I have A LOT going on at once. I am 43f married to 44m with 3 kids (10m, 7m, 2.5f). I also have my elderly 83 y/o MIL living with us. She is exhibiting signs of confusion/dementia. She has good days but her bad days are stretching out a bit more.
I come from a huge family and husband from a small family. This is how my MIL came to live with us because after the death of my FIL she didn’t have anyone else who could help her. Husband and I worked really hard to buy a large home in a large city that has a HCOL. We extended our home to house my MIL. To help organize our lives, I went from FT to PT. This allows me to care for the kids, home and allows someone to be with my MIL.
I enjoy working, but it’s been difficult to work the PT hours. Husband and I have been discussing leaving to stay at home full time. I don’t mind it, but apprehensive with the required care for MIL and potential effects to my career. Husband understands and we haven’t pulled the trigger.
I just learned my sister (37 y/o) is pregnant. A little background. She has complex health conditions that are managed by a good number of specialists. She’s has a couple of planned pregnancies that have led the miscarriages because she had a hard time finding providers who could manage her care. Her last pregnancy was successful and it was all due to her great new team that are in my area (she moved about 1.5-2 hours away). She and I were both pregnant at the same time, and I helped manage her care. She stayed with me, and on weekends went home, if her husband wasn’t able to stay with us. We enjoyed having her with us and do not regret helping her. This new pregnancy was not planned and she will see the same providers. She would like to stay with us. This time it would mean her and her daughter. So it will be a full house. We have the space but I’m working and have my MIL. Husband and I want to offer her the help but it would mean I definitely can’t work. Sister is offering to help offset costs with her being there.
I want her with us for her health and baby. I just don’t know how to navigate this. I am sad to leave my job and add more work in my home life. I feel overwhelmed. Everyone is aware of everything and we are trying to work this through. Is it a smart plan to put my career on hold again? How would it impact my kids? All the fun stuff /s.
TL;DR: I’m tired and busy with taking care of a growing family, aging parent, home, and work. Now have to consider having pregnant sister stay for her and baby’s well-being. Not sure how to navigate.
Comments
Damn, that’s a lot on your plate. Honestly, sounds like you’re the backbone of like three households at once. If your sister staying with you is gonna tip the scale and force you to quit work, it’s okay to pause and really ask: who’s supporting you? You’re doing the absolute most, but you’re still human.
My husband and family do come through. I know my aunts would help with prepping meals and coming over to babysit. Husband would stretch the budget for cleaning and laundry services. We are trying. My sister understands its a stretch and would help financially until everything is settled. Just wondering how it would hurt career and managing my MIL.