I currently live a fairly fulfilling life. I work in a job I enjoy, I’ve been happily married for 6 years, and I’ve overcome many of my “demons” in recent years. One of those demons that seems to be more of a permanent fixture in who I am is my tendency to be content keeping to myself.
I have a deep and meaningful relationship with my wife, who I never, within reason, tire of being around. I also enjoy smaller get togethers, like having dinner with another couple we love dearly every Monday evening.
The problem I have is mostly with my in-laws. They are very close. They’ve gotten together every Saturday for the last decade at least, and they all generally enjoy each other’s company. Its loud, with 8 LOUD adults and 10 kids. Everyone else seems to be having a blast, and also filling their needs for intimacy. On top of all of this, I generally feel safe there. No ones perfect, but they certainly try.
I don’t feel the same as the rest. Typically this weekly event is something I’ve dreaded. It’s 3-8 hours a week I don’t have control of. I don’t really desire to be intimate with my wife’s family. My humor is not similar to there’s, and I get pretty overstimulated. They’re also very prideful people, who, granted, achieve a lot, but also live in an echo chamber. They’re also very Mormon, and my wife and I are exmormon, which can lead to a lot of uncomfortable exposure to the church.
It’s not a balance issue either, we don’t see my family often, and that’s how we like it.
The last two nails in my coffin are that they all really like me and desire to be close with me(expressing how much they’ve missed me when I’m gone), and it’s EXTREMELY important to my wife that I have an intimate relationship with them. These Saturday get togethers have been required for me since about week 3 of us dating.
The bottom line is that I care about my relationship, so I know I need to find a way to balance this in my life, as not to resent my wife, and to maintain a healthy life. How do you balance your needs and your responsibilities? Am I too cold and unfeeling? Is it okay to be antisocial?
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I live with mine and can say I spend a lot of time in my room bc it’s so overstimulating they can sit together all day no issue like I have to walk away my social battery runs out so fast lol i definitely know the feelinv
Sometimes, I start to feel sad about being single for 3 years. And then something like this comes along and makes me feel good again.
You married your wife, not the in-laws. You made no vows to them. That being said, have you tried to limit getting together only one weekend a month (or less)? You are losing half your weekend, every weekend, in spending time with folks who overwhelm you.