Im no expert in relationships and still fairly new. And for him (24M) its his first ever relationship. I noticed how i’d see little things or minor mistakes that gets me a lil frustrated.
But its just small things like him promising this activity but only did it when i pointed it out. Him not considering picking me up when he’s driving and im not that far, him not communicating well with plans through text, etc. Things that in past guys, they would do these naturally and I myself would do these normally too.
All these things Ive told him and he did try to change these so Im happy. But I feel like such a downer that its always him making these mistakes and I seem to not make mistakes cause he never called me out on anything (which also is another thing that Im noticing, like i cant be perfect!? are you just not telling me my mistakes!? LOL)
I know its his first time so hes not used to this. So maybe im critical. And also i cant help but to notice them because these things I feel are “common sense”?
TL;DR Bf has made a bit of a number of small disappointments and I’ wanna know how to deal with this.
Comments
Very few things in a healthy relationship should be taken for granted. It sounds like you are using “common sense” as a way of saying, “I shouldn’t have to ask for what I want”.
People’s brains all work differently. You can’t make it occur to him to pick you up. You can consistently ask to be picked up until it becomes a normal part of the routine. After that, if he still doesn’t start doing it regularly you can have an explicit conversation about how it is important to you.
And on that point, you need to decide how important this stuff is to you. If it really is just minor aggravations; get over it. If it is important to you, why is it important to you? Understanding that will help you put it in perspective and help you explain it to him.
As for your flaws? Well, we just covered communication, taking things for granted, and understanding why little things upset you. Start there.
I don’t mean this to sound harsh. Sounds like you’re both still learning yourselves and each other, so above all else – be gentle and understanding with each other and try to see things from each other’s perspective.
How often do these mistakes TRULY impact you? I.e. the 5/5/5 rule. Will it matter in 5 minutes, 5 months, or 5 years?
Don’t feel this way at every mistake, or are there some you let go?
Do these mistakes seem intentional?
You might need to learn to give him some grace, or you might be totally justified, we don’t have enough information. “Common sense” doesn’t mean the same thing to a person with a neurodivergent brain, ask me how I know. You have to decide what level of mistakes you are willing to accept and either make peace with it and let it go, TRULY let it go, or consider that you may not be compatible.