I’m 22 and pretty inexperienced for my age I guess (i’m a virgin), and I should also mention that I have zero male friends and the only men I interact with often are my brothers and father.
Anyway I recently downloaded hinge and tinder and my experience has been so gross that l’m honestly ready to delete it after 2 days and not even bother trying to date.The amount of men who say sexual things or try to move the conversation into a sexual one right off the bat is so shocking to me. One guy literally just said “missionary”
I thought I found a guy that seemed sweet and after some talking he asked for my snap and I gave it, which I haven’t used since high school but whatever, after like 5 messages I made some comment about him giving gentleman vibes or something like that and he said “gentleman until I’m not” or something along those lines. And he seemed so sweet that I honestly thought he was joking so I said “same, monster in the sack🙈”
Now, please let me know if this is my fault but I genuinely thought it was be obvious that I’m not serious. I’m literally in bed wearing a winnie the pooh t shirt, but anyway maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But then he says “Oh really, can you fit the whole thing in your mouth? x” 😐
I don’t know if it’s because i’ve never had anyone say anything like that to me before but it just made me feel so disgusting in a way I can’t even articulate, like it made my skin crawl after having such a normal conversation. Are most guys like this when dating? Like is this the way most guys see women or did I just get unlucky?
Comments
A lot of guys act this way. It’s normal in that sense, but it’s not okay.
Even when you are experienced, that sort of stuff will probably still give you the ick. They’re signalling that all they’re really interested in is sex, which is fair enough (you do you, hun), but to people who aren’t solely interested in that, it’s weird.
I’d block anyone who immediately becomes sexual, and anyone who gets angry, aggressive or snarky with you if you’re not going ‘fast enough’ for them.
The kind of guy you’re looking for is the kind of guy who’d also be grossed out if a woman immediately started talking about sex with them.
They do exist. They’re just a lot rarer.
I was about to say that most guys your age are more focused on sex and will steer conversation that way, but then I realized it is most men. But I think the early and pervasive porn that this generation has been exposed to has maybe warped their expectations for what is normal.
They are mostly all like this. That does not make it OK.
Just start blocking them with wild abandon. No need to explain yourself. They have already shown you who they are, and you don’t owe them anything.
Block and move on. Another will be along in 5 seconds anyway.
Hmm, know this is generally a women’s subreddit, but it comes up in my feed sometimes, so thought I’d respond if that’s okay. And as an older guy, would say that on average, most men are a little clueless (and yes, on average, sex is a huge deal for them). No judgement, but seems like your generation is less tolerant of how sexually charged up many men are.
To me, most men are to some degree a bit like big dumb, friendly dogs (me included). We try things that are not okay, sometimes because we had no idea, and other times because we often don’t think before we do, we just try it.
So when a man makes a wrong turn, it’s okay to guide him to where you’d like him to be. Give him an indication that you weren’t happy with something he did and usually, he will try to respect your wishes. If they don’t, it’s time to move on.
Although, as you probably know, text is a pretty mediocre way to communicate. Very little emotion is communicated and it’s very easy to get the wrong idea (yeah, am a big fan of switching to phone calls as soon as possible).
I wouldn’t give up the idea of dating, I just wouldn’t expect anything other than 18+ from those apps. Imo, those apps are mainly for hookup culture more than finding solid romantic relationships.
Not all men are like this when it comes to dating but men who use hinge, tinder and other hook up apps are more likely to be like this for sure .
Tbh I’d avoid them, I hear lots of scummy and sometimes pretty scary stories as a result from dating apps but to each their own! Be safe girly, I wish you the best 💗