Hi! I’m 19f and I have a family reunion tomorrow. I have some self harm scars on the underside of my wrist that are very old but a little noticeable as they are purple/pink. I have a gel that makes them lighter temporarily but still visible and I’m not sure what to do.
It’s gonna be warm in my area so I’d like to wear a short sleeve shirt; I’m not necessarily worried about my extended family seeing them in passing for the first time (no one except my immediate family knows), but my little cousins who’s ages range from 3-10 are very observant and point things out a lot and my fear is that they will say something. Obviously I’d never actually say the truth, but I’m nervous about it becoming a thing.
Does anyone have advice? Should I cover them?
Edit Bracelets don’t go far up enough unfortunately. I am a little nervous that they will think I’m crazy or less of me even though they’ve never given me reason to think it, we have one person in the family who went crazy and none of us speak to and I don’t want them to think of me that way.
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If they make you uncomfortable then cover them with some bracelets and the cream. If a little cousin sees them, just say you got some boo boos but you’re ok.
I’m of the opinion that you are under no obligation to hide a literal part of your body (other than what’s legally required for decency obviously) because it makes people uncomfortable. This isn’t an inappropriate tattoo, it’s a scar because something happened to you and people can get over themselves.
However, you are free to hide anything you want for your own comfort.
I wouldn’t cover them. Maybe have a plan in place for if they ask – “I had bad scratches, but they’re all better/getting better now” – something along those lines. If adults comment – “I went through a tough season, but things are looking up”.
Simply (😬) don’t let it become a thing. Be firm with your basic explanation and change the subject. Or be honest and let them know you’re not comfortable discussing and you’re choosing not to. Set the boundary if needed.
I do hope you’re in a better place. Life can be hard – so overwhelming. ❤️
Are you willing to unpack your trauma worth everyone that needs to be a part of your business? My scars are more than 30 years old and i have just for the first time spoke about them and only with my therapist. And I was wrecked.
I am 40 and have self harm scars from childhood. I used to try to hide them, but it becomes impossible after a while. I say don’t try to hide them because it’s not sustainable.
For whatever it’s worth, nobody has ever asked me about them. Sometimes I notice people look.
I’m always in admiration for anyone who displays their self-harm scars. It always indicates to me that they have beat it.
You don’t have to hide them. If you’re concerned about how the little kids will react, you can leave things vague and/or make up a fake story. Maybe you got scratched by some bushes or a cat or something. A small child will probably believe it and will lose interest quickly anyway.
You tell kids what they can handle.
“What happened to your arm?”
“Oh I just got a cut. Did you try these cookies?”
if they are fully healed (no scabs) then you are 100% free to wear whatever no matter what anyone says. especially if its going to be warm and its going to be uncomfortable to wear long sleeves. i have scars from my wrist to my elbow on both arms and i wear short sleeves whenever i please. people have made comments but its normally strangers. the worst response ive ever had was my baby cousin who was probably like 5 at the time seeing them and covering me in bandaids. it was still sweet and nobody blamed me. dont let anyone tell you you have to hide your body. its your body, if anything tell ppl ur into scarification hahaha and for the kids i always like to say i fought a tiger or a lion or something and i won idk
If you’re comfortable with them, then don’t cover them. Obviously they may inspire questions and comments, but personally I think you should do whatever you’re comfortable with. Everyone else can deal with their own comfort/discomfort but it’s not your responsibility to change so others aren’t comfortable.
I wouldn’t cover them. “Those are from when I was sick.” And usually most younger kids would just go “oh ok”
Mine are healed but are still somewhat visible. I used to work as a camp counsellor and I don’t remember any of the kids ever noticing. On the rare occasion someone asks, I just say that they are scratches and then change the subject. Most people will not press. I don’t think wearing a short sleeve shirt would be inappropriate by any means.
I’m sending you love and good wishes. I remember feeling nervous about my scars. I think that since I’ve healed mentally the physical scars don’t bother me as much. ❤️
I’ve been not hiding mine for a few years. I’m 24, I even have a pretty bad raised dark red one that happened last year. I’ve only been asked once. I simply said “my cats play rough” they know that’s not what happened but they know from that answer alone to not keep questioning.
Don’t hide your past, be proud that your free from addiction & getting better 🙂
I’m not a parent but I did self-harm when I was your age and I understand maybe what you’re going through. If it doesn’t bother you then don’t hide them. When my parents finally saw mine I was able to get help. I can tell you if they are still red you can buy mederma and that will take away some of the scarring for when you’re older I wish you all the best