For context: we got married young, and I live in his apartment. Our relationship started going downhill after I lost my job three months ago and have been unemployed since
He used to be supportive during the first week, but he quickly started losing patience. Now, he’s distant and cold toward me. I’m not saying I’m a perfect wife, but I’m definitely not lazy , I still cook, clean, and take care of the apartment. Despite that, he often doesn’t come home, saying he has a lot of work to do
Yesterday, we had a huge fight because he started nagging me about how he’s the one paying all the rent and bills, and how it’s forcing him to work extra hours. I tried to defend myself and explain that I’ve been actively looking for a new job, and that I’m still contributing by handling all the house chores. It’s not like I’m just sitting around doing nothing. This isn’t the first time he’s started a fight over money. Every time we argue about finances, he ends up leaving , sometimes for two or three days, and even up to a week
I don’t think I’m a bad partner. I know he’s under a lot of stress, but I don’t understand why he always has to take it out on me
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Divorce. If this is how he reacts over a job loss then you are not safe if you get sick or have kids. I presume he’s cheating too so i would look into that.
in no world do you live in his apartment. you live in your guys apartment. youre married. these things stop being yours and mine.
are you guys sharing a bank account? in no world should he be leaving for a day or a week over an argument.
this can be fixed in therapy if both parties want to, but tbh if i were you i would start a stash of my own cash secretly and leave.
edit – i would also tell him that if he leaves again hes not welcome back into the relationship. thats unacceptable behavior. can you live with a family member?
Tbh I’d suggest couples counseling especially if he’s shutting down and not communicating. Sounds like proper communication isn’t happening and you guys just keep hitting a huge block in the road. Communication is key in every relationship
Neither of you are mature enough or far enough along in your life to be married.
The great news is that you can get divorced now and start over, figure out who you are on your own, maybe even go to college and find a career.
It is absolutely not normal in a good partnership for one partner to leave for days when they don’t want to talk about something. It’s not normal for one partner too be kept in the dark about shared finances.
He’s taking it out on you because he wants to. His behaviour is a choice. Instead of brainstorming how you can find a job – what skills you have, what you might do to qualify for more jobs (so many free online courses), other avenues of finding work (any temp agencies in your area? Sometimes that’s an option) what related jobs you might do) he just tells you off for not magically having a job and refuses to share his worries with you.
This does not bide well for if you ever have kids. You won’t be able to work for a bit, and he’ll just… leave? Shut down emotionally? Refuse to pay for necessities?
Your husband has no business being married – you don’t need to bend over backwards doing all the chores either to prove your worth. You losing your job should not cause him to act this way and to stay away for days at a time? I’d consider an annulment. Find yourself a job and consider leaving him. That’s not how an adult should act.
He’s clearly stressed and likely for good reason. Are you both 100% of each others financial position and the finances? Is he carrying debt you don’t know about? Do you carry debt he’s now liable for? Are you spending?
His reaction however is excessive. Leaving for days is bizarre and if he has a lot of work to do, that should be bringing in more money otherwise it’s dead time he could spend on a second job.
Are you trying as hard as you could be? Could you find work in other areas?
If you can’t speak, write. Tell him how him leaving makes you feel, make productive suggestions about how else to handle the emotional pressure (Google options). Ask him to stay and discuss it openly. Focus on understanding each others feelings not accusing or making excuses over actions. Admit you are stressed too
But he needs to stop running away. It’s not productive and if he keeps doing it and not trying, you should consider ending jt.
I understand why he’d feel that way. And I also understand you. But until you start earning, there’s a chance of this not getting fixed. As you can understand, for some people money is a big deal. Please don’t get me wrong I’m not here to discourage you, and also if you wanna have a better communication with him it has to start by expressing you the each of you feel in a calm way, and you must not take things personally. This is not all your fault, he’s got work to do too. Leaving and not coming back for days is not ok either.