My partner (M27) and I (F28) have been together for 4 years now and we went through a rough patch in our relationship last year (around march) and we almost broke up (no cheating involved). We decided to work things through and I have to admit it was hard and alot of talking about our feelings were involved.
We both agreed that if things dont get better or change after a certain time then its best to part ways. After a few months, we had another talk to see where we stand in the relationship and we both agreed that things are better now so we continued our relationship.
Fast forward to now, things still are doing good but our relationship doesn’t feel the the same as it used to be. We had a talk recently about how we feel about our relationship and if things are better than before and we both agreed it has improved and we are happier and are communicating better now but our relationship feels off somehow and we can’t pinpoint why. I asked if he still loved me and he said he very much still loves me but its a different type of love, like he cant put it into words but he was just like “i still really love you, but do I love you the same way at the start?” And i do kind of get what he means too. I do love him as well but the love feels different than it did before we went through our rough patch.
I asked if its because the longer we date, we see each others bad sides and it shifts how we see each other and therefore the “love” we feel for each other changes overtime? But even Im not sure if that even a thing, he is also not sure. I also told him that maybe we’re not supposed to go back to the way we used to be because obviously that wasnt working well for us and led us to almost breaking up but like I said im just trying to be logical as to why things dont feel like it used to be anymore.
So just wondering is this normal? Is there something we need to do? Or is it better to end things?
Dont get me wrong, I do know love is a choice and we are both choosing to love and show up for each other but we are both scared that we’re doing the wrong thing because its not the same as it used to be.
TLDR: we went through a rough patch that almost resulted in a break up, we patched things through and are doing better now. However, things dont feel like it used to be before our rough patch happened and we dont know if thats considered normal or not.
Comments
What was the rough patch?
The beginning of a relationship is not based on love but rather the high that comes from the excitement of being with someone new. This can last well past the year mark. After that, you start to see someone for who they are, and you’re either able to grow together or not. It sounds like you are not compatible when it comes to communication, and while I think this is fixable, I also don’t know why your choosing to stay with someone who isn’t a “hell yes” about you and you’re not a “hell yes” about them.
I am older than you by many years so I’ll say this much, you have plenty of time to meet your future partner / husband. Take a leap of faith and walk away from anything that your gut is telling you doesn’t feel right. It’s usually not the wrong decision. Hope that helps.