We’re living with my husbands father, hopefully getting into a new place in a month and I can’t help but have intense emotional flashbacks of when his fiancé crossed some pretty huge boundaries and my FIL gaslit me and my husband over it. He seemed to use every tactic possible to get us to reconcile and let her back into our lives without an actual apology or anything. In fact, she threatened me to my husband after he said if you don’t apologize, you won’t be seeing the baby again. My husband has since cut contact with her but I still have to hear phone conversations with her when my FIL is home. I feel like if you don’t show any compassion or understanding to my very traumatic experience, then it’s just over. I know that sounds manipulative and I feel like I’m being controlling. But it really hurts me so bad that these things happened when I was 2 months pp.
My FIL has asked “so how much are those hospital bills that are rolling in” after I needed to go to the ER for my blood pressure still being high 4 days after coming home from the hospital for severe preeclampsia. I was in the ICU after my c-section, it was very serious. I don’t know why he said that. I said back “I’m sorry for trying to care of my health” and he laughed awkwardly and was like “okkkkk hahaaa”. The only reason I can think of why he said that was to belittle me or to make me feel like a burden to my husband.
I told my husband that I hate him. I hate when he gets in my daughters face and says how’s MY GRANDDAUGHTER. I hate living in his house. I hate not having anything of mine here. I’m constantly triggered in this house even when he’s not here and I feel tremendous guilt for snapping at my husband every other day because I ruminate on all the fucked up things his family has said and done. I’ve been splitting and seeing him as good or bad like it’s them against me. I get really anxious when my FIL is here because he defends someone who literally threatened to “tear apart” a new mother simply because I said her kissing my daughter all over in the NICU, holding her away from me, telling me “you can go now” once she was holding her, and then reading my baby a book from a mother to a baby crossed the line. That’s untenable to me. There’s no explanation or excuse. There’s been no apology. Yet he tells my husband “you’ve ALIENATED her from the family.”
I’m so sick of their dysfunction. On the surface they try to seem to put together and successful, but there’s SO many secrets and abuse in this family. I cannot wait to move out of here. What is going on with me? I feel like I’m going insane sometimes and I can’t see 5 minutes in front of me.
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