I (30M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been in a relationship for about 7 months. We don’t live together but are quite serious. Recently, I moved to a new flat and packed everything myself.
While unpacking, she found a bra in one of the bags I brought from my old place. She questioned me immediately. I was caught off guard, I genuinely have no idea how it ended up there. I tried suggesting it could be from before my previous flings or maybe its an accidental mix up with her room mates clothes (they live together and share a washer+drier), but she didn’t accept any of those explanations. She has checked my phone but didn’t find anything so she suggested I might be better at hiding since I am tech savvy person.
She keeps saying she doesn’t believe I cheated, but still expects a “logical” explanation and dismisses everything I say. If I try to move on or clarify that I don’t know how it got there, she circles back to questioning me again. This has happened before too, she once saw a bindi stuck behind my ear and reacted strongly, even though I’d been on a video call with her almost every minute of the day.
I’ve been honest and loyal in the relationship. But now I’m starting to feel like I’m being doubted constantly. I don’t want to feel like I’m on trial every time something unexpected happens.
Is it reasonable for her to continue reacting this way, even when there’s no evidence of wrongdoing?
Appreciate any perspectives from people who’ve dealt with something similar.
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Your girlfriend is a huge red flag. Do you want to live with this kind of crap for the rest of your life? Her questioning you every time something comes up that she thinks is an issue or thinks you’re cheating or God knows what
See it from her perspective. It’s not something you expect to see in your boyfriends bag. Whether your honest or not, it looks bad
I’d say if this was the first time she’s done it – maybe. A stray bra that doesn’t belong to her is kind of a red flag, especially if your only response is you don’t know how it got there. I’d be nervous too. But if this is a pattern for every little thing then she has some trust issues to sort out.
You packed a random bra that you found in your flat? Tell her you were using it for padding.
as a girl she’s probably never gonna get over that bra and probably thinks about it everytime your relationship has a minor argument / inconvenience. and it’s not her fault. she has the right to be confused by it. and she probably wants to get over it but it’s hard cause she cares and wants to make sure ur loyal. i dated someone for 3 years and never got over the first small red flag and ended up resenting my partner honestly. it makes sense she wants a reasonable logical explanation for the bra. bras dont just magically appear
Wym you had a bindi behind your ear? Is this part of your culture or something? If not, I’d understand her.
Honestly, if my wife who trusts me completely found a bra in my luggage she would start doubting me too.
Imagine you find a man’s razor or cologne or condoms in her luggage that she can’t explain. How would you react?
You should have taken it more seriously and tried to figure out who’s bra is this. If you have a random bra hanging out from your previous hookups and you packed it with you that’s suss af. Idk but if I was your GF I would have felt more secure if you have taken it more seriously and tried to prove you’re not guilty. ‘I don’t know how it got here’ is not good enough…
End it.
I personally would find this exhausting. Either she trusts you or she doesn’t.
When husband and I we were dating, I found a pair of fancy women’s underwear when I was emptying our laundry bag. Asked my husband, and he was like “I haven’t the faintest.” I said okay and moved on. When I dropped the dirty laundry off next time, I asked the laundromat guy, and he said a customer had asked about them. The laundromat mixed up the loads.
Point is: I trusted my husband (then fiancé). If I felt I couldn’t trust him, I wouldn’t have been with him in the first place. You were a single man before you met your gf. So I assume you’ve had women who wear bras in your apartment before. Or, your roommate has. You explained that, and she is not accepting it. I think this is unreasonable on her part. I would just cut her loose.
Can anyone explain what a “bindi behind my ear” is? Is it a hickey?