i have been with my girlfriend for close to 9 months now. we have had a great and healthy relationship and i truly love being with her. however, with today being the 4th of july, she asked if i wanted to come see fireworks with her and her family. in truth, i just really don’t feel like going. this is the first time that this has happened in our relationship, and i feel bad for declining just because i don’t want to, but i don’t want to lie to her. i really don’t want to hurt her feelings by not going, but again i just have zero motivation or interest (i also don’t really like fireworks and have expressed that already). am i in the wrong? she seems upset at me.
tl;dr – my girlfriend invited me to see fireworks with her and her family, and i feel bad because i simply don’t feel like going.
Comments
You have to work out why!
And then be honest with her about why.
Hard, for sure.
But it is how we grow.
Honesty and communication is the foundation of every relationship.
Good luck friend.
No, this is normal. Just tell her you’re not feeling well. It’s true.
Nah just be like “I am going to stay in tonight, I don’t like fireworks” it shouldn’t really be a problem
Being in a relationship sometimes means doing something you don’t really want to do because it makes your partner happy. Hanging out with her family on a national holiday doesn’t seem like such a hardship, IMO.
You do not have to go to everything she invites you to!
What you can do is make sure you tell her in advance you don’t want to go instead of waiting until the last minute (if applicable). So if she invites you to something two weeks beforehand, make sure you let her know you don’t want to when she first asks– don’t say yes or maybe and then tell her the day of that you don’t want to. This gives her time to possibly make different plans (like maybe she really wants someone with her, so she decides to invite a friend instead when you say no), or to come up with different plans you might actually want to go to. If you tell her yes and then back out at the last minute, she’ll be less likely to have time to do something different, and it may be pretty embarrassing and disappointing for her if she already told everyone you were coming.
Obviously this is only when you’re asked in advance, not if she only asks you the day of. If you’re invited at the last minute, you can absolutely say no at the last minute.
You’re fine for not wanting to go see firework. Which are the same every years and dealing with crowds sucks. And getting stuck in the car for hours as everyone clears out is horrible. You’re fine for declining.
You’re not wrong but you are rejecting (in a way) your girlfriend’s attempt to connect with you – look up the concept of ’emotional bids’.
“No” is a fine answer that needs no elaboration – just don’t be surprised by the consequences of saying it repeatedly, especially for relatively simple requests like this.
Sounds like one of those things you might not look forward to or even enjoy, but will have been glad you went after it’s over as long as you can keep a positive attitude.
Just tell her you don’t feel like going out. It’s not a lie. Maybe you can just stay in and… cuddle…