TLDR: I cornered my boyfriend, he couldn’t speak up, we broke up and seems we’re still very much conflicted about it.
Hey Reddit, I’m going through something incredibly difficult right now and really need some outside perspectives. My partner and I M(20s) and F(20s), recently broke up after 2.5 years together.
This is happening while living abroad, where our connection has been a huge anchor, and it’s notoriously hard to form deep new relationships. We have an amazing relationship otherwise and many future plans. We get along and I am sure there is true love, connection and shared vision. Moving together took an incredible amount of effort, both logistically and emotionally.
After trying to solve a conflict for 2 weeks and kept on fighting for a month, I asked to break up in a panic because we kept escalating (reason, I panic about him doing things by himself out of insecurity, and he can’t put boundaries in place or tell me what he needs). He is otherwise great at including me in plans and doing things together.
He moved with family. I told him I didn’t mean it. He initiated the breakup talk, which was tearing for the both of us, saying he was completely burnt out and afraid to go back. He described feeling trapped, unheard, and that he was losing himself. He admitted he’d been afraid to speak up about his needs for a long time.
He said he needed to protect himself from our dynamic and he has been bottling up for some months. We still have some of our new lease together (just moved half a year ago) and a big trip where everything is paid for.
I currently took some time at home to leave some space and we will have a talk about logistics in 2 weeks. I am planning to move back home because I’ve started over here too many times.
Since then, the part that’s killing me is he also explicitly said he loves me. He’s crushed, expressing deep pain about not being able to go back to our shared home and in general not having wanted the relationship to have this outcome. He’s also been subtly liking my social media stories or adding details to our talks that express care.
My concern is that he’s so burnt out that he simply cannot see a way forward, even with the love that’s still there. He was very firm when we last spoke, saying he’d thought about everything and his decision hadn’t changed, while still being hurt and conflicted and having to protect/choose himself.
I’ve done a lot of thinking since. I genuinely see my contributions – how my own insecurities likely led to me unintentionally leaning on him too much, and not creating a safe enough space.
I realise how wrong I am and what I’m losing and I wonder if it’s too late to fix it. My question is: Given this context, what’s my best course of action here? Is there a realistic path to reconciliation, or is “burnt out too much” truly beyond repair, even if the love remains?
Any advice or similar experiences are appreciated. Thanks for reading.