Hello all.
I’ve turned to Reddit as I can’t understand if it’s me that’s the issue or not. I’ve been with my partner for a very long time, it started off amazing as it always does. Over time little things have been adding up to a point where I’ve reached my limit. My fiance has ASD and I can’t work out if some of his actions are down to that or not. He constantly makes jokes at my expense, I’ve said how unhappy I am with it and he seems to have backed off a little but it’s normally about my weight, looks, nose size or how “thick” I am. He has a tendency to pinch/poke and slap my bum. I’ve said how much I hate all three and it’s got to a point where he will hold my arms to force me to let him do it. This happens around 3X per day. I normally laugh out of anxiety I think or get very angry. An example of this is;
Partner tries to pinch me
Me: stop I really have had enough of it I tell you this everyday
Partner tries to pinch me again
Me: seriously f*** off
Him: you’re so grumpy all the time, whatever
He then proceeds not to talk to me because I’m always “grumpy”. He never takes accountability. There is so much more but I don’t want this post to be ridiculously long. I was in hospital for bleeding when I was pregnant with one of my children and he came to visit and started lecturing me about how I’m always anxious about my health and that it’s getting too much and that there’s probably nothing wrong and that I’m being dramatic. No hugs or empathy or anything he just left after. If I have a problem or am upset about something he tells me to stop being stupid and leaves it at that. He never compliments me and I feel really alone and hurt. When I eventually did give birth he was joking around with the midwives and on his phone for the majority of it, not really paying much attention. Then after told me how well I did and that he was proud? I just don’t understand as sometimes he is really kind but the majority of the time it’s like I’m hanging out with a friend that doesn’t really like me. Even if I pour myself a glass of wine he will say “alcoholic” then plays it all off as a joke? Is this ASD or something else? Can anyone help?
Comments
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Nope. His behavior is abusive. I would not marry this person, or stay with them another minute. You owe yourself and your kids.
Definitely don’t marry this guy. His favorite hobby is publicly & privately humiliating you.
If someone hurts your feelings on purpose for their entertainment they do not love you.
Please get some counseling. Please don’t get married.
It’s not ASD, he’s just an asshole. Just my opinion as a person diagnosed with autism.
First, I have ASD, and I want to STRESS that I am not a speaker for all people with ASD as it is not a monolith.
Secondly, ASD is not an excuse for crappy behavior. Sure, I internalize a lot of things I don’t understand and I’ve pushed boundaries in the past, but IT IS NOT OKAY. You can be neurodivergent and not a total ass.