TL;DR
I’m 26M, in a situationship but I feel like I don’t experience that chemical rush or emotional intensity that people often describe when they’re in love.
No butterflies, no strong urge to bond, no deep emotional highs—just comfort or companionship at best.
I’ve heard that hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are supposed to kick in during attraction and bonding, but I honestly feel like I’m missing that part.
Is this something others relate to? Could it be a neurochemical issue, something related to past trauma, or just part of how some people are wired?
Would love to hear your experiences or thoughts. Is this emotional numbness common?
Comments
You will meet someone that makes butterflies
That day you will realise this was not “love”
My guess is either you’re aromantic or you simply haven’t met the right person yet
Is this your first “relationship”? Have you felt these sorts of feelings before, with this person or anyone else?
Have you felt a bit of a high at some point crushing on someone, feeling inclined to talk to them? And is that followed by losing interest? Or not feeling as much of a rush after the high fades?
It’s possible that you’re simply not attracted to this person. But at 26, I would guess you have had experience of being attracted to someone at some point. If you haven’t, I don’t know what to tell you.
If you have, but you don’t feel a sense of long-lastingness to the feeling, then it’s possible you have an avoidant attachment style. Your mind and body might be trying to protect you from becoming vulnerable out of fear and potentially experiencing abandonment or betrayal in some shape or form.
I’m someone who has experienced avoidant attachment. I would be interested in someone for a brief period and then lose interest. Mind you, many of the people I was attracting were not healthy or good people so I’m sure a part of it was that for me. But after much therapy, I finally decided I wanted to stop repeating my behaviours. I didn’t want to be hurt or hurt others. I am in a healthy relationship now, but we have unintentionally hurt one another largely because of our past traumas showing up in our relationship. However because it is a safe and healthy relationship we’re able to work through all that and ultimately become stronger and closer.
I tended to pull away, and it was out of self preservation. My partner tended to lean in. And I would pull away more, feeling suffocated and needing space. My partner had been in therapy too though, so they learned to step back and create room for me to step in. My work was for me to lean in when I didn’t want to. To express how I felt when I didn’t want to. When you don’t express how you feel, it’s easy to lose interest or even feel resentment because you don’t get to be fully yourself. But to some extent it’s self perpetuating when you choose to pull away each time instead of leaning in.
It was about opposite action for each of us.
Again it largely depends on the situation though. If you simply just don’t feel it with this person alone, maybe you just aren’t attracted to them. Do you know what attracts you? I personally am attracted to physical appearances but also hold intellectual and emotional maturity in high regard. If someone can’t nerd out about something I like or isn’t interested in psychology and personal development and willing to get vulnerable and talk about feelings then I’m not interested. It feels inauthentic to me and doesn’t peak my interest. They could be super physically attractive and I’m just turned off.