I’ve stayed friends with an ex for a few years now, and it’s genuinely just a friendship. No flirting, no what ifs, no feelings on either side. We have the same friend group and get along well, so it felt natural to stay friends.
But I’ve had people tell me it’s impossible to be friends with an ex without someone catching feelings or that it’s disrespectful to future partners. I get where they’re coming from, but I don’t see why every situation has to be the same.
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Backup of the post’s body: I’ve stayed friends with an ex for a few years now, and it’s genuinely just a friendship. No flirting, no what ifs, no feelings on either side. We have the same friend group and get along well, so it felt natural to stay friends.
But I’ve had people tell me it’s impossible to be friends with an ex without someone catching feelings or that it’s disrespectful to future partners. I get where they’re coming from, but I don’t see why every situation has to be the same.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I think it’s a matter of context but as well as opinion. What works for you may not work for everyone else. I could see this causing issues in the future with partners but as long as you’re upfront and transparent about everything going on I don’t see an issue.
You can absolutely stay friends with an ex.
As long as you both know its just a friendship.
Just because someone people don’t know how to be friends with an ex, doesn’t mean it cant work.
No man will take you seriously if you want to continue contact with an ex
Bisexual people exist.
Also I am friends with about half my ex’s. Why not if we parted on good terms??
In general, it’s not necessarily good or bad.
But it’s a highly situation dependent thing. Like, if you have kids together? Yea. Being friendly and civil is clearly a good thing.
It really does come down to every single individual person and situation.
Why not, if you like them?
This is one of those things that ought to be considered a green flag, the ability to end a relationship so amicably that you actually stay friends.
It’s not a bad thing at all. It’s called maturity
You don’t want romantic feelings left when you’re trying to be friends with an ex imo.
But like, if you don’t enjoy their company I don’t think you need to go out of your way to stay in touch. There’s no need to formally end a friendship like this. People drift in and out of our lives sometimes.
I think it’s a green flag to be friends with exes. It shows you can move past conflict and hard conversations to a peaceful resolution, even if that means you’re not together anymore. Anyone who says you can’t be friends with exes are often immature or have insecurities or jealousy issues. It’s not always realistic for us to expect our exes to vanish from our lives especially if there’s a lot of shared friendships. Like… what else should you be but at least cordial.
It can work. Just because most relationships cannot continue doesn’t mean that some can.
Look at Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine, they stayed best friends while moving on and dating other people
A lot of people can’t do it but it requires a level of trust between you and your future partner. My husband and I personally? Had two of his exact girlfriends in our wedding party and my fwb lived with us for 2.5?years. Still married and happy after 25 years.
If you are in another relationship? Bad idea.
Its a green flag if someone can maintain a platonic friendship with their ex, I’m getting dinner with my husband’s ex next week because they’re still great friends and I adore her.
People who are incapable of having platonic friendships with exes or those of the sex they’re attracted to are truly terrifying to me. If you are unable to see them as anything other than a potential romantic/sexual partner, you need fucking therapy.
So I’m married now, but the guy i dated before my husband i was with for about 3/4 years and he had purchased a ring and everything before we called it off. We then lived together for about another year platonically while openly having other people in the picture.
I’m still friends with the guy i called it off with lol to this day lol. We do have a lot of the same friends obv, but also we do things outside of just seeing each other at parties. He and my husband get along great. We are all the kind of people who believe that relationships are fluid. You can go from friendship to romance back to friendship if the friendship foundation was there already. You just have to have two people who really believe this to be true.
People continuously are surprised about my friendship with my ex lol but like, we didn’t do anything to hurt each other. Nobody was the Bad Guy in our breakup (and nobody needs to be). We’re just two people living our lives and we used to date and now we dont. And it’s just life 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing wrong with two adults deciding to be friends but it gets more complicated with new partners and how they feel about it.
If you’re truly over each other, and it’s a platonic friendship that adds value to your life, especially with shared friend groups, why ditch it? It only becomes an issue if someone’s secretly still pining or if a current partner feels disrespected after you’ve clearly communicated and set boundaries.
I think it really depends. I’d say more often than not it doesn’t work out, because when you both date someone else your options are a. Be honest and accept that someone, either your partner or theirs will be jealous and it probably will result in the end to the friendship or the relationship, or B. You aren’t honest about your past and if it comes out then new partner has every reason to be suspicious. The only times I’ve seen people truly stay friends with exes are when they have kids and manage to maintain a pretty healthy co-parenting relationship and the new partners understand there’s no breaking ties with that person because there’s kids involved. I’m not saying it can’t be done, it absolutely can, but you likely have up to 4 people that need to be ok with the friendship as well and it always gets messy once someone starts dating again.
Good for you if it works, but why? It may cause issues with future partners, I dont see the point.
It’s a bad idea.
Yes it can be fine but it’s also an unnecessary risk. Usually one party isn’t as fully resolved on feelings as the other, one drunken night and history can easily repeat itself.
It will also create problems with future partners, even if you find a partner who doesn’t care, the ex might not.
It can work out ok, but in my experience those are the minority of cases. I’ve seen far more cases where it’s caused issues in the future and broken up subsequent relationships.
Everyone always believes they are the exception to these types of things, but they’re usually wrong.
Honestly, I could never be with someone who was actively still friends with an ex, because most people who do end up cheating with said ex. I’d be fine being with someone who got along with their ex, and would put up with being around them should they both end up being at the same place/hangout/whatever, but I would absolutely refuse to be in a relationship where someone is actively still friends with someone they had a physical or romantic (or both) relationship with.
No it’s fine. I am 45 and my first bf and I stayed best friends until he died 2 years ago. It’s never been an issue.
Lol, he actually hooked me up with my late fiancé and before he died I lived and worked with my late fiancé, my ex, and my exes best friend. It was fine. No one had a problem. I wouldn’t date someone who had a problem with it.
I also never had an issue with anyone I was with hanging out with their ex either. Sometimes 2 people just figure out they are better off friends.
You’re right that not all situations are the same and if maintaining a friendship with an ex works for you then that’s fine.
It could be a dealbreaker for future partners but as long as you’re open about the friendship early you can weed out people who aren’t compatible with you in that area.
I’m friends with my ex husband. It’s possible and we’re both in other relationships now. I’m friends with his wife. It just depends on the people.
I’m friends with a bunch of exes and my husband is friends with all of them now, too. I don’t think being friends with exes is weird at all…
The issue with being friends with an ex is that often times they dont inform their partner that one of those in their circle of friends is an ex. And then get pissed when their partner finds out and doesnt take it too well. I dont need to explain why a partner would get pissed about that, common sense answers that one.
And rest assured there are so many redditors that will say “Their past is none of their partners business”. Which is beyond laughable when an ex is within their social circle.
The other issue is doing things with just the ex. How many times have i read where someone got drunk with just their “friend” and crashed at their “friends” house and then they found out that friend is an ex, and some dont understand that the optics of that arent very good for the new partner. In fact in that instance throwing in the towel should be a given.
Or the “My ex wants me to go to the mountains/Cruise/beach for a weekend” my partner is being insecure about it. C’mon.
Its those types of things that are a serious issue in relationships when it comes to exes. And we can skip the doormats on social media who say “If my wife wants to go on a cruise with her ex for a week, Im fine with it” Thats always horse shit.
Just look at how often a partner ends up cheating with an ex. Its pretty common when it comes to that.
Other than that being friends with an ex should be fine.
My sister’s best friend is her ex-husband. They were married 9 years. They had no children and didn’t speak to each other after the divorce. She remained close to his dad and brother. Ex had no problem with that, he moved to a neighboring state. About 5 years ago, brother tragically passed away unexpectedly. She went to the funeral and he was there. They started communicating again and are now best friends. Strictly platonic (my sister and I are close, we’ve always been honest with each other). They get along better now than when they were married and miserable lol. So yes, I totally think it’s possible to be friends with an ex and I don’t think it’s bad if both sides are mutually respectful of the new type of relationship that’s developed.