hihi, 16ftm here. Fairly sure my mom is neglectful and I’m asking if it’s normal to have never been to the dentist or have regular checkups. The only time i would go to the doctors were to be vaccinated, and I made my therapist beg my mom to get my glasses. Is this considered medical neglect, or am I overreacting? My mom is also a hoarder (I have pics of the house on my profile) and I just need to make sure I’m not overreacting. thank u <3
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That’s definitely neglectful.
I have a friend who never went to the dentist, and is in their late 20s. I don’t know about legal definitions, but it’s definitely not seeing to your needs, and glasses are non-optional for a lot of people. Their prescription also changes slowly over time, so if you haven’t gotten a checkup in a few years, you really should to see if they can get your vision sharper.
Sorry about the neglect, man.
yes, and dental care is super important. often dental schools will offer inexpensive or free treatment for their student dentists to practice, so if you can’t afford dental care yourself, that might be something to look into.
Yea, you should be going to the doctor and the dentist. That does sound like medical neglect.
You’re at the age where you can start advocating for yourself. Is there another trusted adult you can tell about the hoarding, or a friend who can drive you to the dentist? Etc. Good luck.
Can you contact Child Protective Services and ask to speak with a social
worker? They should be able to help you get the services you need
Do you have good dental hygene?
Ever had any pain?
Sounds like your mom may be in a higher-needs situation . Long story short, no. Mom should take you to dentist and Dr even if it’s expensive. Even if it’s a long drive. Even if there’s “nothing wrong” — ensuring routine medical care is part of the responsibility of keeping another person alive. When you’re 18, or when you begin driving, go. Explain and dont be ashamed.
Agree, dental care is important and can unfortunately be expensive. I would discuss getting an exam and cleaning with your mom. Look up dental schools in the area for less expensive care as others have said. Usually a once per year visit is sufficient. In the meantime, make sure to look up how to properly brush and floss your teeth. Also ask your mom about getting mouthwash with fluoride. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Taking care of your teeth is important because they do not come back and if you get a mouth infection it can become deadly. You would know if you have an infection though because those are quite painful. Good luck and good on you for seeking care!
Hi!!
That is not normal.
Normal is getting 2 dental check ups per year….in the US
Where I live there are free dental services a few times a year.
The bleeding gums at 16 isn’t great….
Do you go to school or are you home schooled?
Do you have access to a nurse or someone else that could help?
I took my kid with me to my regular dental checkups and they’ve been looking at his teeth since before he was a year old. His first cleaning was at around 18 months. Yes, your caregiver should be taking you to the dentist.
Yes. I’m sure you could qualify for some program to assist with your teeth. Well, maybe not, I forgot all programs to help those in need are getting canceled.
You aren’t overreacting. That is some neglect. I’m sorry you’re going through it.
Hi, OP! It sounds like you’re in a tough situation and recognizing your needs, that’s admirable. Someone else mentioned self-care. Flossing daily, mouthwash and brushing your teeth at least twice a day (before bed) will def help this.
I’m not sure what state you’re in so I’m including links from an article w diff links & resources: Free or Low-Cost Dental Care When You’re Uninsured.
You may need your mom to sign off. Maybe not.
Get Free or Low-Cost Eye Care
Yes. Your mom isn’t doing right by you. YOU can do right by you. Please know that. Keep focused on the actions you can take and keep moving forward. It’s too easy to ruminate on theirs and we get stuck. {virtual hugs!}
My parents never brought me to dentist, or bought me toothpaste or brushes. When I was younger these were things I’d have to steal from the store to have. They’d buy it for themselves and their son, but me and my sister weren’t allowed to touch it. It’s like they measured it and knew if it was touched by someone other than the 3. I rarely saw a doctor unless it was needed to enter the school system. They were poor but it was a tactic they’d use to hide their abusive and neglectful parenting. Our brother did not have the same experience, he received all of the things a kid should have. At 16 I started to save my money from my part time job to pay for fillings. At 18 I joined the military, and they removed my white fillings to replace with silver. It was heartbreaking because I worked to save and paid so much for them. Anyhoo, the military also took care of me really well compared to my parents, and I got my teeth fixed. I got fillings, braces, cleanings, etc. As an adult I keep up with this actively. My kids consistently get their cleanings every 6 months, and any work that needs done. I always make sure they are brushing and have all the toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, they need. Plus I refresh their toothbrush at intervals.
It’s not normal, but it does happen. It sucks, but once you’re an adult it’ll get better when you can do it yourself.
It’s the definition of medical neglect
If you’re still enrolled in public school ask a trusted teacher or guidance counselor about resources. If there’s a community hotline like the ones run by United Way that would be another good place to start. Check and see if there are any dental schools or dental hygiene courses at a local community college in your area. They often have programs where students participate and do free cleanings, etc. if you can’t find anything by doing a Google search, call a local dentist and ask them if they know of anything and maybe they can help you find some free or low cost care.
This is not your fault, any one thing you just described is considered neglect, and the combination of all of them is certainly neglect and abuse. What country are you in? Asking because different countries have different paths for kids to receive help.
This is not your fault and I’m so sorry you are being neglected in this way.
It’s neglect, whether because she’s a neglectful parent, or because she couldn’t afford to take you. There were several years where I couldn’t afford to take my kids and we didn’t qualify for any programs. Now that we can afford to go, I take my kids regularly. It sounds like your mom is a little of both.
I’m sorry, definitely not normal. Your mom is neglectful. Children should go to the dentist once a year.
r/ChildofHoarder is a subreddit for the children of hoarders; you should check it out!
This is not normal. My kids are about your age. They have been to the dentist twice a year since they were around three years old. I get not everyone has insurance, but OP didn’t mention that was the issue. The hoarding is disturbing, it is so unhealthy both mentally and physically to live in that sort of situation. If you are looking for advice, I think you should talk to your school social worker, if you have one. That is different from your counselor. A social worker helps with out-of-school issues. If you really feel like you need rescuing, you can also report your situation to CPS. I’m sorry this is your life, it will get better.
My grandmother didn’t believe in dentists. So she never went. She eventually died with no teeth of her own. And she never took her kids (including my father). My father, by the time he was an adult, felt otherwise and did go to the dentist, but the damage had already been done and he had teeth problems that have lasted 60+ years
It would be good if you can get to the dentist twice a year.
Not typical.
Can you go now? It’s important to take care of your teeth.
Yeah that’s neglect, you should be going at least once a year throughout childhood
It sounds like mom is struggling to meet her own needs and can’t meet yours either. You are not overreacting. In the States, it is abnormal not to go to the dentist and doctor regularly. It sounds like she has a lot on her plate, but you deserve better. I am sorry