My parents solution was to allow me to watch TV in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. I’d wake up like clockwork at 2:30am every night.
He doesn’t have an iPad and we do try to be as “screen free” as possible, but I may be allowing him to do the same, because if he’s going to be awake anyway, it will keep him from looking for things to entertain himself. He can’t help that his body doesn’t need much sleep, and I can’t pretend like I don’t know where he got it from.
Thanks all!
Update: Thanks all for advice and thoughts. I agree that the police in this scenario will not be needed or helpful in this situation! The child locks clearly are not enough anymore, so we will be Uber securing the home today on all windows and doors.
Comments
Thank you u/QuarterQuellCrisis for posting on r/AskParents. All post titles must be in the form of a question.
Posts that do not conform to the subreddit rules are subject to removal at the discretion of a moderator.
Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I wouldn’t do it. I think it will scare him too much. I would also look into audio books so he can listen to a story when he wakes up at night.
I personally don’t think a police is necessary as long as he follows the rule going forward and seems to understand the danger; as for watching in the middle of the night, its not a good habit to get used to ipad time like that (nor TV for that matter, if there is not full control over what shows he could access)… It would be better to have things in his room to do instead like picture books, audio books, age appropriate puzzles, duplo blocks, playdough, easy-clean drawing supplies or colouring books, etc. … if it has to be a show then maybe a small TV plus DVD player with favourite low-energy shows/movies (eg Puffin Rock) not an ipad
I wouldn’t do it. Not because it would scare him, but because he might think it’s cool and do it again just to see the officers.
Sure is.
Children are not responsible for their own safety. It’s your job to make him safe.
It’s not the police’s job to come out and parent your kid and give them a safety speech.
This is outrageous.
Ask Ryan Gainer
Seems pointless. Him getting out of the house isn’t dangerous because a stranger may take him. That is SO unlikely. Its dangerous because he could have hurt himself or gotten hit by a car or a thousand other dangerous things.
As for the sleep, I have adhd and struggle with it a lot and have to take melatonin. Its possible you may need to talk to his doctor about something similar
Secure the house better, and he won’t be able to get out. You could even add window & door alarms, if necessary.
I don’t think having a police officer talk to him will help. It could scare him. Or if could be exciting and he tries harder to do this so he can see more police and their cool cars.
I think what you’ve done so far is perfectly sufficient. Bringing a police officer in if you don’t have one in your close family feels like overkill at this point
Who diagnosed your child as ADHD?
That’s who I would be calling for advice on how to proceed in teaching him about why this is unsafe
Use chatGPT voice chat, tell it the scenario you want to explain and it will act as a police officer.
So you know stranger danger has fallen out of favor because most abductions or assaults occur with people the child knows. It could also make the kid afraid to go to a person if they need help in an emergency. The focus now is usually talking to the kid about consent, people acting suspiciously and trying to make them keep secrets. Its called Tricky People
When did kids stop reading? I was a reading machine as a child. I would have read books under the blankets with a flashlight.
I personally think it depends in the way you and the police officer approach it. If your child is the type to admire police officers, fire fighters etc it could be a positive experience and a great way to make sure the information stays in his brain.
I would wait for the incident to pass a little bit and write down “stranger danger” as part of a bigger list of subjects to touch with the police officer like fire safety, crossing the street, stealing and such. But it should definetely be something informative and gentle, not a “if you go out again YOU’LL GET KIDNAPPED AND DIE” type of scare you know? I don’t know how to explain it, but theres definitely ways to approach it.
Like: “my job is to keep you safe, so you have to help me out by keeping yourself safe”
I also loved having bells on the doors. I had a decorative doorknob ring with jingle bells on it for Christmas and I ended up leaving it on the front door year-round.
I can also highly recommend door locks up high. Or keeping the deadbolt on the door always locked.
YES that is a terrible idea.
Police are not good people. They are not here to serve or protect you. Teach your child to fear them, to never talk to them, and to have another parent around if police ever talk to them.
Teach your children their rights. Encouredge an intelligent and adventurous child to explore and be adventurous. Also teaching a child ‘to never talk to strangers’ is dumb. Teach them to never GO with a stranger, but discussion is fine.
I agree with not having the police involved at this time. I like what someone else suggested about a wake up basket with quiet time things in it.
You could also have a little chart with things to do when waiting for mom and dad to get up. It could have words and pictures of things like do a puzzle, read a book, etc.
Cops are not our friends, they should be an absolute last resort. I personally don’t need a highly armed and demonstrably stupid person talking to my child
What? Don’t do this. Police have zero place in this situation.
Secure your home and keep a better eye on him. It’s not a 4 year old’s job to keep themselves safe. Their brains literally are not developed enough to allow them to override their impulses and make good choices 100% of the time – that’s why they require caregivers and cannot be home alone at that age.
I get it. When my kids were younger, their curiosity and problem-solving genius was next level exhausting! But there are thousands of options for sale these days that will allow you to put up multiple layers of obstacles for him so this won’t happen again. I highly suggest that you make several of those layers ones that include loud alarms so you’ll be alerted when it’s happening. Also, a parent might need to be in his room at night until he has safer wake-up habits formed.
Instead of an ipad, consider finding a small, cheap old TV/VCR that can be his, and stocking up on some 25 cent VHS tapes that are kid-appropriate and fit his interests (in addition to books, of course). That way he can safely entertain himself with screen time without any of the potential risks that come along with throwing computers/internet into the mix. Around that age, my oldest was fascinated by the old National Geographic wild animal tapes. And now she’s still super into wildlife and planning her own animal observations!
If you can afford it I would put sensors on the windows and doors to alert you when they are opened. My kiddo on the spectrum when he was little would always try to walk out the door for no real reason other than he could. We had to do lock latches like in hotel rooms but at the very top of the front door.
Yes!