So my husband (M35) and I (F31) have been together for 12 years. Overall we have a great relationship, but since I’ve never been with anyone else long-term I wonder if certain things are normal in a relationship.
I, like many women, get some hair on my upper lip. I’m pretty diligent in removing it because I don’t like it. The ultimate plan is to get laser removal but I’ve only recently stopped breastfeeding so it’s in the future to-do basket.
Anyway, as I said I’m diligent in removing the hair – and to be clear it’s not like a full on moustache or anything, but can be noticeable if you’re looking closely.
Today we were walking somewhere and he noticed that I had some hair there that is not removed. I was honest and said I totally forgot in the shower this morning, and I thought that would be the end of it but he got quite angry and told me I need to keep on top of it and that it’s disgusting and he’s sick of bringing this up.
The last time this came up was months and months ago, so it’s really not like I’m forgetting every day. I apologised and promised to get it sorted as soon as we’re home but I’m not wondering is this the common reaction of all men?
I know it’s gross and it’s not something I want to have on my face either but I feel like the reaction was a bit extreme. Would I be wrong to bring this up to him? To his credit he did apologise for upsetting me, but doesn’t think he was out of line for the actual comments.
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So let me get this straight. He’s mad at his wife who had a baby not too long ago about shaving/waxing her upper lip? He has no right to ask you to do anything to your body, not even mentioning getting mad. I’m so sorry
No, this is not normal and I’m sorry he’s speaking to you in such a nasty way over something so completely trivial. I don’t really have any advice because I’m not sure how to deal with this, but I wanted to let you know that you don’t have to put up with this.
No, this is not normal
That isn’t normal at all, and frankly, your guy sounds like he sucks.
I wouldn’t even consider my partner to be a nice person in general, but he giggles when I tell him I finally shaved the ‘stache.
I’d be willing to bet he often cuts you down in other ways too. Do with that what you will.
Oh my Gosh, what a slap in the face! He’s being an ass.
A man who actually likes you would never.
Um. If this is Ragebait, well played.
If not, no it is not normal.Not normal to get angry, not normal to expect it is your dearest and highest priority to make you Look how he likes.
No, it’s not normal for him to react that way or make you feel bad about it.
Hair is protection for our skin and it’s naturally occurring in that area for most people.
Removing it is your choice if it makes you feel more comfortable or confident but you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it if you forget accidentally or even change your mind about removing it.
anybody who complains about hair where it’s supposed to be is a child
Not normal, definitely mean.
I bet he has hairy ears.
What a dick. Wait until menopause and you wake up hairless and have a goatee by noon. Tell him to lose the audacity and you’ll think about losing the hair.
It’s so annoying that men can be hairy af but when it comes to a girl we have to shave almost all of our bodies. Maybe let the stash grow and tell him to go f himself. Maybe take a picture of it and send it to him every now and then. If you can’t laugh about this together, wtf are you doing with him? Maybe find a man who’s gonna love all of you, including your stash when you forget about shaving it 🥰
This sounds very controlling and, in my book, a red flag. He doesn’t own your body. Mentioning it? Yeah. Being mad when you told him you forgot? No chance. Please tell me he’s not like this with other aspects of your relationship?
Please don’t ever apologize to someone for having hair on your body…as virtually all humans do. Please.
This isn’t normal. He shouldn’t be telling you to do anything with your body. That is not his right.
My husband would swallow his tongue before he’d make such a remark to me.
It’s perfectly normal for you to feel bad. It’s perfectly normal for you to have a few stray hairs coming in. I bet he does. I’m almost 63 I have hair on in places I didn’t think hair grew. A less hurtful way for him to tell you ” baby you have a little moustache. Might be time to shave”. When my wife was still alive she appreciated my noticing and kindly letting her know.
This is not a priority for a SO to be referring to
Talk to your Doctor get educated on the hormonal changes in women as we give birth and grow older next sit your husband down and educate him as well you are not alone do research and do safe research
You can get it removed permanently at the doctor’s.
My bf gets mad at me when I remove mine because he says he loves it because it’s part of me. He doesn’t want me to do any kind of hair removal and even loves when I don’t shower (I still shower, dw) and will lick my armpits and toes. I personally believe when you truly love someone you don’t care about these little things at the least, or love them ideally. I’m sorry your husband’s balls haven’t seemed to drop but this isn’t something wrong with you.
No, this behavior is not normal.
Nah…girl this is one of the biggest red flags I’ve ever seen.
Okay first of all. Hair that grows naturally on your body isn’t gross. He’s gross for making you feel that way.
Not acceptable. He can feel a way about it, but he doesn’t get to express gross feelings to you in a way that conveys a lack of respect.
No, it’s not normal. It’s nasty. Everybody has hair there, it’s just more noticeable on some. What a ridiculous man.
It’s not normal, but also you have a young child. Perhaps you’re both stressed.
Tell him his pubes make his D look small.
He’s not normal. This is low, very toxic abuse. This is a very immature, abusive little man who has forgotten that you have just had a baby.
The hair on your lip isn’t the problem.
You’ve had a baby and my guess is your sex life has gone down the pan. It’s normal.
Ask him about that. He needs to find a way to release all that frustration with you rather than at you.
When he looks at you, he wants to feel attracted. This obviously bothers him. Relationships are give and take. If you want him to be attracted to you, take care of it.
Absolutely not normal. You just a baby and are most likely sleep deprived. Most people are concerned about themselves and I guarantee the only person who noticed was your husband.
Get the laser hair! It’s amazing. And make your husband pay for it for being a AH.
No, this is not normal.
It is cruel and he should be ashamed of himself.
Is he mean in other ways?
Wait until he find out what perimenopause does to the body.
My partner would never ever speak to me like that. You can sport a handlebar moustache if you feel like it. It’s not a duty and none of his business. You should keep yourself clean if you’re sharing a bed and a life with someone, but aesthetic presentation such as haircut, style or removal is a personal choice. He is completely 100% out of order for talking to you like that. It’s perfectly normal to have stray hairs and as you geo old they will be longer and more lavishly dispersed. He should never comment other than perhaps to inform you casually as he might that you might like to know your shirt label is sticking out, or some of your hair has slipped out of your updo. It is not required of you to remove hair from your upper lip unless it is your personal preference.
He’s an asshole. I have PCOS and get hair on my chin. I do take care of it daily but I’ve definitely forgot the odd time or had a bf see me first thing in the morning. I never had a man mention it and I still get lots of positive attention from men.
Twelve years ago, a 23 year old started dating a 19 year old. Then he tries to control her, and molds her into everything he wants as a woman. When she disobeys and doesn’t do what he wants, he lashes out. He expects perfection from her, though he is far from perfect.
If hair on your lip is the only time he gets like this, you might have a healthy relationship. That’s only if this is the only time he gets mean and controlling. But I doubt it; a man who would call his wife disgusting over a few hairs is not a good person.
OP, read this book please. Men like him are abusive and controlling because it gets them what they want. They don’t want an equal partner, they want a woman they can completely control. https://ia801407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf