My husband lets me read them and they are horrifying..filled with schemes and cruel comments.
I didn’t realize until I read mil messages how mean and critical she is. For many years I thought she was sweet, gentle and kind until I saw her messages and realise that she is a completely different person. Now I can’t look away because she is always up to something.
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What does your husband reply to these messages ?
Kudos to DH for allowing you to see her true colors! He wants you to know her true self.
I called my MIL out on her behavior and she said it was all misunderstandings. She didn’t change her behavior but I did. I started calling her out for crossing boundaries in the moment and she started just crying. It made me so mad. I went NC.
My MIL has since taken her rage out on my husband. I read some of the messages and he told me what she said about me over the phone. The texts always go back and forth between fake support to completely playing the victim and blaming my husband for being ungrateful. My MIL also had SIL spy on me so she could call my husband and question him or yell at him for whatever I did or said that was mildly offensive or curious.
I’ve been NC for 9 months and I’ve realized she might genuinely think she’s done nothing wrong to me because I’m basically just a casualty to her abuse of my husband. All my boundaries she crossed she felt entitled to cross because of her need to control my husband. She never said anything nasty directly to me, just to my husband. She accused me of being controlling because my husband wouldn’t do what she wanted. She also accused my husband of being abusive of me because he has a short temper with her ?
I stopped reading the messages. I placed boundaries with my husband. I asked him to end all conversations where she brings me up and to not tell me anything about her. He needs to deal with his mom. I’ll help him if he needs but he doesn’t like what I say, usually.
Your MIL shows her true colors to those closest to her. I would stay far away.
What’s with your husband not putting a stop to them immediately? Why is he letting you read things that are mean and hurtful instead of telling his mother to stop it?
On one hand ignorance is bliss, on the other full transparency can be helpful when there is something off and the situation calls for missing information in order for things to finally make sense.
I don’t think it’s common but every family system makes their own normal, so if circumstances call for it – why not!? Especially because now you’re privy to her dark side and can share your husband’s burden of dealing with an inadequate mother. I’m sorry the veil has dropped, at least she managed not to let her cruelty spill out in the open (yet).