i wrote here earlier about an issue i was facing with my partner watching porn. as much as i try be okay with it and its not like he’s watching it everyday. im concluded that ill never stop comparing myself to the girls he was watching. im so curious as to what drew him to the bideo and why he clicked on the video.. but if i asked him he would say he can’t remember, was it the girl he was drawn to? i cant handle it.. why am i not good enough for this man sexually, am i not appealing to him, im losing my mind because i love him. i will never understand why men do it, when they have a perfectly capable woman. then go off and watch a chick who looks nothing like them and fuck themselves to her. i dont know what im feeling i just feel a mess. its never really been a deal breaker for me, porn, but recently ive been thinking about it alot and i genuinely dont think ill ever feel good enough to please him. why doesn’t he just go for those girls man. yet if i posted myself the same way they do he wouldn’t approve. im so confused. please dont be mean im really having a bad time rn. is he thinking anout these girls when he have sex?
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Get help, it’s not attraction just a visual aid no emotion other than to keep the horny mind engaged for 5 mins. You’re making it out to be more than it is, the next guy will be the same and the one after that.
I really feel like you need to express your feelings to your fella. Getting strangers opinions on the internet won’t ease your worried mind as much as talking to your boyfriend will.
No my partner does not care unless it becomes a problem that I do not want to have sex with her
I do watch porn and I also masturbate to it. My partner even encouraged me to do so, since I have a higher libido than she does. Porn is just a means to an end for me and since I use it while masturbating it has to be more intense/extreme than real sex. After all porn is made to look hot, if you recreate a lot of the stuff, it won’t feel as intense.
I never had a crush on a porn actor/actress and I don’t think about the clips I saw later. It is the equivalent of a dildo or vibrator my partner uses. And I won’t get jealous of their dildos even the ones that are massive in size.
Also I like to add: Masturbation and sex are two different things for a lot of people. Masturbation is something we do just for fun, while sex is something intimate.
My girl and I are on the same page about this.
We both discovered porn together back in grade 7.
We gather ideas from porn. What we’d like to try. What might interest us.
It’s a joy to discuss and have a communication platform to say, oh I enjoyed watching that, I wonder if I’d like it if I participated in it.
It’s not about comparison. Please feel secure in your own skin and communicate.
Ask him for positive words if they’d help you. Ask him what he likes about your body.
One of the things I did for her, was click photographs. Erotic pictures which I wanted to recreate. It did communicate a different perspective on her that I held which she previously failed to acknowledge.
It’s not just about porn i’d say. Measure what will add or take away from the quality of sex for you both. There is no conventionalism in the bedroom.
Watching porn and masturbating is a normal thing that most people do, even when they’re in relationships. It doesn’t mean anything. Hell, my husband and I send each other links if we find porn the other might like.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that a person stops masturbating or fantasizing / watching porn. It’s completely normal.
Also your boyfriend doesn’t even remember the girl in the porno lol. He jacked off and forgot about it.
It’s just mechanical at a certain point.
For the most part, Men and women are very very different beasts, especially when it comes to sex or sexual stuff.
>im concluded that ill never stop comparing myself to the girls he was watching
Take this for example, in your mind there has to be connection between the girls in porn and you, and therefore a comparison like what are you not giving him.
Men on the other hand, are very apt at separating and compartmentalising things, combined with being very visually stimulated. I can almost guarantee that no such comparison between you and the girl in the video has been made by him.
There’s far more than this obviously, and our tendencies lie on a spectrum but broadly speaking men and women arent the best at truly how each other processes and interacts with ‘sex’. We are getting better, but many parts are still poorly understood by the opposite sex.
A common example i see from a male perspective would be, women not really understanding how erections (or lack there of work), the diiference between masturbation and male fantasy vs reality, i.e the one you might fuck wild vs the one youd bring home to your mom or raise a family with. Again these are very broad clunky examples, but the u derlying issue remains.
There is hope though, a lot of growing, learning and understanding can happen when the two people are genuinely open, honest and non-judgemental with each other when discussing sex or sexual behaviours and have a mutual desire to build a better understanding.
Why do you think they have porno at sperm donation/sampling centers? Its a delivery mechanism for ejaculation. Some people have excellent imaginations and can get by without it. Some people need to see girly bits ajiggling to get there. Don’t fret – he’s more likely to be imagining you and him doing it like that than any fascination with the actors themselves. Particularly useful when libidos don’t match and one partner needs an easy relief process so they don’t bother their partner unnecessarily.
This is gonna sound bad but he probably doesn’t see the women in porn as people. They’re just attractive bodies on a screen like pinup drawings.
Everyone’s gonna be different you might get some perspective but the only advice that matters is that you should talk to each other about it. So many problems are resolved when partners just communicate with each other. As for me I don’t wish those girls were my girlfriend but I’m a pretty horny guy and believe me I’m not proud of it but I cannot expect my girlfriend to please me at my beck and call so I need something to feel the satisfaction I want to. Hey if she’s down all the time I won’t open safari again lol.
Not gonna bother reading this. You are insecure, you posted this same thing twice today, and reddit replies won’t change your issues of comparing yourself to these girls and assuming your partner wants someone else.
First of all, your feelings are completely legitimate and understandable. It is absolutely ok to feel the way you do. And, it might be useful for you to explore those feelings a bit more and perhaps better understand their root causes, where they come from, and what they impact.
You wrote that you feel that you are not good enough and that you are not appealing enough. However, where does that feeling actually come from? Does it come from what your partner is doing, the other women, or does it actually come from you? Is your partner making you feel insecure, or are you making yourself feel insecure?
I want to be clear, feeling insecure is totally normal. Every single one of us experiences the feeling of insecurity from time to time at different levels of severity. That being said, it is important that we understand the source of our own insecurities so we can handle them or move past them. Sometimes people do things, intentionally or unintentionally, to make you insecure. For example, by intimidating or threatening someone. Sometimes we might feel insecure because some of our vulnerabilities have been triggered. For example, it is difficult to feel secure when you are lonely, anxious, depressed, or unhappy. Sometimes our insecurities can be triggered totally from within our own perceptions of others and ourselves. For example, working with someone who I think is smarter or better looking than me might trigger my insecurities about my self-worth.
It seems to me that perhaps you should think about what is triggering your insecurity here. Is it that your boyfriend is watching porn? Is it triggered by the women in the porn? Or is it a sense of jealously from within you? I dont think we can answer that for you and depending on your answer, you should probably have a conversation with your boyfriend about it and perhaps work on ways for you to feel more secure in your relationship.