I was chatting with my coworker today, and she said she just found out that her landlord is Lao.
I said, “Oh really? I don’t really know much about Lao people.”
Then I asked, “Are they the kind of Asians with darker skin?”
She said, “Yeah, kind of like Malaysians.”
I was honestly just curious, because I rarely hear about Lao people in Australia.
So I picked up my phone and asked ChatGPT out loud, “What ethnicity are Lao people?”
And then my coworker goes, “Whoa, that’s racist.”
And I was like, “Huh? Racist? Are you saying I’m being racist?”
She goes, “Yeah, asking about race that specifically is kind of racist.”
I said, “I’m just curious! I don’t know much about them, I barely meet any Lao people, so I wanted to learn more. What’s wrong with that?”
Then she says it’s because she gets asked about her race all the time.
And I was like, “Wait, what? Are you super left or something?”
She goes, “No no, I’m just joking.”
And I said, “Well, racism isn’t something to joke about.”
At that point, I got a bit annoyed and didn’t really feel like talking anymore.
Like, what the hell?
I mean seriously — is it really racist just to ask what ethnicity Lao people are? I was just trying to understand. Just a genuine question, not an attack.
Comments
No it’s not.
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She made a not very funny joke. You replied to the joke by making it political. It got awkward.
It is fine to ask what ethnicity someone is (there are more polite and less polite ways to ask.) It’s fine to ask about the details of their ethnicity with genuine curiosity.
It’s awkward to accuse someone of racism, even jokingly. It’s awkward when the joke accusation is perceived as real and then the other person assumes it is genuine because of the joker’s political beliefs.
Frankly, you both made things awkward but the racism accuser/joker kind of started it with an off color joke. I would apologize vaguely about “sorry for the awkward conversation, I didnt mean anything hurtful by it.” Leave it vague, it expresses your intent not to hurt but doesn’t require clarifying who said what, then move on.
It’s not racism. You’re not saying anything derogatory about them and it was a simple question. People need to learn to not be so sensitive.
It’s 2025, so it’s racist.
Bro, next time just laught it off. You turned a conversation into an awkward situation. And by the looks of it, she was just messing around
If you’re doing your own research online then I think it’s fair. How the hell else are people supposed to learn if they can’t ask questions online to a robot?!
I’m honestly surprised everyone here is not agreeing with the friend
Don’t do it at work.
Your co-worker is just looking for an excuse to be butthurt. Racism is where you treat people differently (usually in a bad way) because they are of a certain ethnicity. Noticing someone is different than yourself is not racism. Asking questions is not racism. Identifying someone by race is not racism.
It’s not racist, but there are better ways to all questions.
I personally make it about the other person’s background when getting to know more about a non-Anglo person or a person with an accent. That way it’s not about race at all, but more clearly about culture. Less “I noticed you’re not white” and more “tell me your story”.
And instead of “where are you from?” I prefer “are you a long time local?” Same vibe, less confusion about whether the question is asking about place or race. Being from the country in a town that people often travel into for shopping trips, asking where people are from (meaning town) is a common topic of conversation with strangers that can be misconstrued especially when in the city.
It’s about letting people answer the way they want to and in the way they most identify themselves rather than making assumptions. It might seem “super lefty” but it’s just letting people tell their story the way they want to tell it.
Tbh you probably could have just googled “Laos” and avoided the whole problem since the landlord isn’t in the room to ask the question.
If your co-worker gets asked about her race often, is that because she’s not Anglo? If so, maybe listen to her when she says something made her feel uncomfortable. It’s not racist per se, but it’s definitely can come across as a bit insensitive.
A long post to answer a question that looks simple, but as I’ve learned from friends with different backgrounds, it can be more complex that it seems on the surface.
First of all stop using Chat GPT. And their ethnicity is Lao. Your coworker was dumb.
if you’re asking in good faith it would be better to ask a community that is not mostly people with european roots and living in european majority societies, which this one is. most of the comments here are coming from people who apparently do not experience microaggressions, at least when it comes to racism
Being very sensitive about race does not make one “super left”. Leftism is an ideology that promotes a worker-owned economic system. Someone who gets unnecessarily offended by racial issues is typically deeply entrenched in liberalism, a left wing ideology. (Not to say leftist don’t care about fighting racism, just that they tend not to stretch what people say to be offended by it, because they have a coherent ideology to actually speak on)
No, and in fact she was joking
Nah it’s not racist. I like to learn about ethnic groups/demographics for fun but I think you gotta be sensitive about how you ask people sometimes. Growing up I didn’t like some of the questions asked about my ethnicity because of the phrasing. When I was older, people phrased them way better and I was happy to answer.
I think you should’ve just laughed the joke off tbh
Do people actually just ask AI questions instead of looking things up? FFS I’m old.
So you asked what ethnicity a person from a specifically named country, culture and ethnicity was (hint: Lao) and then asked whether they were lighter or darker skinned than other Asians? Did you ask if their eyes slanted upwards or downwards? Sure, I don’t think I could technically find any technical racism there, but if I was in earshot I’d be pretty fucking annoyed. While I appreciate your interest and curiosity, the way you want about it was tone-deaf and ignorant.
If you’re genuinely curious, it’s not that the questions themselves were racist, but people from ethnic minorities are just hyper sensitive to real or even perceived racism. In some extreme cases it can even be life and death. And it’s weird to say, but borderline situations like these are almost worse. Do you ignore it? Do you say something? I guarantee however you respond you’ll feel like shit afterwards.
Was the coworker you were talking to Asian? If so, she wasn’t joking. She responded honestly, then felt uncomfortable and passed it off as a joke. That’s what I – and many other people with an ethnic background – might do.
I have never been offended or thought it was racist when people asked me what part of Asian my family is from, but maybe because I am white?
But in all seriousness, I don’t think it is racist to ask about race or to do research to learn more. Obviously, there are racist ways to go about it, but it isn’t inherently racist.
Ethnicity and race are 2 separate things.
Asian American here who has gotten asked those ethnicity questions. Those kinds of questions may not be intended as harmful and may reflect a genuine interest in learning, but there are better and worse ways to ask them. The better ways center the person you’re speaking to as an individual with their own individual stories and relationship to their ethnicity, so questions like “where is your family from” or “how would you describe your ethnicity” is fine. The worse ways turn the person in front of you into a representative of their whole group instead of an individual, and may refer to stereotypes and generalizations like implying they can’t have been born in the US. E.g. asking “where are you from… no where are you REALLY from”, or following up the question with a stereotype like “oh I love Thai food” or “I have another Korean friend, I should introduce you” or as you said, “are they the Asians with darker skin.”
Those questions asked the latter way often make Asian Americans feel dehumanized and like they’re perpetual foreigners and outsiders, which is hurtful. It was a bit extreme of your coworker to call you “racist” for what you asked ChatGPT, but maybe she has a history with those kinds of questions that makes it a sensitive topic. And your response of “what’s wrong with that?” and “are you super left?” was insensitive to that by dismissing her concern as radical and illegitimate. That’s what I see as more problematic than your initial question about ethnicity. You could have instead responded with something like “Sorry if that came across insensitively, I just wanted to learn. How can I do so in a way that’s not hurtful?”